Bad Ass Buttermilk Biscuits


Two packages of room temp cream cheese  (this can be substituted with butter or Crisco… I use cream cheese because it makes it sponge like.. although my dad used butter recently and holy cow they were sexy.)

Some buttermilk (I say “some” because I never measure the buttermilk.  I only pour enough in to get the ingredients wet and I never measure – usually a pint will suffice. So I guess get a pint of buttermilk—I use the lowfat kind but any kind will do.

2 cups of self rising flour

1 stick of butter.

**muffin pan  (this is the secret weapon to PERFECTLY round, beautiful bad boys)

1.  Pre-Heat oven to 450.  Spray/Grease the muffin pan.

2.  In a large bowl (trust me, with all the flour you will be working with, the large bowl combats the battle scars you receive all over your clothes) pour the flour in.

3.  To the flour **cut in the room temp cream cheese.  (** I use the word “cut” in a culinary capacity.. or maybe it’s old lady verbage.. what does it mean?  Take your hand and squeeze the cream cheese through the flour making small to medium lumps in the dry mixture)

4.  To that mixture, pour in the buttermilk.  Be careful, just enough to wet it thoroughly.  With a spoon, mix in the buttermilk.  (HOLD UP KILLER! Don’t go crazy with the spoon.  Just fold it through and get everything wet—don’t overmix.)

5.  Sprinkle  some flour on the counter.  Pour the dough on the counter on top of the flour.

6.  VERY VERY IMPORTANT.  In my experience, there is one rule to bread making (this also goes for preparing meat).  The less you mess with it, the better it is.  Fight the urge to play with the dough in the next step… it’s hard… I know.

7.  Knead the dough about 3 -4 times.  Just enough to put a little air into it.  Then, STOP. Seeing little chunks of cream cheese is ok and is super pretty.

8.  Take a rolling pin (or a round glass/mason jar… it works just fine) and flour it down. Roll out the dough to about quarter inch thick.

9.  Melt the stick of butter in the microwave until melted.  Place beside muffin pan.

10.   Take a cookie cutter and cut out the biscuits. Place in muffin pan. (at this point, it’s always a good time to take a bite of the dough.  Why?  Because it’s DELCIOUS.  AM I gross because I’m a biscuit dough eater?  I guess my whole family is because we do it EVERY TIME! HA!)

11.  With a basting brush or a spoon, top each biscuit with a little bit of butter.

12.  Bake for anywhere between 12-16 minutes.  Keep watch… I take biscuit making very seriously and never walk away from my dough.  I keep a close watch and usually check at the 12 min mark.

**This recipe yields about 24 big boys or about 36 tiny tots.

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