2013 Golden Globes Fashion Review!

OK, I have to do this quickly before one of the babies wakes up– trust me, that’s no easy task.  If I’m not slinging poop, I’m working on my 712th arrangement of Itsy Bitsy Spider in operatic form. I should try to put that out as a single on I-Tunes.. it would be a hit, I’m sure.  That and “I’m a pretty pony… clippity clop clippity clop.” **sigh**
I was going to do the People’s Choice Awards and the Golden Globes.. but lets get real folks.  Who cares about the Peoples Choice….. and second, I don’t have time.  However, Golden Globes…. here we go.  Overall, better on the fashion ya’ll from the Emmys.  Holy cow … lots better.  Not the best, but WAY better effort ya’ll.  I will say after reviewing the fashion this year with a trusty pal, sweetheart necklines and dark goth lipstick must be all the rage this year.  Everyone seems to be wearing these two things.  Again, here is my unsolicited opinion on the 2013 Golden Globes …. hee hee. If Lady Gaga is reading this, know I am not spreading hate… I’m spreading awareness.  Hee hee heee!!!! (I ❤ you!)

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.
Where shall we start?  Hmm.  We will start on a positive note.

All in the Family

Lets begin with a family that came together to the awards show because their son was Mr. Golden Globe.  The Fox family.  I adore  this family.  It’s a rarity when two people stayed married in Hollywood.  These two have been married forever and are so graceful and have been for a long time.  Love them.  Their son Sam was Mr. Golden Globe this year.  I love the hot pink color of Tracy Pollan’s dress.  I also think she pretty much looks perfect.  The fellas look great too.  Who doesn’t like Michael J. Fox?  And his son is pretty much his twin.  Well done!

The Washingtons — Denzel and his daughter Olivia

Denzel and his daughter look super sweet.  I think she is beautiful– and though I hate prints on dresses, this works for her.  I also like the neckline.  Very tasteful and classy.  I also think her ruffles diagonally up the side are a nice touch. Denzel looks like handsome all the time.  Can’t really argue that.

 

A for Sincerity

Helena Bonham Carter

This woman really can do no wrong.. why?  Because she is Helena Bonham Carter.  We expect interesting fashion from this gal.  Her hair is always  a frazzled mess almost to match Tim Burton’s aura.  Though I don’t like her dresses typically and she looks like a hot mess,  she stays pretty true to her personality and I can appreciate that.  Plus, she’s pretty much one of the best actresses around.  I love her.

Most Improved

Julianna Margulies

Thank goodness you didn’t wear a big pocketed dress that resembles my grandmother’s unwanted curtains. Seriously, this looks very nice on you Julianna.  It’s not my favorite, BUT, you look beautiful and I love the color on you.  The dress itself is very busy with the intricate details of the beads and neckline … however it’s almost too much for my taste.  I like your hair, but I wish you would wear it down. You have gorgeous hair lady— put some loose curls in it and part it down the side. Aren’t you a spokesperson for a hair product?  Work it lady. Overall, good job.

Lena Dunham

Lady, I was so proud of you when I saw you on the red carpet.  Seriously, SUCH an improvement from the sad pony wearing a doily look at the Emmys.  I am not crazy about the neckline, BUT I think this is a gorgeous dress for you.  You look beautiful.  I love the chocolate color and the fabric of the dress.  Well done.  Congrats on your Golden Globe victories lady!  DId ya’ll hear her acceptance speeches?  Totally adorable and so humble.  I look forward to catching your show sometime.

Fall from Grace

Julie Bowen

What HAPPENED! WHAT is this “half grecian toga” crap that you are wearing?  The color is.. meh, alright I guess.  But the cut .. form.. EVERYTHING about this dress is… blagh.    This just goes to show how you can go to Best Dressed to Worst Dressed in no time.  It looks as though you were running late and grabbed the nearest fabric to cover yourself after a shower.  I expect better Julie.

Kelly Osbourne

Ok, I admit, her dress isn’t awful.  In fact, it’s quite lovely.  However, I really don’t like the look as a whole.  I’m over the purple hair and I’m not into her pink lips against the dress and the purple hair.  It’s distracting to me.  I must say I do like the mermaid style of the dress and the color.  The lipstick would be fine against a neutral hair color, but with the purple, it just makes it look like a washed out 80s antic.   I fear someone is going to be putting you on the worst dressed list on your own show Kelly!  We expect better!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo I still love you.

Mediocre at Best

I was going to have a “worst catagory,” however, I think what’s worse is the fact that these actresses and their dress give the impression that they just didn’t care.  To me, these dresses are pretty blah and nothing really that great about them.

Kerry Washington

STILL not impressed with you.  You look SO good on your show and everything from your dress to your hair here are a disappointment.  Like I said before.. I hate the kind of dresses that are half see through on the bottom.  It’s kinda trashy in my opinion.  I do like the color on you, but all of the lines are wrong on this dress and makes it dull.  There are details in the most unfortunate places distracting the eyes from your beautiful face!  …… please impress me at the Oscars. I’m pulling for you!

Alyssa Milano

WTF are you wearing?? Didn’t we have this discussion when Claire Danes wore a similarly hideous dress to the Emmys?  It makes your boobs look unflatteringly saggy (this cut always does that).  I also don’t like the citrus color with this style of dress.. but I do like the color.. does that makes sense?  Maybe I’m too picky. I DO like the earrings and the clutch though.  Very tasteful.  And your makeup and hair are perfection, as always. As a tidbit, I love knowing they drew Ariel in your image.  So pretty.

Emily Blunt

Bah.  Triangle cut-outs, seriously Emily?  You of all people should know that’s not a flattering look…….. Sheryl Crow did that a couple of years ago and it wasn’t cool then either.  Lets not repeat history.  You’re better than that.  This dress would have been a home run withOUT the cut outs. Sheesh. People try too hard.

Katherine McPhee

The dresses just get worse and worse.  Just say NO!!!! All sorts of bad with this dress.

Halle Berry

Fail.  Doing the Jolie leg stand is a little unnecessary and SO last year.  I HATE PRINTS and HIGH SLITS.

Eva Longoria

I can’t even justify this dress.

Zooey Deschanel

Is it just me?  Second verse, same as the first.  It’s like she picks the same dress in a different fabric and color every time.  Strapless with a curved bodice. Blah blah blah.  I’m bad about wearing the same thing over and over again.  But I’m just a stay at home mama with a loud mouth.  If I had lots of moo-la, I would try different things in the fashion world … but then again, I’d probably end up on a worst list on some lame blog written by a nobody like this one!  But hey, Zooey!  You have nothing to lose… nowhere to go on this blog but up honey!  Will love to see how you do at the other awards shows.  ❤

PS.  You forgot to get your dress steamed.

WTF WTF WTF WTF

Seriously.. what is up with these dresses???????

Anjelica Huston

What is going on buddy? I don’t even know where to begin or what to say.   I love you — I especially love your nephew as Richard Harrow in Boardwalk Empire.. but that’s another post for some other time.  You are such a lady .. a classy, BEAUTIFUL lady.  C’mon!  You’re an old school BAD ASS.  You can do better!

Julianne Hough

I’m done with you.

Lucy Liu

luc

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Nene Leakes

Eesh.  The only person who can pull this off is Meryl Streep and even then I didn’t like it that much.  But, you don’t tell someone like Meryl what to do.  She’s Meryl Streep.  She can wear a bathing suit to the Oscars and make it a trend and it would be ok.

By the way… does anyone know why on Earth Nene would even be invited to the Golden Globes??? Pffffft!

And … here we are.  The best dressed of the night.

Adele

You are perfection.  From hair, makeup, and the dress… it’s a beautiful look.  I love the neckline and the shape of the dress.  So gorgeous… You JUST gave birth not too long ago.  You look smashing!

Tina Fey

You are so cool and deliciously well put together.  You ooze fashion perfection with this one. I love it.  Compliments every part of your body and your hair is gorgeous.

Francesca Eastwood.  MS. GOLDEN GLOBE.

Perfect for the daughter of a Hollywood legend. You are echoing 1940s screen sirens. I love it. The capped sleeves and detail of the train are gorgeous.   I wish that some of our other fashion victims had chosen as wisely as you.  I look forward to seeing you as you grow up.

Anne Hathaway

Stunning.  I love this look especially with her short hair.  It makes up for the fact that I’m not a fan of her voice– or her version of Dreamed a Dream.  Butchers it in my opinion.  Alas, this is about her dress and not her performance.  I love the color and the straight neckline.  The fabric of the dress is GORGEOUS.  Way to go Anne and congrats on your Golden Globe!

Helen Mirren

I. Love. This. Woman.  She is absolutely stunning.  All these youngsters need to start looking up to people like Helen.  She can do no wrong.

Who’s my #1 Best Dressed???

Naomi Watts

Take note ya’ll. This is how you do it folks.  Stunning.  Absolutely stunning.  I adore the train on this dress — and the gorgeous color!!  This accentuates everything perfectly on her body.  I cannot wait to see what we get from you the rest of the award season!

A special message to Jodie Foster:  AMAZING speech the other night.  You’re awesome, your message was awesome and you are a beautiful soul.  I hope you keep making movies because I’d miss you.