So, I wasn’t able to cover the Grammys due to Mommy and Rockstar duties. But honestly… did you miss it? The fashion at the Grammys has gone WAY downhill. I’ll tell you that there are two things I remember about this year’s Grammys. Beyonce’s butt silouette and Pink doing a repeat performance high wire routine. Both of which I wish I could forget for the most part. However, one of my finest, smartest and coolest pals named Joy said about Pink, “If I could do what she does I would do it everywhere.” And honestly, if I had Beyonce’s butt, I would want to be naked all the time and run through the streets in a g-string singing Girls Who Run The World…….Don’t lie… you would too.
Anyways… back to the task at hand. The Oscars is a VERY VERY different story.
The fashion at the Oscars is the BIGGEST FASHION moment all year and our beautiful Hollywood actors and actresses did not disappoint.
Lets dive in and start with the MAMAS!!!
BUMPIN’ IT UP
Kerry Washington
YOU BLEW ME AWAY. You look GORGEOUS. So perfect and glowing. Gorgeous color, beautiful hair. Delicious lips. I love it all. You look STUNNING.
Olivia Wilde
Such sophistication. She’s not due for a couple more months and she is looking beautiful. Throughout this award season, she has been so proud of her bump. This time is no different. Love the halter top and the white back. So lovely.
Elsa Pataky (a.k.a Mrs. Chris Hemsworth)
This bumpin’ Mama is carrying twins this time around. If I were carrying the God of Thunder’s babies, I’d be bumpin’ it all over west Hollywood too. Heck yea I would. She looks so happy and content. I love the Mama aura – she’s beautiful. And very old Hollywood glamour.
A Free Pass.
Alfre Woodward
I love the color and detail but hate the cleavage mesh (as glorious as your boobies are). You look very regal though.
Bette Midler
You get a pass Divine Ms. M. That’s right… I don’t have one problem with your dress. You look fantastic. I hope I look as good as you when I grow up. However, while you were a strong influence in my youth and remain to this day as one of my singing idols, I was disappointed in your performance. I wasn’t sure what all the hand spasms were about or was it just me? In fact, it kinda ruined the whole memorium for me. If you had just come out and sung the song like normal without all the ad lib and awkward hand gestures, it would have sold me. Anyways, regardless, this is your free pass. I love you, and will always love you. You are the wind beneath my wings… and every other 35 year old girl who still cries when she watches Beaches at home on a Saturday night eating her Ben and Jerry’s softly rocking from side to side while singing The Glory of Love. Yea, that’s me. I need to go on a diet.
Follow this link to see her performance and draw your own conclusions:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/02/oscars-bette-midler-wind-beneath-my-wings/
Goldie Hawn
My funny buddy Dusty summed this caption up perfectly:
“Goldie always looks like she just got home from a party.”
… yea.. at the botox/plastic surgeon clinic. But hey! Who cares! You’re Goldie Hawn. Do whatchoowant.
June Squibb
You look divine June. So regal and the color suits you. I cannot wait to see Nebraska. Bruce Dern is such a favorite and the clips I’ve seen of you in Nebraska tell me I’m going to love you too. Congrats on your nomination!! You’re beautiful—as far as I am concerned you can have a free pass from me any time.
Meryl Streep
Distinguished, classy, lovely lady of mine. You are the epitome of elegance and grace. You’re the best in your craft and it is only matched by your unparalleled beauty and humility. Keep on keepin’ on.
Bringin’ the Wonk
Anna Kendrick
I look forward to seeing good things from you in the acting world. This dress …. Yuck. The see through crap and the weird midriff. You are a gorgeous, talented lady who does not need to show your midriff. Leave that to Britney. She has to do that.
Anne Hathaway
“YOU THERE! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?” …. Seriously… what is it? Cuz by the looks of it we need to give the creators of 300 a little call for a screen test for you in the next sequel. You take yourself way too seriously.
Charlize Theron
Charlize De Vil, Cruella’s younger sister from Jersey Shore.
Julie Delpy
She looks like fan. See?
Kelly Ripa
I’m gonna blame this on the angle.. but two words. Ribs and Spanx. I love Kelly Ripa and think she is Wonder Woman. I worry though.
Kristen Chinoweth
She literally looks like the Oscar Trophy. Either that or she looks like a golden mermaid keychain. I miss her long hair.
Liza Minnelli
THE QUEEN OF THE WONK. Who can do the wonk and almost make it classy? Liza can. Almost.
Ok.. maybe not. The blue hair is fun tho!
Sally Hawkins
YIKES. One of the UGLIEST dresses I have ever seen in my whole life, henceforth, forever more, AMEN. Fire your stylist Mayim Bialik!
The Bleep Bloop Blahp
These gowns are all TOTAL snoozefests. I don’t know if it’s the neutral color of all of these dresses or what.. but nothing about these dresses tickle my “oooooo—wowwweeeee” bone.
The Bleep
Angelina Jolie …Really? This was what you said yes to? I will say it’s nice to see you smiling. THAT is what looks good on you. Sarah Paulson, you look bored… zzzzzz
The BLOOP
Calista Flockhart — Eeeeeeeeesh. Not a fan. Maria Menounos, you were on my best dressed how many times? I like your hair though. Naomi Watts, yuck hair and yuck tshirt dress.
The Blahp
Laura Dern—I really love you. I REALLY REALLY love your dad. SO brilliant. The dress is pretty.. I just wish it was a different color, honestly. The color makes it so blah. Tara Lapinski – meh. Prom at best. And Jessica Biehl, you look washed out … You’re such a pretty gal and I wish you would wear some color against your gorgeous hair and skin tone.
The Tasteful but not too flashy
Jennifer Garner (a.k.a my husband’s not so secret crush)
I’m not crazy about this dress. But it doesn’t deserve to be in the worst dress or my Bleep Bloop Blahp section apparently. I love Jennifer Garner. If only she could meet me I know we would bond, have playdates with our kids and drink Starbucks together. That said, she wasn’t up for an award. So it makes since to be classy but not too flashy. I’m just not crazy about the flapper kinda style. My husband sweetly disagrees because he is in love with her. Therefore, this section is in honor of him.
Adell Nazeem
I am a huge Idina Menzel fan. Ever since her days in Rent on Broadway she has captivated me. However, I wasn’t crazy about her dress – again not a worst dressed—but not a homerun either. Also, maybe it was because John Travolta got all wacky and pronounced her name wrong, but her performance was off—and annoying. And over exaggerated. Which lately, all of her performances since her Wicked days seem to be that way. Even on Glee. In any case, any vocalist can learn from her—she definitely has made her mark in singing history— however, I am not into her screeching/belting out method any more. Just doesn’t do it for me. It started to go downhill for me when she bobbled on Defying Gravity at the Tony’s when she won (which was an AMAZING performance… did you guys see that back in the day? Joy I know you and Anna were there! So jealous!!). I could hear it in her voice then.. and I hear it now… she’s gonna get nodes if she keeps it up. Drink some water, quit screeching. Remember, quality and intensity versus decibels. Say it with me…Quality and intensity versus decibels. Sorry, I watch way too much Dora the Explorer. I figure if repeating works for my 2 year old, it will work for you. Still, I love you. I just want you to have your voice when you grow up. 🙂
Follow this link to see her incredible performance and draw your own conclusions:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/03/idina-menzel-sings-let-it-go/
I’d much rather see this performance.. BRAVO!!!
THE WORST DRESSED LIST
4. Ashley Wagner
Alrighty, I get it. You are gonna go for the gold in four years. Not here at the Oscars. Hate this dress and your hair. You were fantastic in Sochi (however…… complaining about the ice skating judging does nothing for your image regardless of how much you meant it with good intentions) You are a badass and you are fearless on the ice. Don’t lose sight of that. With that said, lose the dress and find something else… and THE RED LIPSTICK. YES. I’m talking to you and to GRACIE GOLD! #overit See you in four years—congrats on your job well done representing the most fantastic and awesome nation ever! GO TEAM USA!
On a complete SOCHI sidenote .. I love Sage Kotsenburg. I want to be his best friend. Congrats on your gold medal buddy!!!!! Next time you are in Ohio I’ll buy you a beer or a coffee or whateva.
3. Emma Watson
Gwynnie got to you didn’t she? Yuck. At least you’re not sagging like your style mentor. You’re Emma frickin’ Watson. You can do this. You are such a delight. Wow me next time. I have my eye on you. I know you can do this!! One day you are going to be up there accepting your Oscar. I know it.
2. Julia Roberts
You were a nominee this year and you chose that? Man, when you won your Oscar it was one of my most FAVORITE gowns in OSCAR history! You are one of the peeps that I cannot wait to see. I don’t know. Between you and Angelina, I’m a little concerned with where the gowns are headed in your future. I don’t like it. Also, I don’t like the updo. You have such gorgeous hair. I miss it. I miss your fun style.
1. Viola Davis
I love me some Viola Davis. But this gown ain’t doin’ it for me. I do love the classic coif. I’m just not feeling the color. I do love the bracelets though.
HONORABLE MENTION
All of these ladies deserve a shout-out. Nice effort and you look lovely (Lady Gaga, nice to see you in something so glamorous and old Hollywood style.)
Jada Pinkett Smith, Lady Gaga and Rachel Smith
Gabourey Sidibe and Glenn Close
Glenn you are a little funeralish for me but you are a legend so you get a pass for that. You still look fab. Gabby, you are such a star. You were ferocious in AHS season 3!!! Bravo!! More more!! This is probably my favorite gown you have ever worn. I love it. And I love the COLOR!!!
Pink
She is perfectly dressed for such a beautiful tribute. To see how to wow a crowd with your voice and how to dress to impress, click the link below and watch Pink. The ONLY thing I have against this performance is the fact that she breaks the word “OVER” in the phrasing.. kind of an odd choice, but it didn’t ruin it for me. She’s a powerful vocalist and a true performer.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/pink-performance-oscars-2014-684539
Here it is……. BEST DRESSED for the OSCARS 2014!!!!!!!
10. Jennifer Lawrence
LOOK AT YOU! Such a little starlet! So beautiful (I hate the CORAL color) but I do love you and I love the dress. You look perfect. You pull off that color very nicely.
9. Kate Hudson
Honey, you are it. I love pretty much everything you put on. This gown was superb!
The hair, the cape! The clutch! OH MY!! I don’t even mind the neutral cream color!
8. Kristen Bell
Some may say, “Hey, why isn’t she in your Bleep Bloop Blahp section”? Simple answer. It’s my blog and I love her. She’s fantastic. And unlike those other dresses, this has a little something extra. I love the detail in the bodice and I love the jewels. She’s delightful. I love you Kristen.
7. Cate Blanchett
CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!!! I have to admit, I wasn’t pulling for you. My Best Actress heart was pulling for another. However, you look lovely. I’m a fan. Most of the time you have hits in your fashion and tonight is one of them. Darling gown and beautiful hair. Bravo!
6. Amy Adams
I love love love this gown. You are such a class act. How gorgeous you are. The sleek figure and the detailed bust line. Perfection. You’re awesome. And you know it. Clap your hands.
5. Matthew and Camila McConaughey
These two go together like PB & J. Doesn’t she look like royalty? I love the cape action she has going on and the champagne color. I even dig Matthew’s white tux. Congrats on your win. As a fellow Longhorn (well.. by proxy of working there for 7 glorious years), I think I speak for the entire campus when I say “Hook ‘em! YOU MAKE TEXAS PROUD!!!”
4. Kelly Osbourne
I am constantly impressed with you. Seriously. You have impressed me more times than not. You look absolutely stunning. The only piece of the puzzle that needs any tweeking (if at all) would be the purple hair. But—I know that you are under contract for a little while longer with that so I will forgive you. I do look forward to you being able to get rid of the purple hue though. Regardless you look fantastic.
3. Jenna Dewan-Tatum
A year ago, I would have HATED this dress. But for some reason, I love it on Jenna. She looks like one of those dancers in a jewelry box that pops up and plays.. you know the kind I’m talking about? I don’t even mind the blah color. It goes nice against her dark hair. I think she looks pretty fab.
2. Sandra Bullock
Isn’t she lovely? Some people absolutely dogged her in the critic circle. I, however, found her dress to be totally refreshing and beautiful having this splash of color among so many who went with cream, white, off white.. bleep bloop blahp. Getting back to Sandy.. her hair is AMAZING. Look at it? She has Pantene Pro-V splashed all over those locks. I ❤ her. I loved GRAVITY. OMG. I love that film. So beautiful. She was perfect. She should have won. As much as I love Cate, Sandy should have won that award. Hands down.
Well folks.. here it is… she swept all of my lists as #1 this award season and I know she has moved her way right into everyone’s hearts after that beautiful acceptance speech.
1. LUPITA NYONG’O!!!!!!
Sunday night was HER night. Love the color, love the headband, love the lipgloss, love the bracelet, I love EVERYTHING. Did you see her acceptance speech? People could learn a thing or two about humility from watching her acceptance speech. Try not to cry when you watch it. I look forward to seeing SO MUCH more from you!!!
Click here to watch her accept her award!
Well, that’s it for this year folks. I can’t wait for next time! I will leave you with Ellen’s monologue. She was absolutely brilliant and SO darn funny. Love you Ellen!
Mad Time Mama! 
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