Mad Time Mama!

Oscar time.

FIRST OFF.  I’m a vocalist and performer so let me just say that although Ms. Zeta-Jones is a wonderful actress and my father is in love with you, if you are going to perform, don’t lip sync. (Or at least try a little harder…. yea.. we noticed).  Jennifer Hudson, you are so inspiring. Bravo. Les Mis cast….. uh….. I was embarrassed for you (besides Hugh and Samantha– ya’ll were great… but that’s because you all are broadway vets).  Did anyone else cringe towards the end of their little performance??? Oh man, I just kept closing my eyes hoping it was over soon to save their embarrassment. Eesh.

Second, Seth MacFarlane…. you are RUTHLESS.  And you are kinda cute when you know you’ve been bad.  hee hee  Bravo. Haven’t had that much fun since Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes. Although, Tina and Amy did great too. Awesome touch in including Bill Shatner in your opening number.  LOOOOOOVE me some Bill Shatner.

Now…. for the fashion. I know you’re ready.  So am I.

 

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

Lets start with the fellas.

Jason Schwartzman

I ❤ mustaches.  I get this guy.  He’s awesome.

Chris Pine

Though I’m not crazy about the scruff.. you are such a delicious specimen of a man.  Perfect cast as James T. Kirk.  PERFECTION.

Hugh Jackman

Is there anything this man can’t do?  Including looking great with rotted teeth in Les Mis?

Bradley Cooper

The COOP!!  I’ve been a fan of this dude since he was in Alias as Will.  Then when he was in A-Team…. shoo wee!! Good looking dude.  I’m so proud of him.  You can honestly see him grow as an actor in every film that he’s in.  Congrats on that nomination and I have no doubt you will have your own Oscar soon!!

Daniel Day Lewis

Do you remember Last of the Mohicans?  He was BRILLIANT in that film.  When he looked at Madeleine Stowe and said “I will find you!”   … oh, I melt.  He reminds me of my husband.  THAT is yummy.  My husband is yummy.  Mr. Day Lewis is yummy.  It’s a win-win. Congrats on your win Danny!!!  ❤ you!

Jeremy Renner

Doesn’t Jeremy look like a bashful toddler in this picture?? hee hee

COUPLE TIME!

The Coopers!  

Bradley brought his Mama!  Love it. Is she wearing tennis shoes?  My kind of Mama.

George Clooney and Stacy Kiebler

Setting a world record.  I can’t decide if they look good together or not.  Meh.

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton

Birds of a feather….. (And  I love them both) Sorry about your arm Tim.

The Jackmans

The sexiest thing about Hugh Jackman is not his ability to completely slay every role he’s ever in (even the stinkers he’s great!).  It’s how he constantly shows us how much he loves his wife.  He absolutely adores her and talks about her all the time.  SO sexy.

The Tatums

So adorable.  Congrats on the bump! 🙂

zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz… oh sorry… what were you wearing?  I didn’t necessarily had any issue with these dresses.  HOWEVER, they are completely boring and not interesting at all.  

Giuliana Rancic

Meh.  It’s ok.  It’s actually pretty nice for someone who judges other people’s fashion choices.  You know?  It’s not flashy, and it’s forgettable.  One thing that REALLY bothers me about her look is that she looks greasy.  Her hair looks HORRIBLE and stringy. THIS IS THE OSCARS!!!!!!  Try please!

Jennifer Aniston

You know, this dress is actually REALLY great– boring and a bit bridesmaidish.. but great.  It’s really beautiful. The color suits her (although I hate it and would NEVER where this color). Here’s the million dollar question and I feel as if I am not alone in this….. WHY didn’t she do something with her hair?  Is everyone else kinda bored with her whole long layered look?

Renee Zellweger

What is with the fascination with these gorgeous ladies wanting to make their hair look like a grease pit?  Renee is one of my favorites. I love her– she’s also from Texas and I love all things Texas.  Her dress from the 2001 Oscars will make my all time favorite list someday.  She has the ability to pick AWESOME gowns.  C’mon!  You’re killing me here Renee!  Not a good color at all.  In fact there is a lack of color here.  This is my favorite dress she has ever worn to the Oscars… THIS is an Oscar dress ———->  Click Here.

Samantha Barks

You are a FANTASTIC vocalist.  By far the best next to Hugh in the whole Les Mis debacle.  I love this dress but it’s missing color on the lips, eyes, necklace…. something… I need a splash of color or it makes me fall asleep– no matter how much non-cleavage you show.

BIG RISK AND WON… AGAIN!

Nancy O’Dell

When this gal  gets a good dress she knocks it out of the park.  She looks GREAT in all shades of cool colors.  This is a gorgeous gown.  Although I typically vomit on those who do the high slit thing, I think Nancy rocks this whole look with class.  I love absolutely EVERYTHING about this dress.  Hair, shoes, fit of the dress, color, make up and neckline… gorgeous.  She looks better than most of the nominees!!! HA!

Meh, at least you tried folks.

Jacki Weaver

I just don’t like it.  Nope.  Not at all. Not even a little.

Kelly Ripa

Floral prints?  NO THANKS. You need to have a discussion about that with my opera professor.

Kelly Rowland

Seriously?  I don’t like the wink-wonk booby action.  I don’t like the high slit. BUT I do like the hair, makeup and earrings.  Well done on that. The dress.. meh.

Olivia Munn

I like the corset, but the curtain wrap at the bottom doesn’t do anything for this dress.

Salma Hayek

I miss her in color. Is it just me or does she remind ya’ll of Liz Taylor in Cleopatra?  I’m not sure if that’s the look she was going for, but that’s what it looks like to me.

I love this woman.

Helena Bonham Carter

She’s such a hot mess and she looks good doing it.  I adore this woman.

Most Improved Award

Kerry Washington

Sweet Kerry Washington!  You are beautiful!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for not wearing something like this —>  Click here   or this —–> Click Here.  Well done!

Not a good idea.

Tabtiha Coffey

Eesh.  Did a plastic black swan sacrifice itself to make that dress?  I dig the gloves.. kinda a throwback to hollywood glamour but you are being far from glamorous here in my opinion.

Jane Fonda

You know, my favorite role you ever played was on 9 to 5.  Best role by far. This dress?  You look like a banana.  You’re Jane Fonda!  WHY???????

Halle Berry

I’m a fan of Star Trek, and this outfit would be perfect on there … not on the red carpet.  Also… shoulder pads?? REALLY?  WHY ARE YOU BRINGING BACK SHOULDER PADS??????

Kristin Stewart

K-Stew, I’m speaking directly to you.  Please brush your hair. Please do something with other than flipping it from side to side . Why couldn’t you have worn the wedding dress from Breaking Dawn Pt. 1?  It didn’t have to be white.. it could’ve been any color and still look better than how you look in this dress.  BLAGH I say.

 
Amy Adams

It’s crazy how one dress will look horrible on one person (Amy) and the how it will look great on another.. it’s like a whole other dress on Kaley Cuoco, see?

Melissa McCarthy

Sweet Melissa!  You are a beautiful lady and have nothing to be ashamed of.  I’ve seen you knock frocks out of the park.  See?  See? See?   This was an off night for you … I am CERTAIN you won’t make this mistake again. Hit up Octavia’s stylist if you need suggestions.  Mm’KK?

WHO INVITED THIS CHICK??????

Brandi Glanville

Seriously??? This isn’t the Adult Film Awards.  She makes the Oscars look cheap… eh eh?  (ps. she “designed this dress” ….. wow, what a waste of time!)

“We Miss the Seal days AWARD”

Heidi Klum

She didn’t go to the Oscars.. but she went to the after party.  This is what she wore.  Yup. We miss when she was just a super model mom of four and the wife of Seal.

SPARKLE CITY!

Jennifer Hudson

Didn’t she just blow everyone outta of their seats with her performance?  Such a powerhouse.  If you missed it, you can see a clip of it here!    Not a fan of this dress.. but I LOOOOOVED the one she performed in.  THAT is what I’m talking about— sparkly, sexy and fits like a glove.

Kelly Osbourne

I like the dress. I don’t like it on her.  I really don’t like it with the purple hair. Need a color change.

Kristin Chenowith

I love this chick.  She’s pretty much one of the strongest, best vocalists around.  And she’s funny.  I have a love/hate relationship with this dress though.  I love the sparkle for sure, but I can’t put my finger on it.  When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.

Naomi Watts

Eesh.  This goes into the same category as Halle Berry.  It’s awkward and in my opinion, as beautiful as a gal as she is, she looks a bit awkward in it.  However, I do love the color, sparkle and the tiny train.  Actually, If the shoulder wasn’t ridiculously cut out and put back in place I would love this dress.  AND it’s hemmed just PERFECTLY .. a rare occurrence these days.  OH, and your face looks flawless.  Beautifully done on the make up Naomi and congrats on your nomination!

Nicole Kidman

I feel like we are making a trip back to the 1980s fashion runway. How heavy is this dress? I bet it weighs 25 pounds alone EASY.  This actually reminds me of my sister’s prom dress.  It looked something like this except it was not short– it was all the was all the way to the floor… Click Here.  I loved my sister’s dress. I don’t like Ms. Kidman’s dress.  I do like her hair though. And I do love her aussie-ness.

Sandra Bullock

I love Sandra Bullock.  I’m looking at this dress loving it starting at her head.. and then I make my way down to the skirt and YUP.  You guessed it.  I hate THE SHEER.  It’s annoying.  The sheer see through crap faze barely made it’s presence known on the Oscars Red Carpet … why did it have to happen to you Sandy?  With that said, if I don’t concentrate on the bottom half of your body, I’m in love with the dress.  I’m STILL in love with you and can’t wait for the day that we can sit together and eat lunch being the BFFs that we are meant to be.

Stacy Kiebler

Isn’t she cute?  I love her hair and she has GORGEOUS shoulders.  Seriously, they are super great. I like the halter neck of this dress. I’m not wild about the design of the dress or with the pink beading (is there pink beading at the bottom? or is the the change of color from the sequins?) Usually I like pink anything, but this.. meh. In fact, I don’t like this dress.   But she has a great hairdo.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE OSCARS!

Anne Hathaway

I’m not a hater. But I’m not an admirer either.  This dress was by far the biggest surprise and biggest disappointment.  I expected more. I expected an Oscar dress from you.  This ain’t it.  We all knew you were going to win and you pick THIS?  WOW.  At least steam it or something next time. Congrats on your win though.. and your hair and make up look beautiful.

BEST DRESSED BEST DRESSED BEST DRESSED!!!!!

You know, all of the other awards shows are for warming up.  For the Oscars, a dress must practically be a separate entity.  It’s gotta have that ZING factor and be interesting.

13.  Zoe Saldana

How gorgeous is this dress?  It’s so interesting and I love the shades along the hemline.  Ms. Saldana is a GORGEOUS woman.  She’s come a long way since Crossroads with Britney Spears… hahaha thought we would forget, huh?  You were great in that and you are even better today.  Yea.. I watched Crossroads. So what?

12. Queen Latifah

Doesn’t she look delightful?  She knows what looks good on her and I’m constantly impressed with her.  Love the color, love the fit … you look lovely.

11.  Robin Roberts

This is how you do it folks.  You look radiant Robin!  Welcome back!  I absolutely LOVE this dress. I want one in every color.  Isn’t the fabric gorgeous? She looks like royalty.  Love it. (You have lovely arms by the way).

10.  Jessica Chastain

Talk about old Hollywood glamour!  Normally I would tell a red-head never to wear this color… but dang, she is smoking! I love the hair, I love the make up (the lips really do tie everything together), I love the neckline… lovely!  The only complaint I have about this dress is the hem… I don’t understand it. Congrats on your nomination!  Can’t wait to see you in the future!

9.  Jennifer Lawrence

How appropriate!  She was the lady of the night and this dress certainly helped her played the part well (despite her tripping up the stairs… but she handled that with grace).  It is almost bride-ish.. but with the detail on the dress it sets it a part enough I think.  Congrats on your win Jennifer! I can’t wait to see the movie!

8. Reese Witherspoon

It’s my fellow Tennessean lady! I love the black detail on this dress (complete with a little bow!).  The blue is a fantastic color against her golden locks.  So pretty!  That particular fabric constantly makes dresses look wrinkled.. but despite that, Ms. Witherspoon looks amazing.

7. Charlize Theron

OMG.  SUCH a drop dead beautiful lady.  She looks like the oscar trophy. This dress alone would be boring to me.. slap it on Charlize and sha-ZAAAAAM!  I love it.  I love the beautiful corset and the train.  She was able to help a dude suffering from a seizure in this dress moments before this picture was taken.  Isn’t she amazing?  I love her.  I also love her J’adore commercial.

6. Adele

Did ya’ll catch her performance?  Click here.  The best of the best. So why didn’t the sound engineer fix her mic during the chorus of the song? The part where she bends the pitch just slightly is genius.  **sigh** Nothing like have good sound peeps doing your mix.  Back to the dress. I love the length of this dress and the sparkle.  I also love 1/2 sleeve. Her hair and makeup look like perfection.  If there was a definition, Adele’s face would be right there beside it.

5.  Catherine Zeta-Jones

Va Va Voom.. THIS IS AN OSCAR DRESS.  Look at the detail! Look at the color! I love the contrast between her dark hair and the color of the dress.  One tip, sync up your lips when you LIP SYNC.  Granted, put me on a stage and be asked to sing upside down.. I wouldn’t be able to do it either….. but I would TRY!   PS.  My dad thinks you’re hot.

4.  Maria Menounos

I adore this whole package.  From the dress to the hair to the jewels.  It’s a throw back to the 60s with her hair and she’s a total sexy minx.  She’s also pretty darn consistent on the red carpet.  See?  See?  See?  She knows her look.

3. Amanda Seyfried

THIS IS AN OSCAR DRESS.  Look at the detail on this dress.  How gorgeous does she look?  I’ve said it before in my movie review for GONE.  She’s been in some real bombs, but man, I have such high hopes for her.  She is a wonderful actress.  I want her to do well.  I really do.  With all this said, she’s pretty darn consistent on the red carpet as well.  See? See? See?

2. Jennifer Garner

Anyone who knows me knows how much my husband and I love Jennifer Garner (Especially in ALIAS as Sydney Bristow, HOLLLLLLLAAAAA!!!!!).  How adorable were her and Ben?  This dress is so lovely.  So classy and perfect when combined with her husband.  She is such a classy broad.

HERE IT IS FOLKS…#1… it might be a different choice, but it’s MY choice!

1.  Octavia Spencer

I love full figured ladies who know how to dress (cuz I need all the inspiration I can get…and I have zero style folks). This lady is an inspiration (take note Melissa McCarthy– get her stylist’s number!) She KNOWS how to dress for a formal affair with the body God gave her.  The slanted shoulder line is so graceful!  The color is PERFECT.  Such a classy lady. THIS is an OSCAR dress for an OSCAR winner! War Eagle Octavia, War Eagle.

What did we learn this award season people?  Let’s recap:

1) See through crap/Sheer fabric messes SUCK.

2) Floral Prints are a HUGE NO NO.

3) No matter how cool you want it to be, shoulder pads are something that should STAY in the past and never make a come back.

4) High slits are OVERRATED!

5) STEAM your DRESSES!!!!

In closing, I would just like to say THANK YOU BABS for singing.  I think I speak for all young vocalists when I say  “I wanna be you when I grow up!”

Tags: adele, Amanda Seyfried, Amy Adams, anne hathaway, Barbara Streisand, Bradley Cooper, Brandi Glanville, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum, Charlize Theron, Daniel Day Lewis, George Clooney, Giuliana Rancic, halle berry, Heidi Klum, Helena Bonham Carter, Hugh Jackman, Jacki Weaver, Jane FOnda, Jason Schwartzman, Jennifer Aniston, jennifer garner, Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Lawrence, jessica chastain, Kelly Osbourne, Kelly Ripa, Kelly Rowland, Kerry Washington, Kristen Chenowith, Kristen Stewart, maria menounos, Melissa McCarthy, nancy o'dell, naomi watts, nicole kidman, Octavia Spencer, Olivia Munn, Queen Latifah, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellweger, Robin Roberts, Salma Hayek, Samantha Barks, Sandra Bullock, Stacy Kiebler, Tabitha Coffey, Tim Burton, Zoe Saldana