Mama and Papa’s first movie review! Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol = Movie Vomit

22 Apr

Star Rating:    NO STARS.

(for Star Rating key: https://madtimemama.wordpress.com/mama-and-papa-movie-reviews/)

My husband and I are huge Mission Impossible fans. We’ve enjoyed most of the franchise.  Most of the time with these movies, if there are holes, I can usually forgive them.  But this time . . . THAT is the impossible mission.

This movie is so slow and full of holes it can barely stay afloat. Even the beginning feels forced and fake, like they’re re-enacting something that worked one time before, trying to recreate that success. The movie moves at a snail’s pace that is hard to watch because it drags on and on and on.  Also, with the slow pace, it’s hard to get attached to the characters.  Simon Pegg is just about the only saving grace in this film.  And every five minutes the characters all sit down to “fill us in” on stuff that has already happened, or in some cases stuff that JUST happened.  It’s like the script went through so many hands and rewrites the only thing they ended up with was a patchwork group of scenes that had to be pasted together by having the actors give us an exposition after every action sequence, just to keep the “story” moving.

Now, about that story . . .

1)   Storyline was one dimensional.  Did the bad guy ever really say anything? (Which is too bad because he was pretty darn awesome in the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo — Swedish Version)  We only know anything about him or his threat due to –you guessed it—what the other actors sat down and told us about him.

2)   Too much of the story is just told (with terrible acting) without actually being shown.

3)   Light stick + river = one of the dumbest things ever in any movie, ever.  Ever.

4)   Established threat, complicated mission, fast moving sequences = Mission Impossible formula for success …  you will find none of that here.

5)   The climbing the tallest building in the world stunt was a great idea—however, little Tommy is making an awful lot of ruckus on the windows.  It’s a hotel right?  Or a least a very busy building… so if he is climbing up 10 stories on the outside on the windows themselves, wouldn’t someone see him and be curious as to why this petite man is climbing the building?

6)   Sandstorm fail.  Cheap way to film the chase scene in L. A. without having to film it in Dubai.  Lame.

7)   There’s a limited number of cool gadgets (that number is pretty close to zero) in this film.

8)   His wife is dead.  No, she’s not.  Wait, maybe she is.  Oh look, there she is.  Hi! The End. Dumb.

9)   The Mission Impossible theme song is hardly played. Only hints at the main riff during movie if at all – making it feel like some kind of random “lets see Tom Cruise run – a lot – and then say cheesy lines …..

With a fist in the air, Ethan grabs the briefcase controlling the nuclear missile and manages to slam his fist down on the briefcase stopping the missile, therefore averting catastrophe and actually says “Mission Accomplished.”    ……. HORRIBLE.  THEN, two minutes later, there they are again telling us about what just happened.

10)   WTF is up with Ving Rhames?  Did he HAVE to make an appearance? I mean, I would have rather seen him, little Tommy (only because he is Ethan Hunt after all) and Mr. Pegg thru the whole movie.

11)  This movie ends with a big round of laughs with everyone sitting around the table.  Yay, we can get on with our careers!  Bleh, no thanks.

I HATED this movie.

One of my imaginary BFFs is JJ Abrams. He helped produce the movie. JJ  … call me.  We should talk.

A quote from my husband.  “Garbage.”

A quote from me:    “Suck.”

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