Emmy’s 2012 Fashion Review!

25 Sep

My first fashion review. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t know ANYTHING  about fashion.  In fact, (especially these days) I pretty much wear a comfy tank, comfy pants and my birks for any occasion.   So what gives me the right to completely bare my unintelligent fashion soul on the internet?   Because I can folks, because I can.  Keep in mind that the dresses this year looked ABSOLUTELY awful. The colors were ALL wrong, the cuts made toothpicks look like wonka oompaloompas and don’t even get me started on Ashely Judd’s hair… Yikes.  Really and truly all the dresses sucked, but there were some that were “ok” which are listed as my best dressed.

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

My top five WORST dressed at the 2012 Emmys are:

5.  Heidi Klum
Yes. Heidi has an amazing body. BUT, for someone who is all into fashion, she is trying WAY too hard to appear younger.  She looks YOUNG, she looks FRESH, she doesn’t need a tacky sea foam, high slit dress to prove it.  Start being a little more classy Heidi. Find a better cut because I expect better from you!

4.   January Jones
Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow got all goth and went to the Academy Awards several years ago?  Yea.  Total fashion stupidity.  January, quit consulting Gwynnie, get with it or don’t show up.

3.  Elizabeth Moss
Just no.  NO. NO. NO.  As my opera professor would say “Floral prints are distracting.  Wear them and fail.”   Liz, you TOTALLY crashed and burned.  Also, is your hair naturally blonde?  No offense, but I think you would look really nice as a dark headed lady. I don’t watch your show and I know nothing about your acting talent… but that dress tells me a lot about your willingness to say yes to people when you should have said NO! Feel the power of SAYING NO!!!!

2.   Julianna Margulies

W.  T.  F  JULIANNA!  Seriously, what is up with these floral prints?  It looks like a horrible shower curtain from 1972.  So ugly.  AND POCKETS?  SERIOUSLY?  POCKETS?  Also, not that I particularly care because I’m sure I have a farmer’s tan on my ankles from my socks.. but we totally see your tan line!!  You are SUCH a bold lady, with a STRIKING face… you do SO SO well in bold, dark colors.  Next time, DO NOT disappoint me.

1.  Lena Dunham
Lena, I don’t even know who you are. Please don’t ever wear something like this again.  It looks like the most horrible bridesmaid dress ever known to man. Except it looks like a blue lace doily on a sad pony.

My top five forgettable (not bad, but nothing spectacular) are:  

5.  Christina Hendricks
Ok .. so you have big boobs.  I get it.  As a lady who is extremely well endowed herself, I can honestly say that you have overexposed your assets.  Can we see something different?  Impress me PLEASE. You are being overshadowed by your boobs. The color of your dress sucks. You’re a pretty gal, and yes luscious boobies.  Your dresses are becoming….. nothing in the fashion history books.

4.  Claire Danes
This cut looks good on NO ONE.  Not a toothpick, not a full figured gal and certainly not a 2nd trimester preggo gal even though you still look like a toothpick..  NO one can save this style of a dress.  I’m not a fan of the mustard yellow either against your platinum locks either.  Washes you out completely.  Had you had a darker shade of blonde, the color might .. *MIGHT* have worked. But as is, no way.

3.  Zooey Deschanel
This is a mess.  Just a total mess.  I wish it had been just a shade darker with the fabric color. Also, did Edward Scissorhands cut this dress up?  Just saying.

2.  Mayim Bialik
Eesh. I don’t  like the cut or style at all for her.  She’s not 70.  Also, I’m not a fan of the drape fabric.  I like the color.. just not the fabric, cut or style.  You can do much, MUCH better Mayim.  On an aside, your hair looks gorgeous.

1.  Kerry Washington
You. Are. A. Pretty. Girl.  Did you forget to stop by hair and makeup?  You almost look like a lush that threw on a sparkly dress. Is that too harsh?  Well,  I guess it’s just my disappointment. I absolutely LOVE you in Scandal and I was really hoping to have that fabulous hairdo you have on the show and some beautiful color on your dress.  That color just ain’t it for you darlin.  Totally forgettable.

My top five for BEST dressed:

5. Julie Bowen
GORGEOUS cut and fit.  But the color is wrong.  You look a little washed out.  Your hair would have looked nice had it had some soft flowing curls, but it just looks like stringy rat hair. I think you can do much better!  Also, put some color on your lips… I can’t see you Julie!  You are such a pretty lady!  Come back to us!

4.  Jessica Lange
Madame Lange.  You are one of THE MOST amazing actresses. You are absolutely stunning in just about ANYTHING.  I truly think you could wear a paper bag and you would rock it like no tomorrow.  Other than the fact I am not a fan of this coral color for myself, you pull it off quite nicely.  I do think the dress could have been better fitted to you.. but you still owned the red carpet like the sexy minx that you are.  Oh, and I dig the sunglasses.  You are a SUCH a classy broad! I ❤ you and CANNOT — ABSOLUTELY CANNOT wait until the American Horror Story premiere! OMG! I cannnnnnnot wait!

3. Ginnifer Goodwin

I like this little ditty. And it looks cute against your pixie cut.  Again, not a fan of that coral color. BUT it’s a great cut, fit and style for you Ginnifer!  Bravo!

2. Kelly Osbourne
I have a soft spot for Kelly.  She used to be this kid who said “she was a chunky girl.”  Being a quite chunky girl myself, I am SO proud of her for getting healthy and looking fabulous!  I think she’s been amazing with her style and the confidence she exudes these days.  I also love how playful she is with her hair.  You are stunning Kelly!  Love the dress, love the hair, love the lipstick– love it all!

1.  Padma Lakshmi
Just about the ONLY dress that doesn’t need any change whatsoever.  Lovely cut, wonderful color against her skin, nice and natural flowing hair.  A+ Padma.

Again, what do I know about dresses and fashion?  Nada.. but that’s what makes it so fun! I’m a celebrity enthusiast and I just can’t help myself! Also, I intentionally left Sofia Vergara off.  She’s gorgeous yes and part of it is out of envy and jealousy … but I am SO ANNOYED by her.  WAY.  OVEREXPOSED.  Like Lady Gaga OVEREXPOSED. I didn’t like her dress or the color.  Her hair looked nice. But that’s about it. The End.

(Yea… I’m totally jealous of Sofia Vergara…. at least I can admit it)

One Response to “Emmy’s 2012 Fashion Review!”

  1. Theresa C. from Austin September 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    I was sure Zooey Deschanel was going to have a wardrobe malfunction – she looked like she was about to pop out…

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