Mad Time Mama!

So, I wasn’t able to cover the Grammys due to Mommy and Rockstar duties. But honestly… did you miss it? The fashion at the Grammys has gone WAY downhill.  I’ll tell you that there are two things I remember about this year’s Grammys.  Beyonce’s butt silouette and Pink doing a repeat performance high wire routine.  Both of which I wish I could forget for the most part.  However, one of my finest, smartest and coolest pals named Joy said about Pink, “If I could do what she does I would do it everywhere.”  And honestly, if I had Beyonce’s butt, I would want to be naked all the time and run through the streets in a g-string singing Girls Who Run The World…….Don’t lie… you would too.

Anyways… back to the task at hand.  The Oscars is a VERY VERY different story.

The fashion at the Oscars is the BIGGEST FASHION moment all year and our beautiful Hollywood actors and actresses did not disappoint.

Lets dive in and start with the MAMAS!!!

BUMPIN’ IT UP

Kerry Washington

YOU BLEW ME AWAY.  You look GORGEOUS.  So perfect and glowing.  Gorgeous color, beautiful hair.  Delicious lips. I love it all.  You look STUNNING.

Olivia Wilde

Such sophistication.  She’s not due for a couple more months and she is looking beautiful.  Throughout this award season, she has been so proud of her bump.  This time is no different.  Love the halter top and the white back.  So lovely.

Elsa Pataky (a.k.a Mrs. Chris Hemsworth)

This bumpin’ Mama is carrying twins this time around.  If I were carrying the God of Thunder’s babies, I’d be bumpin’ it all over west Hollywood too.  Heck yea I would.  She looks so happy and content.  I love the Mama aura – she’s beautiful.  And very old Hollywood glamour.

 

 

 

A Free Pass.

Alfre Woodward

I love the color and detail but hate the cleavage mesh (as glorious as your boobies are).   You look very regal though.

Bette Midler

You get a pass Divine Ms. M.  That’s right… I don’t have one problem with your dress.  You look fantastic. I hope I look as good as you when I grow up. However, while you were a strong influence in my youth and remain to this day as one of my singing idols, I was disappointed in your performance.  I wasn’t sure what all the hand spasms were about or was it just me? In fact, it kinda ruined the whole memorium for me.  If you had just come out and sung the song like normal without all the ad lib and awkward hand gestures, it would have sold me. Anyways, regardless, this is your free pass. I love you, and will always love you. You are the wind beneath my wings… and every other 35 year old girl who still cries when she watches Beaches at home on a Saturday night eating her Ben and Jerry’s softly rocking from side to side while singing The Glory of Love.  Yea, that’s me. I need to go on a diet.

Follow this link to see her performance and draw your own conclusions:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/02/oscars-bette-midler-wind-beneath-my-wings/

Goldie Hawn

My funny buddy Dusty summed this caption up perfectly:

“Goldie always looks like she just got home from a party.”

… yea.. at the botox/plastic surgeon clinic.  But hey! Who cares! You’re Goldie Hawn.  Do whatchoowant.

June Squibb

You look divine June.  So regal and the color suits you.  I cannot wait to see Nebraska.  Bruce Dern is such a favorite and the clips I’ve seen of you in Nebraska tell me I’m going to love you too.  Congrats on your nomination!! You’re beautiful—as far as I am concerned you can have a free pass from me any time.

Meryl Streep

Distinguished, classy, lovely lady of mine.  You are the epitome of elegance and grace.  You’re the best in your craft and it is only matched by your unparalleled beauty and humility.   Keep on keepin’ on.

 

 

Bringin’ the Wonk

Anna Kendrick

I look forward to seeing good things from you in the acting world.  This dress …. Yuck.  The see through crap and the weird midriff.  You are a gorgeous, talented lady who does not need to show your midriff.  Leave that to Britney.  She has to do that.

Anne Hathaway

“YOU THERE! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?”   …. Seriously… what is it?  Cuz by the looks of it we need to give the creators of 300 a little call for a screen test for you in the next sequel.  You take yourself way too seriously.

Charlize Theron

Charlize De Vil, Cruella’s younger sister from Jersey Shore.

Julie Delpy

She looks like fan. See?

Kelly Ripa

I’m gonna blame this on the angle.. but two words.  Ribs and Spanx.  I love Kelly Ripa and think she is Wonder Woman.  I worry though.

Kristen Chinoweth

She literally looks like the Oscar Trophy. Either that or she looks like a golden mermaid keychain.  I miss her long hair.

Liza Minnelli

THE QUEEN OF THE WONK.  Who can do the wonk and almost make it classy?  Liza can.  Almost.

Ok.. maybe not. The blue hair is fun tho!

Sally Hawkins

YIKES.  One of the UGLIEST dresses I have ever seen in my whole life, henceforth, forever more, AMEN.  Fire your stylist Mayim Bialik!

 

 

The Bleep Bloop Blahp

These gowns are all TOTAL snoozefests.  I don’t know if it’s the neutral color  of all of these dresses or what.. but nothing about these dresses tickle my “oooooo—wowwweeeee” bone.

The Bleep

Angelina Jolie …Really?  This was what you said yes to? I will say it’s nice to see you smiling. THAT is what looks good on you.   Sarah Paulson, you look bored… zzzzzz

The BLOOP

Calista Flockhart — Eeeeeeeeesh. Not a fan.  Maria Menounos, you were on my best dressed how many times?  I like your hair though. Naomi Watts, yuck hair and yuck tshirt dress.

 

The Blahp

Laura Dern—I really love you.  I REALLY REALLY love your dad.  SO brilliant.  The dress is pretty.. I just wish it was a different color, honestly.  The color makes it so blah.  Tara Lapinski – meh. Prom at best.  And Jessica Biehl, you look washed out … You’re such a pretty gal and I wish you would wear some color against your gorgeous hair and skin tone.

 

 

The Tasteful but not too flashy

Jennifer Garner (a.k.a my husband’s not so secret crush)

I’m not crazy about this dress. But it doesn’t deserve to be in the worst dress or my Bleep Bloop Blahp section apparently. I love Jennifer Garner. If only she could meet me I know we would bond, have playdates with our kids and drink Starbucks together. That said, she wasn’t up for an award. So it makes sense to be classy but not too flashy. I’m just not crazy about the flapper kinda style.  My husband sweetly disagrees because he is in love with her. Therefore, this section is in honor of him.

Adell Nazeem

Ok ok…. the hiccup heard across the world.  John Travolta had one job to do and he messed it up.  On the upside, I thought it was super funny and random.  I am a huge Idina Menzel fan. Ever since her days in Rent on Broadway she has captivated me.  However, I wasn’t crazy about her dress – again not a worst dressed—but not a homerun either.  Also, maybe it was because John Travolta got all wacky and pronounced her name wrong, but her performance was off—and annoying.  And over exaggerated.  Which lately, all of her performances since her Wicked days seem to be that way.  Even on Glee.  In any case, any vocalist can learn from her—she definitely has made her mark in singing history— however,  I am not into her screeching/belting out method any more.  Just doesn’t do it for me.  It started to go downhill for me when she bobbled on Defying Gravity at the Tony’s when she won (which was an AMAZING performance… did you guys see that back in the day? Joy I know you and Anna were there! So jealous!!). I could hear it in her voice then.. and I hear it now… she’s gonna get nodes if she keeps it up.  Drink some water, quit screeching.  Remember, quality and intensity versus decibels.  Say it with me…Quality and intensity versus decibels.  Sorry, I watch way too much Dora the Explorer. I figure if repeating works for my 2 year old, it will work for you.  Still, I love you.  I just want you to have your voice when you grow up.  🙂

Follow this link to see her incredible performance and draw your own conclusions:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/03/idina-menzel-sings-let-it-go/

I’d much rather see this performance.. BRAVO!!!

 

 

 

THE WORST DRESSED LIST

4. Ashley Wagner

Alrighty, I get it.  You are gonna go for the gold in four years.  Not here at the Oscars. Hate this dress and your hair.  You were fantastic in Sochi (however…… complaining about the ice skating judging does nothing for your image regardless of how much you meant it with good intentions)  You are a badass and you are fearless on the ice.  Don’t lose sight of that.  With that said, lose the dress and find something else… and THE RED LIPSTICK.  YES.  I’m talking to you and to GRACIE GOLD! #overit  See you in four years—congrats on your job well done representing the most fantastic and awesome nation ever! GO TEAM USA!

On a complete SOCHI sidenote .. I love Sage Kotsenburg.  I want to be his best friend. Congrats on your gold medal buddy!!!!!  Next time you are in Ohio I’ll buy you a beer or a coffee or whateva.

3. Emma Watson

Gwynnie got to you didn’t she?  Yuck.  At least you’re not sagging like your style mentor. You’re Emma frickin’ Watson. You can do this. You are such a delight.  Wow me next time. I have my eye on you. I know you can do this!! One day you are going to be up there accepting your Oscar. I know it.

2.  Julia Roberts

You were a nominee this year and you chose that?  Man, when you won your Oscar it was one of my most FAVORITE gowns in OSCAR history!  You are one of the peeps that I cannot wait to see.  I don’t know.  Between you and Angelina, I’m a little concerned with where the gowns are headed in your future.  I don’t like it.  Also, I don’t like the updo.  You have such gorgeous hair.  I miss it. I miss your fun style.

1.  Viola Davis

I love me some Viola Davis.  But this gown ain’t doin’ it for me.  I do love the classic coif.  I’m just not feeling the color.  I do love the bracelets though.

 

 

 

 

HONORABLE MENTION

All of these ladies deserve a shout-out.  Nice effort and you look lovely (Lady Gaga, nice to see you in something so glamorous and old Hollywood style.)

Jada Pinkett Smith, Lady Gaga and Rachel Smith

Gabourey Sidibe and Glenn Close

Glenn you are a little funeralish for me but you are a legend so you get a pass for that. You still look fab.  Gabby, you are such a star.  You were ferocious in AHS season 3!!!  Bravo!!   More more!!  This is probably my favorite gown you have ever worn.  I love it.  And I love the COLOR!!!

Pink

She is perfectly dressed for such a beautiful tribute.  To see how to wow a crowd with your voice and how to dress to impress, click the link below and watch Pink.  The ONLY thing I have against this performance is the fact that she breaks the word “OVER” in the phrasing.. kind of an odd choice, but it didn’t ruin it for me.  She’s a powerful vocalist and a true performer.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/pink-performance-oscars-2014-684539

 

 

 

Here it is……. BEST DRESSED for the OSCARS 2014!!!!!!!

10.  Jennifer Lawrence

LOOK AT YOU! Such a little starlet! So beautiful (I hate the CORAL color) but I do love you and I love the dress. You look perfect.  You pull off that color very nicely.

9.  Kate Hudson

Honey, you are it.  I love pretty much everything you put on.  This gown was superb!

The hair, the cape! The clutch! OH MY!! I don’t even mind the neutral cream color!

8.  Kristen Bell

Some may say, “Hey, why isn’t she in your Bleep Bloop Blahp section”?  Simple answer.  It’s my blog and I love her.  She’s fantastic.  And unlike those other dresses, this has a little something extra.  I love the detail in the bodice and I love the jewels.  She’s delightful.  I love you Kristen.

7.  Cate Blanchett

CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!!!  I have to admit, I wasn’t pulling for you.  My Best Actress heart was pulling for another.  However, you look lovely.  I’m a fan.  Most of the time you have hits in your fashion and tonight is one of them.  Darling gown and beautiful hair.  Bravo!

6. Amy Adams

I love love love this gown. You are such a class act.  How gorgeous you are.  The sleek figure and the detailed bust line.  Perfection.  You’re awesome.  And you know it.  Clap your hands.

5.  Matthew and Camila McConaughey

These two go together like PB & J.  Doesn’t she look like royalty?  I love the cape action she has going on and the champagne color.  I even dig Matthew’s white tux.  Congrats on your win.  As a fellow Longhorn (well.. by proxy of working there for 7 glorious years), I think I speak for the entire campus when I say “Hook ‘em! YOU MAKE TEXAS PROUD!!!”

4.  Kelly Osbourne

I am constantly impressed with you.  Seriously.  You have impressed me more times than not.  You look absolutely stunning.  The only piece of the puzzle that needs any tweeking (if at all) would be the purple hair.  But—I know that you are under contract for a little while longer with that so I will forgive you.  I do look forward to you being able to get rid of the purple hue though.  Regardless you look fantastic.

3.  Jenna Dewan-Tatum

A year ago, I would have HATED this dress.  But for some reason, I love it on Jenna.  She looks like one of those dancers in a jewelry box that pops up and plays.. you know the kind I’m talking about?  I don’t even mind the blah color.  It goes nice against her dark hair.  I think she looks pretty fab.

2.  Sandra Bullock

Isn’t she lovely?  Some people absolutely dogged her in the critic circle.  I, however, found her dress to be totally refreshing and beautiful having this splash of color among so many who went with cream, white, off white.. bleep bloop blahp.  Getting back to Sandy.. her hair is AMAZING.  Look at it? She has Pantene Pro-V splashed all over those locks.  I ❤ her.  I loved GRAVITY.  OMG.  I love that film. So beautiful.  She was perfect.  She should have won. As much as I love Cate, Sandy should have won that award. Hands down.

Well folks.. here it is… she swept all of my lists as #1 this award season and I know she has moved her way right into everyone’s hearts after that beautiful acceptance speech.

1. LUPITA NYONG’O!!!!!!

Sunday night was HER night. Love the color, love the headband, love the lipgloss, love the bracelet, I love EVERYTHING.  Did you see her acceptance speech?  People could learn a thing or two about humility from watching her acceptance speech.  Try not to cry when you watch it. I look forward to seeing SO MUCH more from you!!!

Click here to watch her accept her award!

Well, that’s it for this year folks.  I can’t wait for next time! Congrats to all the nominees and all the winners.  Jared Leto, your speech was truly inspiring.  So proud of you!   I will leave you with Ellen’s monologue.  She was absolutely brilliant and SO darn funny.  Love you Ellen!

Click here to watch Ellen’s monologue!

Meh.  The Grammys.  There were no amazing TRUE BEST dressed celebs. However, there were some “unique” choices as well as a lot of peeps riding my pet peeve of sheer see-through messes.    I have little patience for the lack of effort among my celebrity pals below. This is an awards show… right? Like a formal awards show…. right?  When did the Grammys become so informal?  By the way I use the term “pals” loosely.. OK.. I really don’t know any of them but I know they would love me and we would be best friends if given the chance… right??? … hee hee hee)

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

 

 

Lets just get to it.  I cannot WAIT for the SHEER-SEE-THROUGH craze to go the way of the Do-Do. Why is this style so popular?  All these gals are so beautiful and these dresses do absolutely nothing for them in my opinion.

Ashanti

Is this dress supposed to resemble a japanese hand fan?  In that case, it’s beautiful.  Again, this style would do much better on an Olympic Ice Skater rather than on the red carpet.

 

 

D’Manti

Who is this? She’s a gorgeous gal — I just checked out her website (http://www.dmanti.com/) and she has  really cool picture in the side bar.  Obviously she loves to be naked– I don’t blame her. If I had her bod I would be all the time.  I just think this dress is a bit on the yuck and Courtney Love side of life (No offense C.L!  Love ya!)

 

 

Jack Osbourne’s wife

1.  She’s a BEAUTIFUL lady.  2.  This would be a cute outfit withOUT the sheer skirt attached.  Agreed?  3.  I would have LOVED to have seen her in a true evening gown. She would have ROCKED it.  Kinda like Julia Robert’s dress from her Oscar win for Erin Brokovich.

 

 

Miranda Lambert

This would have been a pretty nice dress if it didn’t have the sheer crap at the bottom.  I do like the plunging neckline. Sexy and tasteful for sure– and her hair looks beautiful as well.

Nicole Kidman

DIdn’t you use wear this last week at the SAGs  in a different color?  Bah.  Lady, you are a Hollywood Icon.  C’mon!

Rhianna

I have to admit…. I like this dress.  This is about one of the only dresses in the “see-through” universe that I think looks pretty neat.  Besides Ri-Ri’s nipple action, this is a home run for me!  Love the color, love the flow of the train, and I think her hair and makeup looks lovely.

Oooooo… the sparkly sparkles came out to play at the Grammys.

Ashlee Keating … who are you?  and um….

Uh……. why did you say yes to this dress?  Three words.  Fire your stylist.

 

 

Florence Welch

Eesh.  I’m kinda torn on this gal.  Yea I know lots of people dig her. And I personally dig her songs– they’re catchy and clever. HOWEVER,  if I’m being honest she hurts my ears (literally) because she sings out of tune.  Like on the same level as Natalie Merchant (yea…. I think you’re cool too but I can’t listen to you for a very long time or my ears will explode.)  Back to the dress…. I like it.  It’s fun and silly.  Very Wizard of Oz like.. reminds me of a cross between Elphaba and the Wizard himself.  If they had a kid, it would be Florence Welch. Don’t you agree?  Look how serious she is in this pic….. so deep.  🙂

Kat Dennings

You were funny in Thor.  I think I could be your friend.  We both have big lips and big boobies.  However, I’m becoming unimpressed with you like I am with Christina Hendricks.  I know you have huge bongos. Would love a little variety around the boobies. I say variety…. hahah.. this coming from someone who is lucky to get a shower and where something other than yoga pants and a strapless shirt) …. on second thought, just go ahead and wear your strapless dresses and push those puppies up.  I still hate this dress.  Sorry love.

 

 

Kathy Griffin

You are awesome and I love you.

Pauley Perette

I would NEVER wear this dress– but that’s only because I can’t rock the t-shirt dress form. Pauley, you’re super cool and you pretty much rock whatever you wear or do.  Keep on keepin’ on.

Skylar Grey

This chick is the one who wrote the song that Eminem and Rhianna sampled Love the way You Lie. She’s written lots of stuff.  I dig her voice.  I dig this dress. Not a fan of side side boob. BUT I do like the color and of course the sparkle. The halter looks ok but looks kind of wonky at the top or is that just my imagination?

 

Solange Knowles

I love Solange.  I DO like this dress. But I don’t love it. I dig the pink shoes too.  I looooooove her hair.

 

 

Carly Rae Jepson

She looks JUST like Marceline from Adventure Time.  See?

 
Are ya’ll a fan of the cut-outs?  I’m personally annoyed by them. Only because it’s like these gals take a GORGEOUS dress that would look great and someone takes a scissor to them.  Unnecessary in my opinion.

 

Alicia Keys

Why does she always smile as if she just passed gas?  (Is that rude or mean?  She’s a lovely gal don’t get me wrong.. it just always looks like she just let out a little something extra other than showing some skin…)

Estelle

Actually this dress is fugly. Perhaps the unnecessary cutout actually helps this dress.. eh.. I don’t know.  nothing can help this dress.

Kelly Osbourne

I think she would have looked great without the cutouts… this dress is beautiful and I love the way it accents her beautiful shoulders.  She really is a pretty gal and I’m so proud of her for getting sober and losing the weight (something I need to do as I pudge around my house as a professional poop slinger).

Natasha Bedingfield

At first glance this dress is boring to me.  I do like the color.  She looks like she just rolled out of bed with her hair though.  And the cut outs on the side.. meh…. stupid.

 

 

Hmmmmm.. Really???

Lila Downs

What is this? Who is she?

Lisa Damato

I kinda dig this.. for a costume. Is that what this is?  I liked he puff sleeves.  Anne Shirley got a dress from Matthew that had puffed sleeves.  But this DRESS.  Hmm. It’s like a cross between Alice in Wonderland and Heidi.  It also reminds me of P!nk’s wedding cake… See?

Adele

I ADORE ADELE.  But why are prints popular?  Adele you aren’t the first to fall for this heinous fad!  See Elisabeth?  See Julianna?

 

 

The “go on witcha bad self” award!

Kate Pierson of the B52s

Oh my.. this like Star Trek meets sparkle bondage.  I love it. I love her.  She makes my heart happy.

 

 

The “I make sheer- see- through look GOOD” award!

Kelly Rowland

WOW.  You know, This dress is mesmerizing.. kinda like one of those pictures where you have to focus to see the hologram or whatever the heck those pictures are. Pretty cool dress and if anyone can pull it off, it’s Ms. Rowland. On a side note, do you think she’s wearing underwear with this dress?  I mean, even thong would probably show somewhere in the sheer parts. Just curious.

 

 

Hold up…. it’s COUPLE time!

 

 

Faith Hill and Tim McGaw

Not wild about Faith’s dress (I loved her at the Oscars when Whitney pulled out that one year… see?   She sang “Over The Rainbow” last minute when Whitney Houston had to pull out for some reason– I think that dress is fun) In any case she is lovely gal.  And Tim McGraw…. every time I see these two it takes me back to her “Cry” album and his “Tim McGraw and the Dancehall Doctors” album.  I was in Montana and listened to Cry and Tiny Dancer ALL. THE.  TIME.  I love them.

Jenna Jameson and … er… you know, that guy

They look cute and though I hate cutouts, Ms. Jameson looks shockingly dressed and as always, she looks beautiful. I love the striped vested suit on her man.  They look great together though I’m a fan of the Miley Cyrus hair she’s got going on.  (No offense Miley.  I like the longer dark locks better)

Gotye and Kimbra

Um.. ok.

 

 

Sting and Trudie Styler

Rock royalty.  I love them.  I love it when dudes wear decorative scarves.  That’s hot.

 

 

What’s up with the jumpsuits? Isn’t this a formal affair?  Both of these ladies look fabulous but I personally have an unspoken rule about this being an evening gown occasion (unless you are Ellen– in which case you can just rock out in your pantsuit cuz you are awesome).

 

Rocsi Diaz

 

 

Beyonce

OH.  And for everyone ruining my patriotic loving feeling and hating on my buddy Beyonce for singing along to a backing track at the inauguration ……… she’s quite possibly the most fierce vocalist of my generation.  Here are a few videos to remind you why..

Tribute to Tina Turner

Tribute to Barbara Streisand

THE BEST NATIONAL ANTHEM EVER

 

Ok… here’s the best I can do for BEST dressed.  This term is used VERY loosely because honestly, I was NOT impressed with anyone because I don’t see any effort or it’s the same ole same ole.

 

 

4. Carrie Underwood

You are consistent.  You know what looks good on you and you roll with it.  You always look well put together.  Also, I thought the dress during your performance was super.

 

 

3.  Katy Perry

 

Meh, it looks good but you kinda look like Morticia’s preppy sister with big jugs.

 

2. LL Cool J

I love you.  You are AWESOME. Such a stud.

 

 

1.  Bonnie McKee

 

I don’t know who you are other than you a cool songwriter who writes for just about everyone. Well done.  I think this dress is COOL.  Sure it’s not exactly PRETTY or just drop dead gorgeous… but much like my #1 from last time, this dress has character and was a helluva lot more interesting than the rest of the flops we saw.  Right right?  Not to mention she wins the award for the best hair HANDS DOWN.

 

 

Next up….. OSCARS 2013!!