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2017 Oscar Fashion Review!!!

5 Mar

It’s post Oscar time on MadTimeMama.com.  Oh how I love me some Oscars.  We had a LOT of red dresses this year. Definitely a trend.  Are shoulder pads coming back?  While I didn’t feature a lot of them on this post, I did notice that there were a lot football like shoulders on the red carpet (GROSS).

My mom’s birthday is on Monday and so she and Daddy came to visit over the weekend (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!).  She did plenty of “EWs” …. Click here to experience the disgust for yourself!  Of course, my beloved J-bird also chimes in with his thoughts.

Lets hop right on in.

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

THE ABSOLUTE WORST OF THE BUNCH. 

Blanca Blanco

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’m going to go ahead and say it.  This is pretty much the ugliest dress that has appeared on my blog.  Hands down.  The imperial shoulders, the color looks like puke, the slit does not work.  Her shoes are badass though.

Mom –EEWWW!!  No words to describe. Why would someone wear something that ugly anywhere? Does she have it glued down up there? It looks funny. I don’t like it.  Those sleeves… and the leg, I don’t like that at all.

Daddy:  Sucks

Brie Larson

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I’ve never watched Ms. Larson in anything, though I’ve heard great things about her. This dress is all sorts of wrong, in my humble opinion.  The ruffles don’t do anything for the dress and is quite honestly, distracting.  It’s like she is wrapped in black toilet paper.

Mom: I’m not a ruffle fan. Those pointy boobs don’t do anything for her.  She needs teeny tiny straps… or something. It needs something.

Daddy:  Sucks.

Charlize Theron

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Ms. Theron has missed the mark on the last several awards shows.  She’s one I look forward to the most. Honestly, she has been missing the mark for several years now.  She’s had some winners, but mostly duds. This one is in the latter group.

J:  That’s a part of her next Mad Max wardrobe.

Mom: She looks like a fish out of water.  She looks like scales or something.

Daddy: Sucks.

Chrissy Tiegan

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Blagh.  Ms. Tiegan. I just don’t understand your idea of pretty things or pretty hair.   I just don’t get it.  I hate long sleeves most of the time and on this dress, it’s just doesn’t work. Not sure why you are everywhere either  …. Kind of a snooze fest, but to each their own. Enjoy the spotlight.  #notafan

I love your husband, btw.

J:  Hideous

Mom: That doesn’t do anything for me.  Why do they always have a slit cut up to their hoo-haa?

Daddy:  Sucks.

Cynthia Ervio

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

One of my favorite music mentors of all time, Frederick Kennedy, taught me a long time ago that prints are dangerous and distracting.  Never wear them for important performances or functions. I have to say I agree with that motto. A little bit of a print goes a long way.  While Ms. Ervio is undoubtedly a great talent, her dress is something that is less than to be desired.

Mom: Floral disaster.  It looks like a bedspread.

Daddy:  Sucks sucks sucks.

Dakota Johnson

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

WTF is this?  You could wear pretty much anything you want and you chose this?  Go home little girl. Get a stylist or call me for approval next time.

J:  She looks like she is really happy with this dress. Shoulder pads are coming back.

Mom:  She looks like she is dressed for the 1920s.

Daddy:  Sucks.  Dress would make a good floor cleaner.

Emma Roberts

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

First off, I love the color of her hair. I always have high hopes for Ms. Roberts.  She has all the makings to be awesome. This dress looks like it’s unfinished. I do enjoy the layered skirt, but the top is missing something… like fabric. Not attractive.

J: Bored with her, bored with the dress. Don’t care.

Mom:  That dress doesn’t look good on that girl. I don’t like that dress at all.

Dadddy:  SUCKS.

Giuliana Rancic

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

There is absolutely nothing good to say about this whole ensemble. Awful color, terrible stringy hair (take note fashion peeps – never have stringy hair at an awards show), random-cut-up sheets posing as some sort of dress, terrible color for her complexion .. don’t come back if you aren’t willing to play the game. You’re a disappointment.

J: She never fails to let us down. Dueling banjos.

Mom: She looks like she is trying to be a dead roman princess or something.

Michelle Williams

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

This makes me sad.  I love Michelle Williams.  She’s usually one of my best dressed. This dress kinda shows she’s over the whole scene. Boring all the way around.

J:  LOLOLOLOL. It’s like she doesn’t care anymore.

Daddy:  It sucks, in a plunging way.

Scarlett Johanssen

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Same thing here with ScarJo. You’re at the Oscars, not the Vanity Fair after party.  Disappointing. And kinda of telling. Scar Jo was one of the first peeps I saw when I started looking at the arrivals.  She set the tone and honestly, the whole Oscars fashion roundup was quite mellow and boring this year.  Nothing that really stood out.

J:  I hate the hair more than the dress.   Miley Cyrus is trying to act like she’s not crazy.

Mom:  Too blousy.

Daddy: The color looks like a tumor I took off a dog the other day.

Love/hate

Jessica Biel

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Things I love: Her sleek dark hair. Her make up. The shiny, glitz, glam fabric.

Thing I hate:   The color.  Not a fan of the color.

J:  Actually looks pretty good.

Mom: Egyptian.

Daddy: Sucks.

One last thing……

I AM a fan of you and your husband.  Y’all were super cute in the opening of the ceremony.  You killed it Mr. Timberlake. If y’all haven’t seen it, watch it here:

Karlie Kloss

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Things I love:  The hair (You have an old school Hollywood vibe going on), The cape (reminds me Gwynnie’s dress from 2012).

gwynnie-cape-dress

Back to Karlie ..The choker (it works, it really works… most aren’t as successful), Make up is PERFECT.

Things I hate:  The color. Use with caution.  Not a fan of bright Clorox white. I agree with Mama on this one.

J:  Now I like that one.

Mom:  Since it’s white, it doesn’t look as good.  Black or a darker color would look a LOT better.

Daddy: Modest but sexy.

Kirsten Dunst

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Things I love:  I love the bodice.  I love the jewelry.  I like the smokey eyes.

Things I hate: The scowl look. The stringy unkept hair look. And borrowing a phrase from one of my dearest pals, Ms. Evie, “I hate mullet skirts. Not a fan.”

Mom: I don’t like the dress at all.  I don’t lke the shoes, hair the dress.  Awful.

Daddy:  Sucky sucky sucky.  I like the carpet she is walking on.

Kristen Cavellieri

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Things I love: The choker, the bodice minus the pointy BOOB horns, the skirt.

Things I hate:  You didn’t hem the dress (vomit sauce and tripping hazard) and the CORAL color.  Gross.

Mom:  The color is wrong.  Those pull up things on the boobs, if they are going to have that, they need to have straps.

Daddy: Sucks.

J: She doesn’t looks right.

Leslie Mann

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I love Leslie Mann.  She’s so funny and quick with expressions.  I actually really love this dress but I hate it too.

Things I love:  The bodice, the bow, the fun skirt, the hair, the make up.

Things I hate: I hate the color. I wish it was hot pink.  But then again, I wish everything was hot pink.

Mom:  EW. Whoa!!!!!!!  NOOOOO.  UUUUHHHHHHGGGGGG-LEEEEEEE.

Daddy: it looks like mustard on a hot dog to me or 57 Studebaker.

Also, the fun skirt (which I kinda love) reminds me of of Prince Di’s dress (wrinkly and such…)  See?

 

wrinkly-di

Priyanka Chopra

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

First off, whenever Ms. Chopra is around, I can’t stop staring at her. I have a total girl crush on her. She is GORGEOUS. I love her hair, her make up.  And I love the dress.  And I really HATE it.

Things I love: I love the geometric shapes and the pearly color. I love the simple earrings and bracelets. AND she has hemmed the dress PERFECTLY.

Things I hate:  What’s up with the open mesh sides and the pointy booby edges.  This would have been perfect as a simple smooth rounded bodice at the top instead of the peak-a-boo mesh sides.

Mom: I don’t like the sides.  I’m not wild about this dress.

J: I like her hair.

SHOUT OUT TIME!

Auli’i Cravalho

aulii-cravalho-oscars

Enter a caption

Beautiful young lady. Lovely voice.  Wonderful pick for your first Oscar ceremony.

SHOUT OUT:  Way to carry on like a trooper after getting bonked on the head by the back up dancers.

Mom:  I like this dress. It looks like seashells.

Daddy:  You could use that dress to detail a car.

Busy Phillips

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

You are always so fun, Ms. Phillips.  This dress does not disappoint.  I love everything about it.  I also love your smooth hair and gorgeous earrings.

SHOUT OUT:  LOVE YOU in Vice Principals. So good.

Mom: Not wild about this dress. Not my favorite.

Daddy:  Sucks

Emma Stone:

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I have to say I was disappointed in the dress choice, however your makeup and hair look FABULOUS.

SHOUT OUT:  BIG congrats to you, ma’am, for your Best Actress win!  For all you current and future performers, take note on how to accept an award graciously:

Mom:  Ew… Ugly ugly dress.

Daddy: Really sucks.

Ginnifer Goodwin

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Ms. Goodwin, lets talk.  We need to do something about your hair. Call my stylist Haley Martin at Twisted Scissors Salon.  She can help you.  She really can. She’s the best.

I’m not going to talk about your dress.  Instead….

SHOUT OUT:  Hours before this broadcast you were told one of your former costars, Mr. Bill Paxton, had passed away.  For you to carry on and still be there, was huge and I commend you for that.  He would, like most people, want you to carry on.  That’s exactly what you did.  Kudos.

Mom:  That’s pretty rough.

Janelle Monae

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I kinda dig this gown and kinda don’t.  With that said, Ms. Monae, you are always the belle of the ball with your fashion choices because you own the moment.

SHOUT OUT:  Thank you for never being boring or simple. We need you on the red carpet every single time.

Kate McKinnon

US-OSCARS-ARRIVALS

YOU ARE PERFECTION!

SHOUT OUT: Who loves Ms. McKinnon?  I do! Love her. That’s enough for me!

Mom: That’s ok. It’s really nice.

giphy

Naomie Harris

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Ms. Moneypenny!  So glad that you are getting noticed these days. It’s about time!

SHOUT OUT:  The trailer for your nomination was a knockout.  Well deserved nomination!

J: I like it except for the slit in the middle.

Mom: I don’t like that long tail. Hate the shoes.

Shoreh Aghdashloo

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This lady.  WOW.  You should read about this lady.  She is SUCH a lady.  Beautiful.  We first saw her in 24 and have enjoyed her since then.

SHOUT OUT: For being awesome. We love you!

J:  Gorgeous woman.

THE BEST DRESSED!!!!

Felicity Jones

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Proud of you, Ms. Jones.  You have worn some stinkers for the last several red carpet events.  Good of you to pick something that didn’t completely miss the mark. I love the shoes but wish the dress was just a shade darker. It almost washes you out.  But you look adorable in it and definitely deserves to be on the best dressed.

J: I like that one.

Mom:  She looks like she is going to junior prom but it’s alright.

Dadddy:  Sucks

Halle Berry

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Unlike most people who have scoffed at the curly mop headed feature on top of her gorgeous head, I LOVE IT.  I love curly headed goodness and can definitely dig it. I love this dress. It looks like one of my kids drawings with a black crayon on wrapping paper.  Ms. Berry can make anything look good.

J:  Laughter.  What’s wrong with her?

Mom: NOPE.

Nicole Kidman

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

It’s very rare when Ms. Kidman DOES NOT hit the mark.  She is a risk taker and knows what is fashion forward. I love this dress and the detail. I also love the lipstick.  Perfect. Thank you for hemming your dress correctly.

Mom:  She looks washed out.

J: I like that one.

Mom:  Would look better in black.

Octavia Spencer

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

What a lady! I don’t normally like feathers that much, but she makes it look good! I love the top and I love the sleeves slightly below the shoulder.

Mom:  It’s ok. But I don’t like feathers.

Sara Bareilles

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

She is stunning! I love the shape of this dress, I love the color, I love the simple jewelry. She has great hair.  I just adore her.

Mom: I don’t like those pointy things above the boobs.

J:  Pretty.

Taraji P. Henson

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Sexy sexy sexy. I think Ms. Henson hits every mark with this dress.  Perfect fit, shoes, right amount of slit on the leg, boobage, shoudlers and jewelry.  She looks amazing.

J:  Uh…. No.

Mom: It’s a nice dress, but doesn’t look good on her.

Hailee Steinfield

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

This dress looks like a fairy’s cotton candy dream.  I love it.  She has really grown up in the last couple of years.  What a beauty!

Mom: It’s ok. At least the leaves cover the strategic areas.

Alicia Vikander

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I always say it.  I LOVE lace when it’s done right.  This dress looks like a mixture between Westworld and Julia Roberts’s cocktail dress in Pretty Woman. Not a bad combination.

julia-pretty-woman-cocktail

Daddy:  Maybe.

Mom. I like it better than the last dress.

Ruth Negga

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ruth Negga.  Have you seen the series, Preacher? You should.  Do it. Don’t wait. It’s awesome. She’s awesome. It’s a bowl full of awesome sauce. I love this dress for the following reasons:  It’s the perfect color for her.  It has such a romantic feel.  Oddly, I don’t mind the sleeves. I love the high neck.  I love her hair with the red drops. I love the makeup. I love the earrings. I love Ruth Negga.

ruth-negga

J: She’s an interesting actress.  I don’t know about the dress.  I like the turtleneck but I wish the top part wasn’t meshy.

And #1 spot goes to………. It’s a real shocker (NOT!)

Viola Davis

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Hands down one of my favorites ever in the world.  She is stellar! I love this dress. I love the sleeves. I love the tie back neck. I love her hair. I’m Viola’s #1 fan! Congrats on your big win! Did you all know that she first black actor to win Oscar, Emmy, and Tony for acting? Long overdue! Can’t wait to see where you go from here, Ms. Davis!

Daddy:  I like this dress.

J:  She looks good.

Mom:  AWESOME.

bill-paxton-tribute

 

It would be a shame not to mention our beloved Bill Paxton. We lost such an awesome talent last weekend. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, and should always live life as if it is our last day.  He certainly did that.  An actor with an impressive repertoire of film and tv roles, he made his performances shine and memorable. The first time I ever saw Bill Paxton in a film, he was the big brother in Weird Science.  He was PERFECT for that role. I could tell he didn’t take himself too seriously either.  It was awesome. One of my most favorite 80s flicks.

 

 

The second was Aliens and the big scene with “Game over, man!”

 

 

Then who could forget him peeing his pants as Ah-nold threatens him over the dam in True Lies.

 

 

Then came Twister.  What a great flick.  I love that movie and he made it great alongside Helen Hunt.  One of my favorite scenes:

 

 

Apollo 13 is always a favorite and he was great in that with Kevin Bacon and Tom Hanks.

 

 

 

He was so great in so many roles …. The sub Captain of U571, the villain in Vertical Limit, treasure hunter in Titantic, Morgan Earp in Tombstone … if he was in it, I would always watch it. You will be missed by so many, Mr. Paxton.  Thank you for the wonderful movies you left behind so we may continue to enjoy your enormous talent.

With mad respect,

Allye

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2017 Golden Globes Fashion Review!

4 Feb

Golden Globes 2017!!! No joke. I look forward to this show EVERY – SINGLE – Year! I want to see golden eggs and trainwrecks.  This show, the fashion was probably a little more “meh” than “wowzers.” However, there were some truly beautiful moments and some (what I am guessing) extremely expensive drapes turned into awkward gowns. One gown in particular took a cue from one of the greatest fashion icons ever, some others took cues from their Great Aunt Ida’s living room drapes.  As my dear pal Joy Noel said, “This is the year of unnecessary, hideous sleeves.”  We will see a lot of those . . .

A side note. I apologize as this is almost a month late.  When I started my Naptime Fashion Reviews back in 2012, they were just that.  I wrote them while my oldest baby slept . . . Fast forward 5 years, a move to another state, two kids later with a full time job working for absolutely some of the best people I have ever met or worked for, and I find myself short on time.  Thankfully, my readers are understanding and wonderful so I know you’ll understand my tardiness to the party . . . but never fear, as long as there are award shows, I will be ready to give my uneducated opinion on the subject.  I’ve got several guest reviewers lending their thoughts.  Let’s get started.

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

LIVING LEGENDS

Bernadette Peters

bernadette-peters

 

She is just exquisite. I adore her and I LOVE this dress with the purple accented designs.

Bonus Comments: 

J: Whooooooa mama! Yes.

Eve: It’s safe, but it’s not bad.

 

Goldie Hawn 

goldie-hawn

I love this dress.  And she looks fabulous. I love her hair, I love the sleeves.  Take note all you young Hollywood folk! If you are going to do sleeves, this is how you do it right! (I’m looking at you Mayim Bialik!)

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Stiffler’s mom.

Evie:  Everything is so boring and already done.

 

 

Angela Bassett

angela-bassett

This woman does NOT age.  She’s such a talent and ALWAYS pretty much flawless on the red carpet.

Bonus comments:

J: She is STILL a gorgeous woman. Gorgeous woman.

Phil: That accentuates her figure VERY well.

Eve: I can’t get on board with the mermaid dresses. However, she pulls it off nicely.  I like the shoulders.

 

Meryl Streep

meryl-streep

Congrats on your distinguished award, Ms. Streep! Well deserved.  I love the stained glass motif you have going on here.  Also, I think your daughter is quite talented and would LOVE to see more from her too! ❤

 

WORST DRESSED

Anna Chlumsky

anna-chlumsky

Look, I really dig Anna. I think she has got great comedic timing, and I just think she is adorable over all. However, she needs to return whatever room she stole these drapes from to make this dress. It’s not flattering.  The color is ok.   It’s almost a toga gone bad . . . like this:

star-trek-pink-toga

 

In fact, I wish she HAD worn this.  At least then it would have been interesting and I could have put you in the RISK TAKER pile. I even dig the pink. I don’t like the cut out, but because it’s Star Trek, I’ll give it a pass.

Bonus comments: 

Phil – Green toga.

J – What’s she doing with her face?

Eve: Bedsheets.

Kerry Washington

kerry-washington

Ah yes, Kerry Washington.  At least she is putting forth some effort unlike most programs she has attended.  Complete and utter trainwreck.  The only thing going for her is the color. I do like the yellow/goldish color on her. If I am being honest, the dress with the shoulders looks like a fungus that grew off of a piece of random ducktape on my kids’ floaties in my mustard algae laced pool in the summertime.  Seriously, I don’t even know what that accent on her waist is.  I zoomed in, and I got nuthin’.  Also, I’m not into see through crap (AS YOU ALL KNOW!) where it shows the underwear/bodice. Leave something to the imagination. Unless, you’re Madonna.  Then don’t. We’ve seen it all before. Because you’re Madonna. Also, I love Scandal.  I try my best to resist because it’s really not as good as it was when it started (pretty unbelievable).  But I can’t.  It’s a guilty pleasure and I am so glad to have Ms. Pope back in action.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Looks like armor in WoW.

Evie: It looks like something you would wear to a middle school dance.

Phil: Don’t lke the lipstick.

Joy Noel: Kerry Washington’s dress looks like a kid slapped duck tape on it.

Kristen Wiig

kristen-wiig

Oh boy.  Lace. I LOVE lace if done correctly.  This dress is pretty much one of the worst dresses I have seen to date.  Why do people in Hollywood insist on becoming a doily?  I can appreciate the short hair, but I really love Ms. Wiig’s hair long. Also, I hate see through crap.

Bonus Comment:

J: Good one. She’s so funny!

Monica Belucci

monica-belucci

This woman is a GORGEOUS lady. This dress is hideous.  She could have worn any color in the rainbow and it would have been better than this.  It just washes her out and makes her look sick. If the dress wasn’t overdone with all the fabric, I think I would have liked it more. Too much fabric from Aunt Ida’s living room.

 

Natalie Portman

natalie-portman

I think she’s playing off of her performance as Jackie O, and I get what she’s trying to do. She’s preggo.  I’d love for her to take a cue from fellow preggo Gal Gadot (see much later in the review) and show off that buttercup. There are several things wrong with this whole package:  1) the color is ALL sorts of wrong for her, 2) the lipstick is REALLY not a good color for her, 3) and her expression in nearly every picture at the globes makes it apparent that she just doesn’t want to be there. She almost looks confused or that this awards show is an after thought. I used to love Natalie on the red carpet. Not so much here.

Bonus Comments:

J: She’s obviously lost her mind.

Phil: Highlight the bump. Don’t hide it with that.

Ruth Negga

ruth-negga

Ms. Negga is one of my most FAVORITE actresses of the moment.  Have you seen Preacher?  Do yourself a favor and binge it. This dress is less than to be desired. I’m not a fan of zippers. I had an unfortunate incident with a zipper when I was a kid. I never will like zippers. However, I will say that Ms. Negga’s makeup is FLAWLESS.  I loved you in Warcraft and SOOOOO hope they make sequel.  Ish-noo a-lah!

Bonus Comments:

J: I don’t get this dress either.

Phil: She looks like French doors.

Sophie Turner

sophie-turner

Girl, get some clothes on.  Winter is coming.

 

Winona Ryder

winona-ryder

I actually like this dress a little. It remind me of my senior prom dress if it was strapless and not spaghetti strapped.  See?

 

allye-prom

(Shout out to the Cooleys!  I love my Cooley fam! <3)

Ms. Ryder, the issue I have with this outfit is the confidence factor.  If you are going to wear it, own it.  Put those shoulders back, take a 5-hour and show us you got this.  While I was bored with Stranger Things, I do hope you come back for Season 2.  I did appreciate your small part in in it.

Bonus Comment: 

Evie: Oh my gosh I love this.  Her hair looks so soft and flowing, the dress is classy, basic, but timeless.

Risk Takers and Trends

 

THE PALE

 

Carrie Underwood

carrie-underwood

Alrighty. Lets address the elephant in the room.  The collar of this dress does not look like a vagina.  C’mon people.  I can’t believe some people actually said that it did.  Number one, she looks gorgeous despite the busy bodice and the needless cutouts. People should be praising her for not wearing another strapless prom dress.  Thank you for hemming your dress correctly too.  Whatever you pay your seamstress, give her a bump in her salary.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: The skirt doesn’t fit with her body type. Makes her look stocky and awkward when she’s not!

Phil: She looks like a cake.

J: She looks like a mess.

Evie: It’s god awful.

Claire Foy

claire-foy

Have you all ever seen the 1980’s movie High Spirits with Steve Guttenburg and Daryl Hannah?  To make a long story short, it’s a great little movie about ghosts in an Irish castle.  Daryl Hannah plays a ghost who was murdered in the castle and she just looks all pale and dead (as she is supposed to look).  See?

daryl-hannah

 

Ms. Foy looks dead in this dress and in this picture. Between the color of the dress, her beautiful pale skin and her lighter hair, it just doesn’t jive. Congrats on your win though! I LOVVVVVEED The Crown. Watched it in one weekend.

Bonus Comments:

J: Man. Someone call 911.

Evie: I don’t like the belt or the poofy sleeves.

Emma Stone

emma-stone

Striking.  WONDERFUL color and the metallic prints are really a lovely touch. Not much more to say other than, I love you and I want to be your best friend. If only you could see that we would make GREAT buds.

 

Felicity Jones

felicity-jones

#SoGross

Bonus Comments: 

Evie: She could do so much better.

Phil: It looks like drapes.

J: She knows nobody cares about her. **sad face**

JBIRD’s BEST DRESSED

Gwendoline Christie

gwendoline-christie

Quite possibly one of my favorite actresses of the moment.  My husband loves her and is on his list (You know, “the list” wink wink). His knee jerk reaction was: “I would climb that mountain.”  She can do no wrong in our eyes. I also want to be your best friend.

Bonus Comment:

Evie:  This looks gorgeous on her.  It’s flattering on her, the color looks just like her skintone but just a shade peachier. Love it. I think it’s my favorite.

 

Gal Gadot

gal-gadot

I, for one, cannot WAIT until the Wonder Woman movie comes out.  She is perfect for that part.

Bonus Comment:

J: “I have a knee.” Gal Gadot-ver here.

 

THE PANTS

 

Evan Rachel Wood

evan-rachel-wood

I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I really really really do. I love this. It’s SO her. She reminds me of mega-risk taker Diane Keaton crossed with the glamourous Julia Roberts. Seriously, I love this whole outfit.  She is pretty awesome because she pulls it off so well. I won’t lie. I have a girl crush on her – I’ve been in love with her since True Blood. ❤

Bonus Comments:

J: What’s she so happy about?

Evie: I think it’s great that she has the courage to wear pants instead of skirts and dresses. I love her in Westworld. She’s amazing!

Kathryn Hahn

kathryn-hahn

I’ve loved this gal since she was Miguel Ferrer’s love interest on Crossing Jordan. (RIP Miguel Ferrer. Best Voice of Death ever). I like this look on her, but she needs to hem her pants and needs a different hairdo.  She’s a fun gal and honestly, she could pull off pretty much any look.

 

Octavia Spencer

octavia-spencer

 

While I love a good pant look, and I adore Navy Blue for Ms. Spencer, I wanted to see her in a gown.  She is one of my favorite actresses and I want to see her go old Hollywood style with a beautiful flowing skirt and capped sleeves . . . I can’t wait to see what she wears to the Oscars. I love her.

 

THE PRINTS

Riley Keough

riley-keough

Some might ask . . . “Who is this chick?” Well, she’s The King’s granddaughter.  That’s right, this is Lisa Marie’s kiddo.  She’s been in all sorts of things and is a budding actress.  The recent Mad Max movie is one I remember her in. Good for her. The dress is not totally unfortunate. However, it’s not something I personally would not go into the shop and say “OO! Let’s wear this broomstick-ish skirt with triangles.”  Nice effort though. It’s not boring, that’s for sure.

Bonus Comment:

J: She’ll never amount to anything.

Janelle Monae

janelle-monae

This gal gets it.  While I don’t LOVE this dress, this is what I want to see. I want to see something other than a safe little diddy.  What I do love about this dress:  The sparkles, the hair, she’s got great posture and she owns this moment.  I can’t wait to see you in Hidden Figures.  Looking forward to it. Bravo.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Prom. She’s looks like she is in shape.

Evie. It’s not boring. I just don’t like the mullet skirt.

Giuliana Rancic

giuliana-rancic

I love this.  For some reason it reminds me of The Secret Garden.  I do love it though.  Giuliana, not so much.  But it does look nice on her.

Bonus Comment:

J: Shrunken rat-face indicates inbreeding in most cultures.

 

The Metallics

Elsa Pataky

elsa-pataky

This is Thor’s wifey.  She looks amazing.  Everything except the sheer crap.  Lose it, you would have been on the best dressed list.

Bonus Comment:

Evie: I like it.

Naomie Harris

naomie-harris

Va-Vooom!  This is what you wear to an award’s show y’all. Absolutely in line with Allye’s Code of Fashion.  Hands down, Ms. Harris wins best hair.  Lovely.

Bonus Comments:

J: I think she’s had botox. Used to be prettier.

Evie:  It’s very futuristic.

 

The Plunge  

Kristen Bell

 kristen-bell

Ah yes.  One of my absolute favorites in Hollywood right now.  I love this . I love the sparkle. I love earrings, I love the hair. Is this a pansuit or a skirt? I can’t really tell. I don’t really care. I’m distracted by the sparkles… oo shiney!

 

Jessica Biel

jessica-biel

 

Someone should have lint rolled you before you got out of the car.  Something is on your skirt.

Bonus Comment:

J: That’s just stupid looking.

Phil: Is that cleavage or chest? What is that?

Kristen Cavellieri

kristin-cavellieri

YES. So much yes.  Boobs, snug fit sparkly dress and great hair.  A+.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Boobs.

J: Boobs.

BEST DRESSED

13. Chrissy Tiegan

 chrissy-tiegan

I’m not a fan of Ms. Tiegan. However, I do like that she is wearing something pretty interesting. I also like the color scheme of this whole dress and the fabric. It’s not the prettiest dress in the bunch, but it is one of the best.

 Bonus Comments: 

J: is she the boss from Serpentshrine Cavern?

E: I think this is really cool. What an interesting silhouette and fabric. Me likey!

12. Drew Barrymore

drew-barrymore

Ah, Ms. Barrymore.  I’ve ALWAYS felt she and I could be BFFs.  I love this dress. The sleeves reminds me of a Japanese fan. Ms. Barrymore always looks so well put together.  Except that one time where her boobies were flopping all over Hollywood Blvd. See?

gg13-1

 

We all can make mistakes. Some of us happen to make them on national television.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: Very Gatsby.

Phil: Fishscale.

J: Super medicated.

 

11. Lily Collins

lily-collins

Lovely.  Ms. Collins is really coming into her own with her  fashion choices.  The only thing I wish she would do is get rid of the bold red lipstick.  Maybe it’s just me, but she tends to wear that all the time.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Pluck the eyebrows.  I like the lipstick on her.  I like the dress.

Evie:  I like this one. The upper part looks like it is just magically suspended or appliquéd on her somehow.  This is GORGEOUS! I wish she had gone with a burgundy lipstick instead of red to match the dress color tone.

J: And I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

10. Nicole Kidman

nicole-kidman

YES.  This is what you wear when you are a superstar and you are married to country royalty.  YES.  So much yes.  This is like… old school Hollywood glam meets 1920s flapper with a touch of Star Trek TNG crossed with Dolly Parton from the 1980s from her Real Love album.  Pretty much all the styles and people  I adore.  I love you Ms. Kidman. This is why you get paid the big bucks.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: I could do without the straps.

J: Hey there.

9. Priyanka Chopra

priyanka-chopra

This woman is basically a living Wonder Woman. She is so gorgeous.  Seriously stunning.  I love this gold color against her dark hair (though I wish it was just a **little** more styled and not so stringy.  She’s still beautiful and the details on the dress . . . Pretty darn near perfect.

Bonus Comments:

J: I don’t think she understands what she is here for. She doesn’t understand what it is.

Evie: She hit all the major checkpoints for an event dress.  It just doesn’t work.

8. Jessica Chastain

jessica-chastain

Look at this sky blue gown with the detailed flowers. PERFECTLY hemmed. Ms. Chastain ALWAYS knows the colors that are perfect against her red locks.  I love the straps right on the shoulders and the plunging neckline with the necklace.  A+

Bonus Comments:

J: I’m not opposed to this.

Phil: She’s got a great shelf.

J: I like how the flower things are on one side.

Phil: The color compliments her.

Evie: I agree.

7. Karrueche Tran

karrueche-tran

I’ll admit it.  I have no idea who Ms. Tran is, but I love her dress and I love the color.  And it matches my newly pink hair, so she gets a mention.   And, take a look at my hair.

pink6

 

Isn’t it gorgeous? Be sure to go see Haley Martin at Twisted Scissors Salon in Hartselle, Alabama. No joke, the best hair stylist I’ve ever been to.

6. Sofia Vergara

sophia-vergara

This is a bit of a no brainer.  She is ALWAYS on my best dressed.  She knows how to kill it on the red carpet:  1) She knows what looks she can pull off 2) she wears interesting dresses that are either full of detail or of minimalist design (letting her assets compliment the dress) 3) she knows her colors.   To be honest, girl could wear a paper bag and make it look just about the sexiest thing in the world.  I love the metallic detail and the open shoulders.  Open shoulders are sooooooo sexy.  I love them.

 Bonus Comment:

Evie: I love this. Not sure what the dress is made out of but I want it. I love that she went minimal with accessories; this dress is so visually striking that anything added would be too much. Another favorite!

J: Yes, please.

5. Mandy Moore

mandy-moore

I love the plunge, I love the cape draping over her shoulders and resting as a train, I love the earrings and her hair.  The whole gown screams sophistication. Child stars take note. Follow her lead.  Boy, this lady has come along way from her Candy video.

 

giphy

 

Bonus Comment:

Phil: I like it.  Don’t like the cape.  I like the v-plunge.

J: No.

Evie: Low plunges are definitely in right now.  J-Lo neckline.

 

4. Blake Lively

blake-lively

Grecian Goddess. She looks AMAZING and she just gave birth like a couple of months ago.  Jeez! A woman’s body is so incredible. I don’t dig the pockets on this dress but I DO appreciate the vibe she is going for here and she is probably the only person in recent months to wear a primarily velour dress and pull it off like a pro. If I wore velour, it would probably end up looking straight up medieval England style:

560163910dfd58c5bb953d36ac7b99b9

 

Yea.  Why do I comment on fashion?  I don’t even know myself.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: I love this. Pockets in a dress. Perfection.  Bracelet choice is interesting. I love the train.

J: I don’t care. Forgettable.

 

3. Viola Davis

viola-davis

This woman is FIERCE. I absolutely adore Ms. Davis.  This color, the fabric, her clutch, her face, her smile, her talent…. Viola. Always one of my favorites.

 

2. Reese Witherspoon

reese-witherspoon

My fellow Tennessean! The color is just gorgeous and crisscross bodice is so fitting.  She is always so tasteful and well put together. She’s made my best dressed more than once!

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Simple and elegant.

Evie: It’s not mustard yellow like Natalie’s.

Phil: Easy to mess up a yellow.

 

AND MY #1 Best Dressed goes to…….

  1. Naomi Campbell

 

naomi-campbell

When I come into an awards show, I want to see something that is original.  Something that will stand a part from everyone else.  Naomi has that here. The color, the touch of sparkle, the one shoulder strap (with texture!) and the sexy slit … and the train.  Girl knows what works. Bravo!

Bonus Comments:

Phil: That is cool right there.  Best dress I’ve seen.

Evie: I love that the black stripes are sparkley and create kind of an optical illusion.

——————————

There you have it! What’s up next?  Grammys? Then the Oscars?  Check back here for those reviews! If you want to read back on past reviews check up in my Naptime Fashion Review section!

Thanks to my buddies Evie, Phil and Joy Noel and the love my life, Jbird,  for lending their thoughts and comments.

What did you think?  Leave a message in the comments and share on your Facebook page!

Go out and pay it forward.  Spread some love.

2016 Oscar Fashion Review!

3 Mar

My annual Oscar Fashion Review!  Holy cow, have the last several award shows been complete and utter snoozefests? I have to admit, I have been bored by the last several award ceremonies which resulted in quite possibly the world’s worst blog posts in history during that time of my life.  With that said, this will not be one of those posts. I had the distinct honor serving on a three-part panel for this year’s Academy Awards Fashion Discussion.  Along with my fearless, fashion icon of a husband, Jbird (wearing traditional safety couture with a hard hat on his head), we were joined by our delicious and gorgeous pal, Eve.  Together, we were able to separate the winners from the stinkers and the homeruns from the wonkers. With that said, lets get into it.  ENJOY!

WAH WAH WAH

Charlotte Rampling

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye: It looks like one of those mid 90s optical illusion posters that incite a migraine. “I see a 3D ship!”  Also… her periwinkle shoes.

Eve:  Those are rough.

Allye:  No doubt.

Eve:  It looks like a Sodoku puzzle.  Like the first worn Sodoku puzzle.

J: No, I think I saw her wear that on Star Trek in 1969, but there was a cotton candy wig and some acrylic jewelry involved . . .

 

Daisy Ridley

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye:  This just makes me disappointed.  It looks like a tea dress made out of foot fungus.

Eve: Just seeing her in it makes me tired. It looks SO heavy.

J: Nice! Repurposed Star Destroyer insulating wrap for the win! But, seriously, she’s new. And I’d totally do her.

 

Emily Blunt

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye: It looks like she is trying to hide her baby bump.  Be proud sista! Bump it all over Hollywood and Vine!

Eve:  It looks like a pastel version of one of my middle school show choir dresses.  What a dated silhouette for this dress.  I wore something like this in middle school and my mom made me a dress like this in black for concert choir. I loved it back then, but that was the 90s.

Allye:  Interesting.  Susie, call me.

Eve:  It’s the same silhouette.

J: Meh, I like it. Looks soft and comfy.

 

Jennifer Garner

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eve:  I didn’t even recognize her.

Allye:  I’m not feeling the sash on her right side.  I need something else. Like a totally different dress.

Eve: Her dress looks like Two Face from Batman. Like one half is straight and serious the other high is flowy and interesting.

J: I HATE Ben Affleck. Always have. Always will. She looks so over life. I hate it for her. (psst, Jenny. I can save you . . .)

 

Jennifer Jason Leigh

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye: She’s so boring I don’t even want to do her.

Phil (Eve’s husband):  I’ll do her.

Eve: Gross.

J: Dude, she’s totalling gassy right now. Look at that stance. She’s gotta be holding her breath waiting for a chance to squeak one out. Jennifer Jason Squeeeeeee!

 

Julianne Moore

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eve: Too geometric for me.

Allye: I like the S&M shoulder straps, but she mixed this up with her Grandma’s black table runner and it kinda kills it for me.

J: Nope.

 

Kelly Ripa
Entertainment: 88th Academy Awards

Eve: God her skin is amazing. IF we were juding her by skin, she would win everything.  I want her arms.

Allye: Yea, she’s got great arms. Dress looks gross though.  It’s painfully awful.

J: Looks like she’s about to fall down. #toodrumkfortehozcars –

 

Maria Menounos

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve: It looks like snakeskin – franken dresses patched together.

Allye: It looks like it is modeled after a finger print.

J: Don’t know her, but not a bad dress. Should be a dark red or plum with the line things silver.

 

 

Nancy O’Dell

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve: No. Just no. I thought we were done with velvet dresses.

Allye:  She looks like she stole her dress from a velvet elvis. She’s usually on my best dressed.  How quickly they fall. That dress just ain’t it. I actually can deal with the velvet.  The sheer see through crap and the big shoulder bling blows.

J: I don’t care. But I’m stealing “Velvet Elvis.” That should be the name of a modern-day short story set in the Louisiana swamp about a teen-age boy left on his in the world when his great uncle died last year in a boating accident. It’s almost a year later before the CPS/social worker can even find where this kid lives. He’s sixteen now and hiding out from her, because he hears she’s been around, asking questions . . .

 

Olivia Munn

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve: I actually like that one. I like that color.

Allye:  I hate it. I hate the color.

Eve: I thought we were done with the one shoulder in the early 2000s.

Allye: I think the one shoulder is nice. But Coral/Orange is NOT ok.

J: Tangerine sherbert popsicle, and not a brand name kind. Generic, Real Value. Tastes like water.

 

Olivia Wilde

 

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eve: She’s got wings.  She’s gonna fly away.

Allye: She’s got a killer back.

Eve:  Have you seen the front?

Allye: It’s got that square plunge.

Eve:  She’s free ballin’ it. Woman style.

J: Front would be nice . . . I like fronts.

 

Rooney Mara

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye:  Holes. Stupid holes.

Eve: You and keyholes.

Allye: Keyholes? That’s what it’s called.

Eve: It’s like a bad “Say Yes, to the Dress.”

Allye: She’s still going for that “I’m not interesting, but I’m so mysterious that I’m boring” personality. Rooney, you’ll never be Noomi Rapace.

J: Totally trying to copy Noomi’s blank, soulless gaze of the dead here. You nailed it with the nail her train is caught on just out of frame.

 

Sofia Vergara

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve:  There’s nothing original about it. I could go to Dillard’s and find that in the “Old Lady” wear.

Allye: Lets be honest.  Sofia is pizza. Even when she’s a stinker, she’s still kinda good. However, I’d like to see something instead of strapless sweetheart necklines.

J: Sexy pizza.

 

The Stinkers

 

Amy Poehler

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye: Nightmares of a Geisha.

Eve:  That’s Amy? I thought that was Adele.

Allye:  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

J: Lot of voice work lately . . .

 

Gianna Simone

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye:  My opera professor told me NEVER EVER EVER wear flower patterns while on the stage or red carpet.  SO TRUE. This dress is offensive.

Eve: Hey Demi Moore, what’s up?

Allye:  That’s not Demi Moore.

Eve: Everything about this is so awful.  My eyes hurt just looking at it.

J: Eh, those eyes are the devil!

 

Heidi Klum

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye:  Did she have an affair with a punk swan in a pool of tie dye ink?

Eve:  I love it. I think she looks very ethereal. It’s whimsical. It looks like she could just float around on a cloud of tulle. And I think the color is complementary.

Allye: She is floating around on a cloud of tulle. That sleeve…. Oy.

J: She got caught in the shower curtain one day and thought it looked great, so . . .

 

Kate Winslet

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye:  It looks like licorice fondue.

Eve:  Did she get dipped in black tar or varnish? It looks like a vinyl record.

J: dumb, and I think she knows it.

 

Kerry Washington

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve:  THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!!!!

Allye: “SPARTANS!  WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?”

J: Doubles as roleplay gear!

 

Margot Robbie

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eve:  This was spray painted on. And not in the good kind of way.  It looks like she was poured into that dress.

Allye:  Kinda like Mystique. Except without the boobs.

J: lame

 

BEST DRESSED Y’ALL! 

 

  1. Alicia Vikander

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye:  This dress grew on me. It looked REALLY nice on stage. I like the pillow or ballooning technique.. is that what it’s called?

Eve: Yea, this dress definitely grew on me.

Allye: Like Belle in Beauty and the Beast.

Eve:  I love the color and the way it moved.  I was little nervous bout the mullet skirt but it worked.

Allye:  YES. MULLET SKIRT.  Where can I get one of those?

J: Don’t know who she is, but doesn’t work for me. Knobby forehead, twiggy joints. Blek.

 

  1. Tina Fey

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye: She looks AMAZING.  You can’t see her hair, but man, it looked PERFECT.

Eve:  It all came together.  The color. The syle. The jewelry.  Classy all the way. Well done.

Allye:  YES.  That necklace.  YES.  YES. YES.

J: Looking good.

 

  1. Priyanka Chopra

 

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye:  God. She is a gorgeous lady.  I love this.  I love the belt and I love the choice of lip color.  I love the design.

Eve: I like the train. I was thinking at first it was too “wedding’Y.” She’s got legs for days.

Allye:  I hate sheer crap. But I love this.

J: Gorgeous.

 

  1. Reese Witherspoon

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Eve: Year of Purple.  Big theme this year.

Allye: I for one don’t mind the purple.  CORAL, I mind. GOD I hate Coral.  It is literally the vomit color of the red carpet.

Eve:  I love a good pumpkin CORAL – like orange-ish color.

Allye: Puke.  I freakin’ HATE CORAL. I think it looks like vomit after sitting on the carpet for a couple of hours.   With that said, I think Reese looks GREAT except for the weird boob cups. Don’t they look like aluminum foil boob cups?

Eve: I wish I could see it from the side. Maybe it’s supposed to be like that. Hopefully it’s intentional.

Allye:  Reese, you look almost flawless.  Fix the boob cups.

J: Never liked her.

 

 6. Jennifer Lawrence

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

 

Eve: I really love this. I really hated it at first but once I took a deeper look, I think it looks really stunning on her. It’s different. We haven’t seen anything like this on her.  I love her blonde hair too.

Allye: I love the sheer lace? Is that lace? I think it’s lace or something.  I just love it.  The last couple of dresses have looked like bridesmaid dresses.

J: Loser dress. Not buying it.

 

5. Charlize Theron

 

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye:  Not gonna lie.  I was not feeling this until I saw the necklace. I do like the color and the skirt & train.

Eve: I hated this until I saw the necklace detail and saw her wear it on stage and I changed my mind and it’s really stunning. I love the red on her. It looks gorgeous. Boobs. 

J: very nice.

 

4. Naomi Watts

 

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Allye:  She looks like the best version of a mermaid EVER.  I love the necklace and the neckline.  Gawd, I love the sequined skirt. AND THAT MAN on her arm. He’s on my list.  Let it be known, J.

Eve:  I’ve just never seen anything like it.  It’s just really cool. I love the ombre.

Allye:  Lets all be honest here.  Really, we love Liev Screiber.  End of story.

J: Cool how long they’ve been together. Always liked them both.

 

3. Lady Gaga

 

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eve:  It’s pants! It’s a dress! It’s a pants-dress! And I love it!! We are almost getting into camel toe territory, but we’re not quite there yet.  I do find this interesting.

Allye: I LOVE THIS.  I love the fabric coming out of the waist (whatever that is called).  I love the pants.  Her boobs looka bit wonkified in this but the neckline is so cool.. but.. circling back to her boobs, did they deflate?  Awesome hair.

J: Over it.

 

 2. Brie Larson

 

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye: This is why I love Oscar fashion.  This is amazing! That BELT! The hair! Who is she? Who cares. It’s great.

Eve: I think this is my favorite dress out of the whole event.  She just looks REALLY polished and the textures are cool and the neckline is creative. I don’t usually do belts on dresses but it fits. The color is stunning.

J: Don’t know her, but nice dress. Looks like she might be a good person. Looks like a real smile.

Allye: She just won Best Actress.  Congrats Brie!

 

1. Cate Blanchett

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Allye:  YES.  THIS IS OSCAR FASHION.  This is what an Oscar gown SHOULD be.  The detail, the color, the appropriateness. The train.  The jewelry.  The hair.  PERFECTION at its best.  This is it.  Young wannabe actresses take note.  If you want to make a statement on the red carpet, look up Cate Blanchet.

Eve: I do love this. This is definitely in my top two of the whole event. It’s a throw back to classic movie style. It pushes the envelope to over the top and extremely elegant on her. And that SEAFOAM green!! It’s banging!!!!! Well played!!!!!

J: She is mocking me . . . look at that face, those cheekbones. She mocks me.

Allye: On second thought young actresses of the world… lets forget about this dress… it looks like she got tangled in the foam insulation up in the attic again.  Delete this dress from your memory.

oscar-cate-blanchett2

 

Well y’all,  that’s it for this Oscar Review.  I cannot wait for the Met Gala… that’s quite possibly my favorite.  This year’s theme is: “Manus x Machina”.  This all goes down on May 2nd…. cannot wait!

As we enter the heart of the political season, I’d like to leave you with a thought in regards to the golden rule.  This is something my husband said to me while putting up a bunch of grocery carts at WalMart several weeks ago. You know when the corral is overflowing with grocery carts when they haven’t been retrieved in a while?  That was basically what we were dealing with. He was rearranging them all so they wouldn’t hit any cars including ours.  At the time I said to him, “You are such a good person.” And he said to me something that is so true.  “Nah, I’m just not an asshole.”  So I say, be like Jbird. Don’t be an asshole. Go forth my people!

2016 Golden Globes Fashion Review

11 Jan

YAY! 2016 is here and so is award season!  God I love award season. Most of the time. Tonight’s red carpet arrivals were slightly underwhelming in every department. I hope that this isn’t a trend for rest of the award show season.  With that said, I present to you this year’s Golden Globe’s review.

Here we go!

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

Blue is the New Green for Redheads

Bryce Dallas Howard

BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRINNNNNNNGGGGGG.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

 

Julianne Moore

I like her a lot.  But the weird awkward neckline makes this dress a bit uncomfortable for me.

 

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

 

At this point, I’ll ask my husband Jbird to chime in.

WTF.  REALLY PEOPLE. WTF!?

Amy Landecker

A:  She looks like she is planning for a backyard BBQ  instead of Golden Globes.  The stripes do nothing for her either.

Jbird: Heeeeeey, you see my leg??

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Caitriona Balfe

A: Looks part Underworld/part Twilight mixed with a really bad nightgown.

Jbird: An ugly doll at an ugly doll convention for the gothic losers.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Calista Flockhart

A: This chick landed Han Solo. Oy. I had a chance.

Jbird: Are those gold ducks on her dress? It’s like a gold duck dress from the Illiad. Or maybe it’s geese and it’s an homage to Zeus.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Cate Blanchett

A: Is she doing a country singer biopic that I’m not aware of? I like tassles just as much as the next southern belle, but I’m not sure what to make of this dress. It’s like it was made by a 1920s seamstress in Dolly Parton’s studio from the early 80s. Right? Now, I love me some Dolly Parton… and I mean no disrespect.  But this dress ain’t doin’ it for me.  I do like her hair though.

Jbird: I feel sorry for her.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Giuliana Rancic

A:  Why is she still allowed on tv? And cut-outs Giuliana? Really? Haven’t we talked about this?

Jbird: Ralph.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Heidi Klum

A: Boring feather duster with weird cleavage please stand up.

Jbird: Heidi Klueless.

CA: 73rd Golden Globe Awards Arrivals

Louise Roe

A: You know those silver blankets that you see people put around people that are in shock after an accident?  That’s what this dress is made of.

Jbird:  “She’s like in the middle of an awkward junior high prom dance move and it’s 1989.”

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 10 Jan 2016

A: This dress almost has a retro feel to it, but she can’t really pull it off.

Jbird: I can’t see the dress because her face is in the way. Make it stop.

(My husband is not a fan…….. can you tell?)

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Maril Davis

A: Turn around, walk off the red carpet and hire a stylist whoever you are.

Jbird: Oh it’s that guy from that hair band. Didn’t they break up?

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Natalie Dormer

A: Why does she always look like she is ready to eat the camera?

Jbird: She looks like she is on some bad acid right now.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

 

Wiz Khalifa

A: I know that looking laid back is kind of your thing Wiz, but this is the Golden Globes.  Get some socks, tighten up your tie, take off the glasses and act like somebody. Don’t show up to an awards show looking like you rolled out of bed. This isn’t MTV.

Jbird: Somebody get this man outta here.

 

 

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 10 Jan 2016

The Others

Carly Chaikin

A: Trying out for Little Mermaid?

Jbird: I’ve been sent here from Atlantis.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Judith Light

A: Why does anyone think it’s glamorous to where a pantsuit to an award show?

Jbird: She’s so cool.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Olivia Palermo

A: She looks like she wrapped herself in a flag.

Jbird: The Italian flag perhaps?

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Eva Longoria

Jbird: Hip Spangles meet Duck Face.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Eva Green

Jbird: Ewwww, look at me. I’m so droll. Look at me in my droll dress being so fabulously droll. I’m totally drolling this party. I’m a party droll.  Meahherh..

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Living Legends

Bernadette Peters

A: Love me some Bernadette Peters.

Jbird: Man I’ve always had a thing for bernadette peters.  Fine wine.  “rowr.”

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Helen Mirren

A: LOVE Helen in pretty much anything she wears.

Jbird: Classy.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 10 Jan 2016

Jamie Lee Curtis

A: I love JLC.  However,  I have issues with her stylist.

Jbird: She looks like she is shrinking.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Lily Tomlin

A: Love Lily.  With that said, you know those choir dresses from college (Tech Chorale peeps.. ya feel me?) … enough said.

Jbird: Tablecloth

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Patrick Stewart

A: So hot. Still on my list. Along with Tom Selleck and Chris Pine.

Jbird: Good day, sir. Snazzy.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Sure Bet.

Amy Adams

A:  FINALLY.  Something other than a strapless gown.  This is What I am talking about. If it wasn’t coral, you would be on my best dressed.  Alas, you can’t be perfect.

Jbird: It’s a nice color for her.  Traditional looking.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Angela Bassett

A: She. Does. Not. Age.

Jbird: Man, she’s gorgeous.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

 

 

J-LO

A: I love my J-Lo. I love this dress.  Not crazy about the mustard yellow, but I do love this dress and the cape! So old school!

Jbird: She’s smoking hot but not crazy about the color.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Uzo Aduba

A:  LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Jbird: GOD YES. I NEED MORE UZO!

(We love Uzo.. can you tell!?)

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

 

BEST DRESSED!!!!!!

**Disclaimer** While these are the best dressed of the night, these are mediocre efforts at best. I’d suggest most of you should fire your stylist and hire someone else. It’s obvious your present one wants to destroy you.

Jaimie Alexander

A: I love this woman. She always wears the most interesting dresses. I love the plunging neckline, I love the color and the fabric.  Hate the pockets. I hate pockets in gowns. Lose the pockets.

Jbird: OHHH BABY.  Beautiful.  “snarl.”

US-ENTERTAINMENT-GOLDEN-GLOBE-ARRIVALS

Viola Davis

A:  SUCH a lady.  This dress looks wonderful on her, but it ages her.

Jbird: Man, there’s a lot going on in that dress. I like her.  But man.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Lavergne Cox

A: I like it more than most of the dresses this evening. She’s got her style down.

Jbird: It’s ok.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Maria Menounos

A: No surprise here. She is always on my best dressed.  She knows what’s what.  I love the hair and the boobs and the shoulder straps. All looks great.  The color is super boring though.

Jbird: Yea. Whatever.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Queen Latifah

A: She is always one of my favorites to watch. I love the color and I love the neckline.  Great package all around.

Jbird: She’s improved with age.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Kate Winslet

A: I love Kate.  I love the neck and the open shoulders.  I love the color too. Wonderful color for you.

Jbird: Nah … .not into it.

Kate Winslet

 

Meh.  Lackluster at best.  I TRULY hope that the traffic cone chick at last year’s Grammys comes back with a dress made out of plastic bags or something.  I’m gonna need something like that to get me through this award season.   Speaking of, if you are going to the Grammys this year (Hint hint Chris), I totally need a run down on a behind the scenes.

With all the comments said, we all know that the Grammys/Oscars/Met Ball are the real humdingers in this fashion world we live in.  Upward and onward!

Speaking of Oscars.. I will have a very special guest blogging with me on on the Oscars. My pal Eve!  It will be a hoot. Can’t wait!

Stay tuned ya’ll! More to come before 2016 award season is closed out!

2015 Met Gala Fashion Review!!!!!!

5 May

It’s perfect that our pals are here visiting for two weeks.  We took the time to create this little review for all of you. I’ve always wanted to do a review of the Annual Met Gala.  Therefore… I present to you without much fanfare or fluff from the nitty gritty dirt gang with their unwanted, raw, real, fabulous opinions on today’s most forward fashion.

Presented to you in alphabetical order….

Amal Clooney

Amal Clooney

Allye: I like her, but it reminds me of a blood clot.

Marie: I liked it at first until you said it looked like a blood clot.

Allye: Sorry.

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried

J: she looks like one of your cats Marie.

Ree Ree: I usually like her.

Mr. Jim: she looks like a sleeveless princess lea if you cut off her buns.

Consensus: She definitely looks like a weasel.

Anna Wintour

Anna Wintour

J: No moving on.

Anna Wood

Anna Wood

Marie: This looks old, like you would wear in the 90s. Like a dress my mom would let me wear to church

J: 90s is old?

Marie: Well you know what I mean.

J: She thinks she looks really good in this dress.

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway

J: she looks like a shampoo bottle. And she’s just as interesting. She looks like she is from Planet V05 in the Vidal Sassoon System.

Marie: I don’t like it.

Beyonce

Beyonce 2Beyonce

J: Someone get the tranq gun. That net’s not gonna slow her down.

Marie: B can do no wrong in my book.

Allye: I think she looks great!

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne

Marie: Ew.

J: are those tattoos real? If so, sorry. They aren’t working.

Cher

Cher

Allye:Morticia anyone?

J: she’s old as shit.

Marie: Looks like drapes.

Chloe Moretz

Chloe Moretz

Marie: nobody wears chokers anymore. So 90s.

Allye: Um. I grew up in the 90s.

Chole Sevigny

Chloe Sevingy

J: she looks dirty. Her look almost says “pee on me a little bit, I don’t mind.”

Marie: Nasty. Very trashy.

Dianna Agron

Dianna Agron

Marie: I like that. But I don’t understand the crane.

J: the crane is a weird touch.

Marie: she looks classy though.

Allye: I hate cranes.

Elizabeth Banks

Elizabeth Banks

M: she’s trying to look like pink.

J: That guy? Makes her skin look orange.

Mr. Jim: looks like someone chopped up her snuggy.

Grimes

Grimes

J: looks like that Beiber kid.

Hailee Steinfeld

Hailee Steinfeld

J: Nice dress

Marie: Plain but I like it.

Helen Mirren

Helen Mirren

Allye: Classy broad

Marie: Classy.

J: She’s so hot. Nice jugglies.

Irina Shayk

Irina Shayk

Marie: Looks like a sky dancer

Ivanka Trump

Ivanka Trump

Marie: I like that. I like the color. She look slike royalty.

J: Someone should tell her about that toilet paper sticking out of her dress. That’s embarrassing.

Jennifer Connelly

Jennifer Connelly

J: Nice.

Marie: I would like it better if it didn’t have shoulder pads.

J: If it just had a collar that cut away but still had a sleeves, it would be great. I like her.

Mr. Jim: It looks like my Grandma’s couch.

J: And, her husband is beautiful. Quite the Vision.

Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence

J: are those penguins on her top? If so, LOVE IT .

Marie: I don’t like that.

Donnatella Versace and J-Lo

Jennifer Lopez Jennifer Lopez2

J: Somebody help us! Our plane crashed in the desert and we’ve been walking for days.

Marie: I like the cut of the dress but I don’t like the styling.

Allye: If I had her butt, I’d wear this too.

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale

J: hell yea.

Marie: she lookslike a statue.

Allye: I love her.

Kate Mara

Kate Mara

Marie: She looks ill.

J: Awe, she looks sad and lost. Someone help this poor woman. What’s wrong with her knee? I looks weird.

Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes2

Allye: it looks like ebola under a microscope. I dig the bob though.

Marie: I like the color and the cut out in the back but it looks like Suri drew the clouds at the bottom.

J: it looks like Zatons

Katy Perry

Katy Perry

J: whoa. My eyes!

Marie: Graffiti

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner

J: that’s nice.

Marie: I don’t like the side boob.

Allye: I like the side boob.

Marie: I love side boob too, just no the netting.

Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington

Marie: Ew! Just Ew!

Allye: Moldy cotton candy.

Marie: Cupcake.

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

Marie: Kanye’s starring at her ass.

Allye: Wouldn’t you?

J: is she pregnant again? Kanye’s skirt looks good.

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga

Marie: she looks like some kind of empress.

Allye: of the the netherworld.

J: Lady Gaga’s got her evil on.

Marie: looks like she is wearing a chain link fence.

Lizzy Caplan

Lizzy Caplan

J: I like how all the wrinkles go towards the same hip.

Marie: That’s called ruching.

J: I like it.

Marie: she looks like a greek goddess.

MIley Cyrus:

Miley Cyrus

Marie: Whoa, that doesn’t even look like her. Those are some strange cutouts.

J: when did she die?

Marie: I like her contouring on her face.

Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde

Marie: it looks like something a five year old would wear….. eesh, and I like her.

J: She’s hot but she looks like an alien that knows a secret and that secret is that we’re all gonna die.

Allye: well that’s because that’s the character she played in Cowboys and Aliens.

J: Oh. Well that was a good role for her.

Rachel Weisz

Rachel Weisz

J: my future exwife. My beauty.

Marie: I think she looks lovely.

Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon

Marie: She knows what looks good on her.

J: yea Girl. On a side note, what’s with all the red tonight blending in with the red carpet? She does look good in that dress though.

Mr. Jim: I’d spoon with her.

Rhianna:

Rhianna Rhianna2

J: Whoa. That’s a lot of puke.

Marie: I like her hair. She looks like an Egyptian goddess. That is so pizza.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker

J: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

Marie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

J: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Marie: Even the designer is rolling his eyes. She looks like she is trying to be Katniss. Girl on Fire.

Solange

Solange

J: See my peacock?

Marie: It’s the Deathstar.

J: I feel like she’s pointing an ass of a peacock at the camera.

Uma Thurman

Uma Thurman

J: Roar.

Marie: Classy.

Allye: Agreed.

Zendaya

Zendaya

Marie: She looks like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderalnd.

J: Did she make that dress herself?

2015 Grammy Awards Naptime Fashion Review!

15 Feb

Grammy’s 2015 Fashion Review

I have a special treat for all of you. This past week, my Dad was going to have a hip replacement. So we had a lot of time on our hands to wait at the hospital. So I decided I was going to have some “guest” commentators on my fashion review from two of the most opinionated women on the plant. My mother and sister. Originally with this concept, I was planning for all three of us to comment on the dresses as I showed them. However, it became apparent that my comments were not needed and were just fluff or filler compared to theirs.  The Grammy’s have really gone downhill since the days of J-Lo’s “the dress” days.

Additionally, my mom has a very distinct way of saying “Ew” when she doesn’t like something…. It’s time to share that sound with the internet. Therefore, to enhance your experience and to get the full effect of her distaste, click here and press play.

I’m very pleased to present to you VERBATIM the comments that were said.

M=Mom

T= Tobe

A= Allye

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

Here we go…. In alphabetical order:

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick

M: Plain jane but daring as a tux without a shirt. I like it but I don’t think I’d wear it. (and she totally wouldn’t). I think she needs a shirt under it because she has no boobs.
T: I like her hair. Too many rings. Pointy shoes are tasteful.

A: I like it as is.

Annie Lennox

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Very classy dress. I’d wear it.

T: It’s beautiful. But needs a little bedazzlement. She needs more color because she is washed out.

A: Needs nothing. She’s perfect just as she is. Go Annie!

Ariana Grande

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: It’s….. different. There’s those old pointy shoes again. They are just plain ugly. And they look uncomfortable. I don’t particularly like that dress. Do you like it Tobe?

T: It looks good on her. She’s got the bedazzlement.

A: She sucks.

Ashanti

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: She looks like a tacky person. It’s not even attractive. Why in the world would she wear this out in public? UGH.

T: No.

A: I don’t like the cutout neckline crap. I agree with Mama. Tacky broad. Tacky boobs.

Beyonce:

Beyonce

M: Why do they have to show their front end? IT doesn’t do anything for me. Lets put it this way, I’m glad I don’t have to wear it.

T: I wish I had a body so I could show off the dress like she can. I don’t care for the hair though.

A: I like it except for the see through crap. It almost looks like a weird fishing net used as a dress from the movie “The Cell.”

Bonnie McKee

Bonnie McKee

T: I like the color. The sideview is tasteful and covers everything.

M: It is tasteful. …. It covers everything that we know of.

A: Meh. If I had her body I’d wear it regardless if it covered everything.   Nicely done. It’s no wonder you made my list again. You were number one a couple of years ago if I remember correctly.

Brandy Clark

Brandy Clark

T: It’s got glitter and she’s not showing anything. Her hair is nicely done. She’s got a tasteful dress covering all aspects. But hey, it’s got glitter.

M: It is tasteful- covering everything but the arms.

A: Geez. What do you want them to wear? A judge’s robe? Pretty dress. Not for me though. By the way, who is this chick?

Charli XCX

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Who in the world is that? I don’t know any of these people?

T: Yuck. But the shoes are pink I like them.

A: No way. Crap.

Chrissy Tiegen

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

T: I take it she is not wearing underwear.

M: I take it she isn’t.

A: I think Chrissy is overrated.

Ciara

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: It’s feathery looking. Does she have a creature on her shoulder? Is that a raccoon? Ostrich?

T: it’s layers of tulle I think. It’s just the sheen from the fabric mom.

M: Oh. I thought it was a creature.

A: Vomit Sauce.

Courtney Reed

57th Annual Grammy Awards - Arrivals

M: Oo what’s that? Well, it’s ok.

T: I like the color of her lipstick.

M: it’s not very pretty but it’s ok. That’s all I have to say about that.

A: CRAP. See through CRAP. I hate SEE THROUGH CRAP.

Gina Rodriguez

Gina Rodriguez

T: That is not attractive.

M: It looks like a towel with trim.

T: Yea a dishtowel with a really tacky teal color.

M: yea I hate teal.

T: We’re so abrasive aren’t we?

A: Yes. You are.

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic

T: She’s tough cuz she beat breast cancer. I don’t like the outfit.

M: It’s ok.

A: Eat something.

Gwen Stefani

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: She looks like she is wearing a hat on her dress. Doesn’t it look like a hat? Oh it’s not a dress, it’s pants.

T: I’m reminded of the clown outfits of the 90s.

A: I’m not a fan of pants at awards shows.

Gweneth Paltrow

gwyneth-paltrow-290

M: I don’t like her shoes. It would have looked better long.

T: Ditto.

A: Meh, it’s alright. Too short. Act your age.

Iggy Azalea

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: No.

T: I can’t say I like anything about about this dress.

Jane Fonda

Jane Fonda

M: OH GOD. The green hornet. Doesn’t she look horrible!!?!?!?

T: Uh, yea. I got nothing.

M: That is Hideous. (then again under her breath… hideous)

Jennifer Hudson

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Awe! That’s nice.

T: Beautiful.

Jenny Lewis

Jenny Lewis

M: Rainbow kid!

T: Nice Boots!

Jessie J

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: I think it’s pretty if it wasn’t sheer. I don’t want to see nudeness underneath.

Joy Villa  — WHO IS THIS CHICK?? 

joy-villa-435

M: Well. That is just disgusting. That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Oh my! She is showing everything!

T: Did she get caught up at the construction site?

M: What possessed her to wear that?

T: Did she call Lady Gaga for tips?

M: That is just gross. Ugggggghh.

M: That isn’t even pretty.

T: Is she wearing pasties?

A: I don’t even know who this is.

Kat Graham

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Now this is sort of attractive. Even if she looks like a peacock.

T: I wouldn’t have worn white shoes with this. I would have worn black or nude.

Katherine McPhee

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Now that’s pretty. I like it. It’s not so gawdy that it’s offensive to look at. If it doesn’t show her crack, it’s ok.

T: Is that Electrical tape across her boobs? I do like the color though. Delicate.

Katy Perry

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: That’s sort of gross looking. NO. Don’t you think it’s gross looking? YOU can see everything she’s got. Twat, boobs. She’s got a nice body.

T: I don’t like that you can see her bra.

M: Well she’s not wearing a bra. She’s not even wearing panties. She’s naked as a J-Bird under there.

Kelly Osbourne

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

T: I’m just saying right now. Ick! Is this what outer space looks like?

M: It’s ok. It doesn’t appeal to me.

Keltie Knight

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: It looks like a suit of armour.

T: It looks like mercury. If she meets up with Thor I’ll gladly take her place.

Kim Kardashian

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Is she wearing a house coat? A house coat with shoulder pads.

T: J-Lo can definitely fit into her dress better than Kimmie.

Lady Gaga

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: eewww. Those boobs look peculiar.

T: I like her hair and her shoes. That’s about it.

M: I don’t like her boobs.  She’s not very sexy.

T: She’s not doing the “Angelina leg” properly.

Madonna

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: I think that’s ugly. And it’s definitely an ugly corset.

T: I like the corset but absolutely nothing else about her outfit. She looks like she walked off the Wild Wild West movie with Will Smith.

A:   One of my favorite peeps said about Madonna, “You know?  I used to love to see Madonna take her clothes off. Now I just want to get a sandwich.”  Well said, sir.

 

Mary J. Blige

Mary J. Blige

M: That’s pretty. Real pretty. Especially compared to a lot of the other dresses.

T: Complimentary.

Meghan Trainor

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Oh. NO. Do you think that’s pretty? I don’t think it’s pretty at all. Is that the front side? That looks like her butt crack right there. It looks like her head has been turned around backwards.

T: Sheer see through crap is gross. I agree with my beautiful, fantastic, perfect little sister. She is the most wonderful human being on this planet. Amen.

Melissa Rivers

57th Annual Grammy Awards - Arrivals

M: It’s not bad but I don’t like those wide bottom pants. I have never liked bell bottoms and I think they SUCK.   She looks like a sailor.

T: I love Joan therefore I know she chose this and with love from her Mama.

A: I agree with my beautiful, perfect OLDER sister.

T: Butthead.

Miley Cyrus

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: She looks anorexic and I don’t like the dress. If she was going for the sexy look, she missed. It’s a good thing she wasn’t wearing underwear.

A: Mom, I don’t think Miley wears underwear.

M: Who is this?

A: Miley Cyrus.

M: I don’t like her daddy and I don’t like her.

T: I miss the innocent Miley Cyrus.

M: and I don’t know who her mother is.

A: Cuz that matters, mom?

Miranda Lambert

Miranda Lambert

M: I don’t like the splash of color. It would have been a pretty black dress otherwise.

T: Ditto.

Nancy O’Dell

57th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

M:  That’s another pantyless dress.

T: I think it’s tasteful. I think the slit is good enough and has nice legs to show off. Not a fan of the hair or the earrings.

M: I don’t like it all. It would have to be completely black and not see through.

T: It isn’t see through.

M: it is too! That’s skin underneath. Her hair sucked too.

T: I have nothing else to say about that.

Nicki Minaj

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Too much in every department and ugly to boot. Fake boobs. Those are totally fake boobs.

T: Is she wearing anything underneath? I guess that’s the metallic color. It’s ok.

M: Nuh uh. Ugly.

T: Like the bracelets.

 

Paris Hilton

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: At least she is covering up the strategic areas. I don’t particularly care for it.

T: I got nothing.

Pauley Perette

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: I like whatever Pauley wears.

T: Love everything. Except the fact that she is hiding her spider tattoo.

Rhianna

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: Oh no. Explosion. Looks like pepto bismal on steroids.

T: At least she is covered up this time. Ain’t nobody wanna see that business.

Rita Ora

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: It’s pretty. That blonde hair washes her out. Needs something darker but it’s pretty.

T: Reminds me of the original Matrix movie.

Taylor Swift

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

M: I don’t know why she is wearing pink shoes with that.

A: I think it looks cute.

M: I think it’s alright.

T: I think it doesn’t matter what she wears. I can’t comment negatively on her because I’m a SwiftHead.

Toni Braxton

Toni Braxton

M: Looks like a wedding dress with boobs.

T: I like what I can see of it.

Zendaya

Zendaya

M: The shoes do not go with that dress

T: I think she is pretty other than the shoes.

M: I’m not a fan of the dress.

——–

So there you have it.  A to Z.  It was nice to pass the time in the hospital with my Sister and Mother commenting on my blog.  If you ever get a chance to watch the Miss America pageant with my mother, do it.  It will be one of the most awesome experiences of your life.  Ew!

Till the next review…….. xoxo!

2015 Golden Globes Fashion Review!

15 Jan

You know, award season is just about the only time that I regret not having cable. I really do enjoy watching award shows. Meh, I can watch the important parts off the net but sometimes I wish I had the whole she-bang to knock out in like three hours while folding clothes or writing this gem of fashion literature. What did ya’ll think about Tina and Amy’s opening monologue? They killed it. If you missed it, here it is:

Here are some highlights about what I saw on the red carpet Sunday night:

  • Peeps brought their A-game to the show
  • Stunning colors all around
  • Drapes are all the rage
  • Lots of fashion risks that didn’t pay off

Lets dive in and get going. We have a long blog ahead of us and it’s gonna be a doozy. Don’t forget to put the coffee pot on. I’d hate for you to nod off in the middle of a snarky comment.

#TheDrapeCouture

Amanda Peet

Amanda Peet

You know, if I remember correctly, this style was pretty popular back in the 80s. I hate it. It looks like a bunch of sheets just hanging off two oil filters.

Kristen Wiig

NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Is this gown a joke? A big, slouchy joke? Speaking of slouch, you are starting to get Gwyneth Paltrow’s posture. Throw those shoulders back and be proud of the funny lady that you are . . . but lose the dress.

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey

This chick annoys me.

Maura Tierney

Maura Tierney

#OnGuard!

Allison Janney

Allison Janney

How quickly they fall. From my number one pedestal to THIS. **sigh** It’s ok. I still love you in pretty much anything you have ever been in. So it all evens out in the end. By the way, you should totally buy that dress you wore to the People’s Choice Award in every color and wear them every where.

Jemima Kirke

NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Have you ever seen that awesome movie from the 80s called BeastMaster? Rip Torn STILL gives me nightmares throwing toddlers into a pit of fire. Super weird. If you have, then you would probably remember those monsters that pop up and spread their veiny wings and wrap them around the enemy in front of them. They jiggle them and after they are done a bunch of goo and bones fall out of their embrace. Yea, that’s this dress. Here’s a picture of those monsters for comparision:

BeastMaster Monster

I know…. Right??????

#IJustDon’tGetIt

Taryn Manning

Taryn Manning

Does this look like aluminum foil colored with a permanent marker? Thought so.

Patricia Arquette

Patricia Arquette

This dress would be great without the obnoxious bow. Congrats on your win though! You are one of my favorites and any awards you get are LONG over due. For the record, here is my all time favorite moment in Medium:

Michelle Monaghan

Michelle Monaghan

Super boring dress and the camera totally caught a weird expression. “ Hate it when that happens.

Emily Blunt

Emily Blunt

I love you. I really really really love you. Hate the cut out. Other wise this would be a decent dress. I just don’t get it.

#NoLoveForTheBoobies

Rosemund Pike

Rosamund Pike

I actually feel sorry for your boobs in this dress. Knowing that you juat gave birth like a month ago and here you are looking flawless with your makeup and hair, I know you MUST be so excited to get out of the house. However… your poor boobies are unsupported and just left hanging. That can’t feel good. This dress wasn’t a good choice, and you know it.

Sienna Miller

72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsI’m just not into these dresses that absolutely hang without any purpose. Also, the boobies look a little wonky… like two tiny wilted peaches screaming for attention.

#NoSparklyScarfCanSaveThisFrock

Melissa McCarthy

Melissa McCarthy

You have been on such a roll these last few awards shows. Now, you show up in this. Back to the drawing board.

Modest Mouse Award

Felicity Jones

Felicity Jones

What a completely respectable gown. The color is a little meh … but not completely upsetting or irritating to the eye.

Most Improved

Anna Faris

Anna Faris

Thank GOD. That last number you wore was atrocious. Love the color.

Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum

It’s a little pageant like, but you know what? You look great. I love the hair, the color and the makeup. Congrats!

Lena Dunham 

Lena Dunham

You know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You look in the mirror and see a beautiful red gem of a ballgown. I see a red satin comforter that you cut arms into and shaped it like the liberty bell. Still better than all the gowns you’ve worn before. Pretty smile though!

#FuhGetAboutIt! 

Kiera Knightly

Kiera Knightly

“‘Ello, my name is Kiera Knightly. I love to wear coffee filters on top of me dress that’s made of me butterfly sheets. I’m so pretty!”

In comparison the collar of this dress reminds me of this lady who purposefully took pictures in airplane laboratories finding all the different ways to turn napkins and toilet paper into outfits…Flemish style. Hilarious. See?

IMG_4794-lores

For more laughs.. check out the whole collection here. I love stuff like this.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler 

Tina Fey, Amy Poehler

Tina, what is this? It looks like a dress from the Tweedle Dee collection. And Amy? Ew. Both of your opening monologue dresses were way better. Regardless, I ❤ you!

Claire Danes

Claire Danes

WTF is this!?!?!

#ExceptionToTheRule

Emma Stone

Emma Stone

I love this outfit. I think this is so EMMA. Glamorous and edgy. She looks great and it looks great on the red carpet. This is how you pull off a novelty outfit. Flawless. Congrats on your Oscar nomination EMMA!!!!!!!!!!

Timeless Beauties

Amy Adams and Diane Krueger

Amy AdamsDiane Krueger

Both of these ladies just scream old school ALL the time. Tasteful, classic and beautiful.

Camilla Alves

Camilla Alves

Mrs. Mac is always impressive and so comfortable in her own skin. She runs circles as a “plus 1” around a lot of the people who are actually here for an award!

Cindy Crawford

Cindy Crawford

One thing I like about you, is the fact that you dress perfectly for your body and for your age (unlike Heidi Klum… most of of the time). That’s why you are the original super model and always will be the BEST super model.

Honorable Mention

Laura Prepon

Laura Prepon

I love this. What a creative dress. It looks amazing on you and against your raven hair. Love it.

Gina Rodriguez

Gina Rodriguez

Interesting selection—and it looks gorgeous on you! I’m not into the bottom half that much, however, it is unique and you pull it off pretty well. Lovely hair and congrats on your win!!!

Allison Williams

Allison Williams

I love this dress. Super gorgeous. I’m not into you or the weird head cocked to the side though. Keep your stylist though.

Kate Beckinsale

Katie Beckinsale

Love this woman. Isn’t she so beautiful? Love this color too!
Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington

1)WTF is up with your shoes lady? Uhh… no matchy matchy or even cleverly mismatched. It looks like you walked out of the house without any shoes and those were the first you could find. 2) Your hair is a mess. Wear your hair like you do when you are portraying Olivia Pope… c’mon! It is a GOOD LOOK!!!! 3) Cute dress and completely respectable decision.

Best Dressed

 

Here it is ya’ll! SO many to get through. I’m having a hard time choosing my order. Ok… here it goes….

Greer Grammar 

Greer Grammar

Ms. Golden Globe! You did us proud! Absolutely beautiful! I love this champagne color that people are wearing. It is so delicate and fresh!

Jenna Dewan Tatum

Jenna Dewan Tatum

If a picture was needed for the term “exotic beauty,” Mrs. Tatum would be perfect. I love this yellow with her skin tone and her hair color. I love the lip color too!

Uzo Aduba

Uzo Aduba

I love this on you! I love the neck and the exposed shoulders. Gorgeous!

Julia Louis Dreyfus

Julia Louis Dreyfus

Elaine always knows what to wear! She knows what looks good on her and she knows how to take that look and make it her own.

Kate Mara

Kate Mara

YES! Finally. Several reasons I am excited about your look. 1) YOU ARE SMILING. Holy moly, smile more often lady! 2) I love that you aren’t playing the “I’m so mysterious in ways you can’t possibly understand” chick on the red carpet tonight —that gets old 3) I love your hair! The color and the style. 4) I love this dress. Here’s why. I love the neck line. Gorgeous and so feminine! The belt long with the ruffles on the torso are a nice touch. 5) The COLOR. Red is your color Kate! Wear it all the time. Please. Awesome look.

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick

What a lady! I love Anna. She has come a long way since her Twilight days. I’m so excited for her and her recent roles! Back to the dress—how charming! This dress has a beautiful color contrast between the background color and the design. I love that her hair is pulled back and not distracting from the dress at all. Nice choice all around.

Lupita N’yongo

Lupita Nyongo

She is probably one of the most pliable celebrities on the red carpet. She can literally rock ANY kind of look. On the hanger I probably wouldn’t give this dress a second look. It would literally scare me with ruffles at the top. However, stick Lupita in it and it is stunning! You are such a beauty. You ruled my Best Dressed last season. It’s no surprise you are back on it this season!

Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon

Just like Julia Louis Dreyfus, Reese knows exactly what will make her shine on the red carpet. So in touch with what is what. She rarely has a misstep. She looks so statuesque!

Helen Mirren

Helen Mirren

What a lady! I love the beaded detail along the neckline. The color is exquisite and you looking frickin’ fantastic!

Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts

Such a movie star! I love the color, belt detail and necklace! I’m loving all these dresses that give off an old Hollywood vibe. That is what I want at these awards shows! These peeps are really bringing their A-Game!

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Anniston

Beautiful look for her. I love the sequined top with the fitted waist and high slit skirt. I feel bad for her getting snubbed on the Oscar Nominations.

…………………….TOP TEN……………………………

 

  1. Viola Davis

Viola Davis

Spot on. Great color, great hair, well made and complimentary. Love the whole package.

  1. Amal Alamuddin

Amal-Alamuddin

I love her. She’s beautiful. I love the gloves and her clutch. I love the scarf thingy however I found it HILARIOUS to see people trip all over it while she was walking down the carpet. Heckuva way to be introduced to Hollywood society. Strut strut..ugh I’m getting choked… strut strut. George Clooney’s acceptance speech was so sweet. What a lucky girl!

  1. Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain

I love this dress. Isn’t she just gorgeous? She does redheaded gals proud! I love the deep cleavage. The whole dress is sexy and so freakin’ tasteful. I love the color!! And her hair! She’s got some Bumble and Bumble going on. Also, I think it may be possible that she was a mermaid in a former life. Just a feeling I have.

  1. Leslie Mann

Leslie Mann

Leslie is always a plus one at these award shows and like Camilla Alves, she is always STUNNING in her wardrobe choices. I love this dress. She’s got the body to rock it—and I love the contrast of the dress against the green earrings and green/gold clutch. BEAUTIFUL!

  1. Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

She looks like a billion dollars (probably because she’s a billionaire). Is it just me or is a belt accessorizing trend starting to form? Either way, I am loving it! I love the texture of this dress. Of course she always looks amazing. She’s very dependable on the red carpet.

  1. Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne

I could be your best friend. I LOVE the way you absolutely own the red carpet. This dress is delicious! You look like a QUEEN in this gown. How absolutely gorgeous! The navy blue is so regal. Excellent choice! How long until the purple hair contract is up? I bet you are counting down the days!

  1. Emmanuelle Chirqui

Emmanuelle Chirqui

So shiny! So sparkly! Fits you like a glove. Excellent shoe and makeup choice. If I could I would wear this dress ALL DAY EVERY DAY as I take care of two toddlers under 4 and work from home at the same time…. not in heels.

  1. Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

A lot of people people have been giving J-Lo a lot of grief over this dress. I love it. It’s fresh and it’s not boring (J-Lo hardly ever is). She has got a banging body and she knows how to accentuate every inch of it. I love it. I love the cape and how relatively modest it is compared to a lot of previous dresses and it is STILL sexy and tasteful. Her hair is fantastic. Love it. A+

  1. Kate Hudson

Kate Hudson

WOW! The dress speaks for itself.

  1. Taylor Schilling

Taylor Schilling

I absolutely hands down adore this dress!!! It is gorgeous. Amazingly enough it’s got a cut out in it— so that might seem hypocritical of me— but it makes sense. I love it! The color is gorgeous and I love the clean updo for the shoulder display. Absolutely perfect! Congrats at the top Taylor… you’ve never made one of my best dressed lists. Remember, it’s hard to make it to the top… the higher you climb, the harder you fall. Watch your step! Keep your stylist!

Well folks. That’s it for the Golden Globes! See you back for my next review of THE GRAMMYS!!!!

Wait…… hang on. Just a small shout out to Kathy Bates. Ms. Bates, you are awesome but for crying out loud…. Don’t ever ever ever agree to do any kind of accent ever again. It’s almost ruining American Horror Story for me like Christian Bale ruined The Dark Knight. Thanks.

Woot! Peace out!

BYE!

It’s HERE! It’s HERE!!! 2014 Oscar Review!

4 Mar

So, I wasn’t able to cover the Grammys due to Mommy and Rockstar duties. But honestly… did you miss it? The fashion at the Grammys has gone WAY downhill.  I’ll tell you that there are two things I remember about this year’s Grammys.  Beyonce’s butt silouette and Pink doing a repeat performance high wire routine.  Both of which I wish I could forget for the most part.  However, one of my finest, smartest and coolest pals named Joy said about Pink, “If I could do what she does I would do it everywhere.”  And honestly, if I had Beyonce’s butt, I would want to be naked all the time and run through the streets in a g-string singing Girls Who Run The World…….Don’t lie… you would too.

Anyways… back to the task at hand.  The Oscars is a VERY VERY different story.

The fashion at the Oscars is the BIGGEST FASHION moment all year and our beautiful Hollywood actors and actresses did not disappoint.

Lets dive in and start with the MAMAS!!!

BUMPIN’ IT UP

Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington

YOU BLEW ME AWAY.  You look GORGEOUS.  So perfect and glowing.  Gorgeous color, beautiful hair.  Delicious lips. I love it all.  You look STUNNING.

Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde

Such sophistication.  She’s not due for a couple more months and she is looking beautiful.  Throughout this award season, she has been so proud of her bump.  This time is no different.  Love the halter top and the white back.  So lovely.

Elsa Pataky (a.k.a Mrs. Chris Hemsworth)

Elsa Pataky and Chris Hemsworth

This bumpin’ Mama is carrying twins this time around.  If I were carrying the God of Thunder’s babies, I’d be bumpin’ it all over west Hollywood too.  Heck yea I would.  She looks so happy and content.  I love the Mama aura – she’s beautiful.  And very old Hollywood glamour.

 

 

 

A Free Pass.

Alfre Woodward

Alfre Woodard

I love the color and detail but hate the cleavage mesh (as glorious as your boobies are).   You look very regal though.

Bette Midler

Bette Midler

You get a pass Divine Ms. M.  That’s right… I don’t have one problem with your dress.  You look fantastic. I hope I look as good as you when I grow up. However, while you were a strong influence in my youth and remain to this day as one of my singing idols, I was disappointed in your performance.  I wasn’t sure what all the hand spasms were about or was it just me? In fact, it kinda ruined the whole memorium for me.  If you had just come out and sung the song like normal without all the ad lib and awkward hand gestures, it would have sold me. Anyways, regardless, this is your free pass. I love you, and will always love you. You are the wind beneath my wings… and every other 35 year old girl who still cries when she watches Beaches at home on a Saturday night eating her Ben and Jerry’s softly rocking from side to side while singing The Glory of Love.  Yea, that’s me. I need to go on a diet.

Follow this link to see her performance and draw your own conclusions:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/02/oscars-bette-midler-wind-beneath-my-wings/

Goldie Hawn

Goldie Hawn

My funny buddy Dusty summed this caption up perfectly:

“Goldie always looks like she just got home from a party.”

… yea.. at the botox/plastic surgeon clinic.  But hey! Who cares! You’re Goldie Hawn.  Do whatchoowant.

June Squibb

June Squibb

You look divine June.  So regal and the color suits you.  I cannot wait to see Nebraska.  Bruce Dern is such a favorite and the clips I’ve seen of you in Nebraska tell me I’m going to love you too.  Congrats on your nomination!! You’re beautiful—as far as I am concerned you can have a free pass from me any time.

Meryl Streep

Meryl Streep

Distinguished, classy, lovely lady of mine.  You are the epitome of elegance and grace.  You’re the best in your craft and it is only matched by your unparalleled beauty and humility.   Keep on keepin’ on.

 

 

Bringin’ the Wonk

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick

I look forward to seeing good things from you in the acting world.  This dress …. Yuck.  The see through crap and the weird midriff.  You are a gorgeous, talented lady who does not need to show your midriff.  Leave that to Britney.  She has to do that.

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway

“YOU THERE! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?”   …. Seriously… what is it?  Cuz by the looks of it we need to give the creators of 300 a little call for a screen test for you in the next sequel.  You take yourself way too seriously.

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron

Charlize De Vil, Cruella’s younger sister from Jersey Shore.

Julie Delpy

Julie Delpy the FAN

She looks like fan. See?

Kelly Ripa

Kelly Ripa

I’m gonna blame this on the angle.. but two words.  Ribs and Spanx.  I love Kelly Ripa and think she is Wonder Woman.  I worry though.

Kristen Chinoweth

Kristen Chenoweth

She literally looks like the Oscar Trophy. Either that or she looks like a golden mermaid keychain.  I miss her long hair.

Liza Minnelli

Liza Minnelli

THE QUEEN OF THE WONK.  Who can do the wonk and almost make it classy?  Liza can.  Almost.

Ok.. maybe not. The blue hair is fun tho!

Sally Hawkins

Sally Hawkins

YIKES.  One of the UGLIEST dresses I have ever seen in my whole life, henceforth, forever more, AMEN.  Fire your stylist Mayim Bialik!

 

 

The Bleep Bloop Blahp

These gowns are all TOTAL snoozefests.  I don’t know if it’s the neutral color  of all of these dresses or what.. but nothing about these dresses tickle my “oooooo—wowwweeeee” bone.

The Bleep

Gold with long sleeves

Angelina Jolie …Really?  This was what you said yes to? I will say it’s nice to see you smiling. THAT is what looks good on you.   Sarah Paulson, you look bored… zzzzzz

The BLOOP

short sleeved

Calista Flockhart — Eeeeeeeeesh. Not a fan.  Maria Menounos, you were on my best dressed how many times?  I like your hair though. Naomi Watts, yuck hair and yuck tshirt dress.

 

The Blahp

white strapless

Laura Dern—I really love you.  I REALLY REALLY love your dad.  SO brilliant.  The dress is pretty.. I just wish it was a different color, honestly.  The color makes it so blah.  Tara Lapinski – meh. Prom at best.  And Jessica Biehl, you look washed out … You’re such a pretty gal and I wish you would wear some color against your gorgeous hair and skin tone.

 

 

The Tasteful but not too flashy

Jennifer Garner (a.k.a my husband’s not so secret crush)

Jennifer-Garner-Oscars-2014

I’m not crazy about this dress. But it doesn’t deserve to be in the worst dress or my Bleep Bloop Blahp section apparently. I love Jennifer Garner. If only she could meet me I know we would bond, have playdates with our kids and drink Starbucks together. That said, she wasn’t up for an award. So it makes sense to be classy but not too flashy. I’m just not crazy about the flapper kinda style.  My husband sweetly disagrees because he is in love with her. Therefore, this section is in honor of him.

Adell Nazeem

Indina Menzel

Ok ok…. the hiccup heard across the world.  John Travolta had one job to do and he messed it up.  On the upside, I thought it was super funny and random.  I am a huge Idina Menzel fan. Ever since her days in Rent on Broadway she has captivated me.  However, I wasn’t crazy about her dress – again not a worst dressed—but not a homerun either.  Also, maybe it was because John Travolta got all wacky and pronounced her name wrong, but her performance was off—and annoying.  And over exaggerated.  Which lately, all of her performances since her Wicked days seem to be that way.  Even on Glee.  In any case, any vocalist can learn from her—she definitely has made her mark in singing history— however,  I am not into her screeching/belting out method any more.  Just doesn’t do it for me.  It started to go downhill for me when she bobbled on Defying Gravity at the Tony’s when she won (which was an AMAZING performance… did you guys see that back in the day? Joy I know you and Anna were there! So jealous!!). I could hear it in her voice then.. and I hear it now… she’s gonna get nodes if she keeps it up.  Drink some water, quit screeching.  Remember, quality and intensity versus decibels.  Say it with me…Quality and intensity versus decibels.  Sorry, I watch way too much Dora the Explorer. I figure if repeating works for my 2 year old, it will work for you.  Still, I love you.  I just want you to have your voice when you grow up.  🙂

Follow this link to see her incredible performance and draw your own conclusions:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/03/03/idina-menzel-sings-let-it-go/

I’d much rather see this performance.. BRAVO!!!

 

 

 

THE WORST DRESSED LIST

4. Ashley Wagner

Ashley Wagner

Alrighty, I get it.  You are gonna go for the gold in four years.  Not here at the Oscars. Hate this dress and your hair.  You were fantastic in Sochi (however…… complaining about the ice skating judging does nothing for your image regardless of how much you meant it with good intentions)  You are a badass and you are fearless on the ice.  Don’t lose sight of that.  With that said, lose the dress and find something else… and THE RED LIPSTICK.  YES.  I’m talking to you and to GRACIE GOLD! #overit  See you in four years—congrats on your job well done representing the most fantastic and awesome nation ever! GO TEAM USA!

On a complete SOCHI sidenote .. I love Sage Kotsenburg.  I want to be his best friend. Congrats on your gold medal buddy!!!!!  Next time you are in Ohio I’ll buy you a beer or a coffee or whateva.

Sage

3. Emma Watson

goth

Gwynnie got to you didn’t she?  Yuck.  At least you’re not sagging like your style mentor. You’re Emma frickin’ Watson. You can do this. You are such a delight.  Wow me next time. I have my eye on you. I know you can do this!! One day you are going to be up there accepting your Oscar. I know it.

2.  Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts

You were a nominee this year and you chose that?  Man, when you won your Oscar it was one of my most FAVORITE gowns in OSCAR history!  You are one of the peeps that I cannot wait to see.  I don’t know.  Between you and Angelina, I’m a little concerned with where the gowns are headed in your future.  I don’t like it.  Also, I don’t like the updo.  You have such gorgeous hair.  I miss it. I miss your fun style.

1.  Viola Davis

Viola Davis

I love me some Viola Davis.  But this gown ain’t doin’ it for me.  I do love the classic coif.  I’m just not feeling the color.  I do love the bracelets though.

 

 

 

 

HONORABLE MENTION

All of these ladies deserve a shout-out.  Nice effort and you look lovely (Lady Gaga, nice to see you in something so glamorous and old Hollywood style.)

Jada Pinkett Smith, Lady Gaga and Rachel Smith

hm2

Gabourey Sidibe and Glenn Close

hm1

Glenn you are a little funeralish for me but you are a legend so you get a pass for that. You still look fab.  Gabby, you are such a star.  You were ferocious in AHS season 3!!!  Bravo!!   More more!!  This is probably my favorite gown you have ever worn.  I love it.  And I love the COLOR!!!

Pink

86th Annual Academy Awards - Show

She is perfectly dressed for such a beautiful tribute.  To see how to wow a crowd with your voice and how to dress to impress, click the link below and watch Pink.  The ONLY thing I have against this performance is the fact that she breaks the word “OVER” in the phrasing.. kind of an odd choice, but it didn’t ruin it for me.  She’s a powerful vocalist and a true performer.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/pink-performance-oscars-2014-684539

 

 

 

Here it is……. BEST DRESSED for the OSCARS 2014!!!!!!!

10.  Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence

LOOK AT YOU! Such a little starlet! So beautiful (I hate the CORAL color) but I do love you and I love the dress. You look perfect.  You pull off that color very nicely.

9.  Kate Hudson

Kate Hudson

Honey, you are it.  I love pretty much everything you put on.  This gown was superb!

The hair, the cape! The clutch! OH MY!! I don’t even mind the neutral cream color!

8.  Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell

Some may say, “Hey, why isn’t she in your Bleep Bloop Blahp section”?  Simple answer.  It’s my blog and I love her.  She’s fantastic.  And unlike those other dresses, this has a little something extra.  I love the detail in the bodice and I love the jewels.  She’s delightful.  I love you Kristen.

7.  Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett

CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!!!  I have to admit, I wasn’t pulling for you.  My Best Actress heart was pulling for another.  However, you look lovely.  I’m a fan.  Most of the time you have hits in your fashion and tonight is one of them.  Darling gown and beautiful hair.  Bravo!

6. Amy Adams

Amy Adams

I love love love this gown. You are such a class act.  How gorgeous you are.  The sleek figure and the detailed bust line.  Perfection.  You’re awesome.  And you know it.  Clap your hands.

5.  Matthew and Camila McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey and Camila

These two go together like PB & J.  Doesn’t she look like royalty?  I love the cape action she has going on and the champagne color.  I even dig Matthew’s white tux.  Congrats on your win.  As a fellow Longhorn (well.. by proxy of working there for 7 glorious years), I think I speak for the entire campus when I say “Hook ‘em! YOU MAKE TEXAS PROUD!!!”

4.  Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne

I am constantly impressed with you.  Seriously.  You have impressed me more times than not.  You look absolutely stunning.  The only piece of the puzzle that needs any tweeking (if at all) would be the purple hair.  But—I know that you are under contract for a little while longer with that so I will forgive you.  I do look forward to you being able to get rid of the purple hue though.  Regardless you look fantastic.

3.  Jenna Dewan-Tatum

Jenna Dewan-Tatum

A year ago, I would have HATED this dress.  But for some reason, I love it on Jenna.  She looks like one of those dancers in a jewelry box that pops up and plays.. you know the kind I’m talking about?  I don’t even mind the blah color.  It goes nice against her dark hair.  I think she looks pretty fab.

2.  Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock

Isn’t she lovely?  Some people absolutely dogged her in the critic circle.  I, however, found her dress to be totally refreshing and beautiful having this splash of color among so many who went with cream, white, off white.. bleep bloop blahp.  Getting back to Sandy.. her hair is AMAZING.  Look at it? She has Pantene Pro-V splashed all over those locks.  I ❤ her.  I loved GRAVITY.  OMG.  I love that film. So beautiful.  She was perfect.  She should have won. As much as I love Cate, Sandy should have won that award. Hands down.

Well folks.. here it is… she swept all of my lists as #1 this award season and I know she has moved her way right into everyone’s hearts after that beautiful acceptance speech.

1. LUPITA NYONG’O!!!!!!

Lupita Nyong'o

Sunday night was HER night. Love the color, love the headband, love the lipgloss, love the bracelet, I love EVERYTHING.  Did you see her acceptance speech?  People could learn a thing or two about humility from watching her acceptance speech.  Try not to cry when you watch it. I look forward to seeing SO MUCH more from you!!!

Click here to watch her accept her award!

Well, that’s it for this year folks.  I can’t wait for next time! Congrats to all the nominees and all the winners.  Jared Leto, your speech was truly inspiring.  So proud of you!   I will leave you with Ellen’s monologue.  She was absolutely brilliant and SO darn funny.  Love you Ellen!

Click here to watch Ellen’s monologue!

2013 Grammy Awards Fashion Review!

15 Feb

Meh.  The Grammys.  There were no amazing TRUE BEST dressed celebs. However, there were some “unique” choices as well as a lot of peeps riding my pet peeve of sheer see-through messes.    I have little patience for the lack of effort among my celebrity pals below. This is an awards show… right? Like a formal awards show…. right?  When did the Grammys become so informal?  By the way I use the term “pals” loosely.. OK.. I really don’t know any of them but I know they would love me and we would be best friends if given the chance… right??? … hee hee hee)

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

 

 

Lets just get to it.  I cannot WAIT for the SHEER-SEE-THROUGH craze to go the way of the Do-Do. Why is this style so popular?  All these gals are so beautiful and these dresses do absolutely nothing for them in my opinion.

Ashanti

ashanti-435x580
Is this dress supposed to resemble a japanese hand fan?  In that case, it’s beautiful.  Again, this style would do much better on an Olympic Ice Skater rather than on the red carpet.

 

 

D’Manti

carpet dmanti not AP
Who is this? She’s a gorgeous gal — I just checked out her website (http://www.dmanti.com/) and she has  really cool picture in the side bar.  Obviously she loves to be naked– I don’t blame her. If I had her bod I would be all the time.  I just think this dress is a bit on the yuck and Courtney Love side of life (No offense C.L!  Love ya!)

 

 

Jack Osbourne’s wife

jackosbourne and wife

1.  She’s a BEAUTIFUL lady.  2.  This would be a cute outfit withOUT the sheer skirt attached.  Agreed?  3.  I would have LOVED to have seen her in a true evening gown. She would have ROCKED it.  Kinda like Julia Robert’s dress from her Oscar win for Erin Brokovich.

 

 

Miranda Lambert

miranda-lambert-435x580

This would have been a pretty nice dress if it didn’t have the sheer crap at the bottom.  I do like the plunging neckline. Sexy and tasteful for sure– and her hair looks beautiful as well.

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman

DIdn’t you use wear this last week at the SAGs  in a different color?  Bah.  Lady, you are a Hollywood Icon.  C’mon!

Rhianna

rihanna-grammys-2013

I have to admit…. I like this dress.  This is about one of the only dresses in the “see-through” universe that I think looks pretty neat.  Besides Ri-Ri’s nipple action, this is a home run for me!  Love the color, love the flow of the train, and I think her hair and makeup looks lovely.

Oooooo… the sparkly sparkles came out to play at the Grammys.

Ashlee Keating … who are you?  and um….

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals
Uh……. why did you say yes to this dress?  Three words.  Fire your stylist.

 

 

Florence Welch

Florence Welch

Eesh.  I’m kinda torn on this gal.  Yea I know lots of people dig her. And I personally dig her songs– they’re catchy and clever. HOWEVER,  if I’m being honest she hurts my ears (literally) because she sings out of tune.  Like on the same level as Natalie Merchant (yea…. I think you’re cool too but I can’t listen to you for a very long time or my ears will explode.)  Back to the dress…. I like it.  It’s fun and silly.  Very Wizard of Oz like.. reminds me of a cross between Elphaba and the Wizard himself.  If they had a kid, it would be Florence Welch. Don’t you agree?  Look how serious she is in this pic….. so deep.  🙂

Kat Dennings

kat dennings

You were funny in Thor.  I think I could be your friend.  We both have big lips and big boobies.  However, I’m becoming unimpressed with you like I am with Christina Hendricks.  I know you have huge bongos. Would love a little variety around the boobies. I say variety…. hahah.. this coming from someone who is lucky to get a shower and where something other than yoga pants and a strapless shirt) …. on second thought, just go ahead and wear your strapless dresses and push those puppies up.  I still hate this dress.  Sorry love.

 

 

Kathy Griffin

kathygriffin

You are awesome and I love you.

Pauley Perette

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet
I would NEVER wear this dress– but that’s only because I can’t rock the t-shirt dress form. Pauley, you’re super cool and you pretty much rock whatever you wear or do.  Keep on keepin’ on.

Skylar Grey

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

This chick is the one who wrote the song that Eminem and Rhianna sampled Love the way You Lie. She’s written lots of stuff.  I dig her voice.  I dig this dress. Not a fan of side side boob. BUT I do like the color and of course the sparkle. The halter looks ok but looks kind of wonky at the top or is that just my imagination?

 

Solange Knowles

Solange KNowles

I love Solange.  I DO like this dress. But I don’t love it. I dig the pink shoes too.  I looooooove her hair.

 

 

Carly Rae Jepson

Carly Rae Jepson
She looks JUST like Marceline from Adventure Time.  See?

 
Are ya’ll a fan of the cut-outs?  I’m personally annoyed by them. Only because it’s like these gals take a GORGEOUS dress that would look great and someone takes a scissor to them.  Unnecessary in my opinion.

 

Alicia Keys

alicia keys

Why does she always smile as if she just passed gas?  (Is that rude or mean?  She’s a lovely gal don’t get me wrong.. it just always looks like she just let out a little something extra other than showing some skin…)

Estelle

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Actually this dress is fugly. Perhaps the unnecessary cutout actually helps this dress.. eh.. I don’t know.  nothing can help this dress.

Kelly Osbourne

kelly-osbourne-435x580

I think she would have looked great without the cutouts… this dress is beautiful and I love the way it accents her beautiful shoulders.  She really is a pretty gal and I’m so proud of her for getting sober and losing the weight (something I need to do as I pudge around my house as a professional poop slinger).

Natasha Bedingfield

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

At first glance this dress is boring to me.  I do like the color.  She looks like she just rolled out of bed with her hair though.  And the cut outs on the side.. meh…. stupid.

 

 

Hmmmmm.. Really???

Lila Downs

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

What is this? Who is she?

Lisa Damato

Lisa DAmato

I kinda dig this.. for a costume. Is that what this is?  I liked he puff sleeves.  Anne Shirley got a dress from Matthew that had puffed sleeves.  But this DRESS.  Hmm. It’s like a cross between Alice in Wonderland and Heidi.  It also reminds me of P!nk’s wedding cake… See?

Adele

adele

I ADORE ADELE.  But why are prints popular?  Adele you aren’t the first to fall for this heinous fad!  See Elisabeth?  See Julianna?

 

 

The “go on witcha bad self” award!

Kate Pierson of the B52s

B52slady Kate Pierson

Oh my.. this like Star Trek meets sparkle bondage.  I love it. I love her.  She makes my heart happy.

 

 

The “I make sheer- see- through look GOOD” award!

Kelly Rowland

kelly-rowland-grammys-2013

WOW.  You know, This dress is mesmerizing.. kinda like one of those pictures where you have to focus to see the hologram or whatever the heck those pictures are. Pretty cool dress and if anyone can pull it off, it’s Ms. Rowland. On a side note, do you think she’s wearing underwear with this dress?  I mean, even thong would probably show somewhere in the sheer parts. Just curious.

 

 

Hold up…. it’s COUPLE time!

 

 

Faith Hill and Tim McGaw

faith-hill-grammys-2013

Not wild about Faith’s dress (I loved her at the Oscars when Whitney pulled out that one year… see?   She sang “Over The Rainbow” last minute when Whitney Houston had to pull out for some reason– I think that dress is fun) In any case she is lovely gal.  And Tim McGraw…. every time I see these two it takes me back to her “Cry” album and his “Tim McGraw and the Dancehall Doctors” album.  I was in Montana and listened to Cry and Tiny Dancer ALL. THE.  TIME.  I love them.

Jenna Jameson and … er… you know, that guy

jennajameson

They look cute and though I hate cutouts, Ms. Jameson looks shockingly dressed and as always, she looks beautiful. I love the striped vested suit on her man.  They look great together though I’m a fan of the Miley Cyrus hair she’s got going on.  (No offense Miley.  I like the longer dark locks better)

Gotye and Kimbra

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Um.. ok.

 

 

Sting and Trudie Styler

Sting

Rock royalty.  I love them.  I love it when dudes wear decorative scarves.  That’s hot.

 

 

What’s up with the jumpsuits? Isn’t this a formal affair?  Both of these ladies look fabulous but I personally have an unspoken rule about this being an evening gown occasion (unless you are Ellen– in which case you can just rock out in your pantsuit cuz you are awesome).

 

Rocsi Diaz

rocsi-diaz-435x580

 

 

Beyonce

Beyonce

OH.  And for everyone ruining my patriotic loving feeling and hating on my buddy Beyonce for singing along to a backing track at the inauguration ……… she’s quite possibly the most fierce vocalist of my generation.  Here are a few videos to remind you why..

Tribute to Tina Turner

Tribute to Barbara Streisand

THE BEST NATIONAL ANTHEM EVER

 

Ok… here’s the best I can do for BEST dressed.  This term is used VERY loosely because honestly, I was NOT impressed with anyone because I don’t see any effort or it’s the same ole same ole.

 

 

4. Carrie Underwood

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet
You are consistent.  You know what looks good on you and you roll with it.  You always look well put together.  Also, I thought the dress during your performance was super.

 

 

3.  Katy Perry

Katy Perry

 

Meh, it looks good but you kinda look like Morticia’s preppy sister with big jugs.

 

2. LL Cool J

The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet
I love you.  You are AWESOME. Such a stud.

 

 

1.  Bonnie McKee

Bonnie McKee

 

I don’t know who you are other than you a cool songwriter who writes for just about everyone. Well done.  I think this dress is COOL.  Sure it’s not exactly PRETTY or just drop dead gorgeous… but much like my #1 from last time, this dress has character and was a helluva lot more interesting than the rest of the flops we saw.  Right right?  Not to mention she wins the award for the best hair HANDS DOWN.

 

 

Next up….. OSCARS 2013!!

 

oscar

Mama and Papa movie review! Last night’s showing was Underworld: Awakening

9 May

Star Rating: 5 stars

(for Star Rating key: https://madtimemama.wordpress.com/mama-and-papa-movie-reviews/)

Here’s a movie that makes a series proud. My husband and I are HUGE Kate Beckinsale fans and we LOVE the Underworld franchise. To be honest, every time another one of these movies comes out, we cringe a little worrying that the next movie will be a disappointment. Mostly, this is because of the Resident Evil series. The first two of that series were AWESOME… three and four, not so much. Ali Larter was practically an embarrassment to the franchise. She RUINED Resident Evil 3 and Resident Evil 4 was pretty much vomit sauce with the story line and the poor acting in it. It makes me sad for the world of Sci-Fi. Most of the time, you either LOVE Sci-Fi movies or you hate ‘em. With that being said, a lot of the time, casting directors allow random peeps to join an already established franchise cast (Ashanti, anyone? Poor choice—for those of you who don’t know, she is an R&B singer/performer) to give their acting skills a try. Loyal Sci-Fi lovers will see the movie regardless, but it really brings down the quality of the movie. Disappointing. But I digress… back to Underworld.

Every Underworld movie has a distinct story line that melts into the next. This movie is no different. What impresses me about this series is that it continues to have room to grow. Just when you think they might end the series and close it out, there are more stories that could come from these characters. It’s exciting to see.

In this particular movie, Kate’s character finds out she had a daughter. The actress that plays the daughter is GORGEOUS. See?

As always, Kate Beckinsale does not disappoint. She rocks that cat suit with her perfectly toned bod. She’s a SUPERB actress who OWNS this character (even with all the acrobatics and fight scenes.. she’s AWESOME!!!). We have always enjoyed every character she ever plays. Very believable. One of my favorite lines of the movie, “My heart is not cold. It’s broken.” So sad!

The supporting characters did a great job at not getting in the way and doing what they are supposed to do. Support. Unlike Resident Evil 3 and 4. Take note Ali Larter — I shake my fist at you! The actors in Underworld: Awakening were all fine actors with range and the ability to transport the viewer into the story. On a side note: The guy who played the vampire boss, Charles Dance, is a good actor. He owns Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones. Too bad he just tried to go for a weak impersonation of Bill Nighy. We love Bill Nighy in this household. Nobody Nighys the way Bill Nighy Nighys. And Mr. Dance, watch out, dude. Bill Nighy will find you, and you might not like it.

After each movie I cross my fingers that on Kate Beckinsale’s IMDB page, there is another in production. So far, one is not listed. However, I have no doubt that Awakening is not the last time we will see her in her black, patent leather Death Dealer suit.

A quote from my husband: “Wish they had really killed off Michael. That guy is supposed to be so awesome, but he’s always catchin’ a beatin’. And I’ve never bought that Kate Beckinsale would fall for his punk ass. He’s a puss.”

A quote from me: “Blah blah, I liked Michael.”