2017 Golden Globes Fashion Review!

Golden Globes 2017!!! No joke. I look forward to this show EVERY – SINGLE – Year! I want to see golden eggs and trainwrecks.  This show, the fashion was probably a little more “meh” than “wowzers.” However, there were some truly beautiful moments and some (what I am guessing) extremely expensive drapes turned into awkward gowns. One gown in particular took a cue from one of the greatest fashion icons ever, some others took cues from their Great Aunt Ida’s living room drapes.  As my dear pal Joy Noel said, “This is the year of unnecessary, hideous sleeves.”  We will see a lot of those . . .

A side note. I apologize as this is almost a month late.  When I started my Naptime Fashion Reviews back in 2012, they were just that.  I wrote them while my oldest baby slept . . . Fast forward 5 years, a move to another state, two kids later with a full time job working for absolutely some of the best people I have ever met or worked for, and I find myself short on time.  Thankfully, my readers are understanding and wonderful so I know you’ll understand my tardiness to the party . . . but never fear, as long as there are award shows, I will be ready to give my uneducated opinion on the subject.  I’ve got several guest reviewers lending their thoughts.  Let’s get started.

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

LIVING LEGENDS

Bernadette Peters

 

She is just exquisite. I adore her and I LOVE this dress with the purple accented designs.

Bonus Comments: 

J: Whooooooa mama! Yes.

Eve: It’s safe, but it’s not bad.

 

Goldie Hawn 

I love this dress.  And she looks fabulous. I love her hair, I love the sleeves.  Take note all you young Hollywood folk! If you are going to do sleeves, this is how you do it right! (I’m looking at you Mayim Bialik!)

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Stiffler’s mom.

Evie:  Everything is so boring and already done.

 

 

Angela Bassett

This woman does NOT age.  She’s such a talent and ALWAYS pretty much flawless on the red carpet.

Bonus comments:

J: She is STILL a gorgeous woman. Gorgeous woman.

Phil: That accentuates her figure VERY well.

Eve: I can’t get on board with the mermaid dresses. However, she pulls it off nicely.  I like the shoulders.

 

Meryl Streep

Congrats on your distinguished award, Ms. Streep! Well deserved.  I love the stained glass motif you have going on here.  Also, I think your daughter is quite talented and would LOVE to see more from her too! ❤

 

WORST DRESSED

Anna Chlumsky

Look, I really dig Anna. I think she has got great comedic timing, and I just think she is adorable over all. However, she needs to return whatever room she stole these drapes from to make this dress. It’s not flattering.  The color is ok.   It’s almost a toga gone bad . . . like this:

 

In fact, I wish she HAD worn this.  At least then it would have been interesting and I could have put you in the RISK TAKER pile. I even dig the pink. I don’t like the cut out, but because it’s Star Trek, I’ll give it a pass.

Bonus comments: 

Phil – Green toga.

J – What’s she doing with her face?

Eve: Bedsheets.

Kerry Washington

Ah yes, Kerry Washington.  At least she is putting forth some effort unlike most programs she has attended.  Complete and utter trainwreck.  The only thing going for her is the color. I do like the yellow/goldish color on her. If I am being honest, the dress with the shoulders looks like a fungus that grew off of a piece of random ducktape on my kids’ floaties in my mustard algae laced pool in the summertime.  Seriously, I don’t even know what that accent on her waist is.  I zoomed in, and I got nuthin’.  Also, I’m not into see through crap (AS YOU ALL KNOW!) where it shows the underwear/bodice. Leave something to the imagination. Unless, you’re Madonna.  Then don’t. We’ve seen it all before. Because you’re Madonna. Also, I love Scandal.  I try my best to resist because it’s really not as good as it was when it started (pretty unbelievable).  But I can’t.  It’s a guilty pleasure and I am so glad to have Ms. Pope back in action.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Looks like armor in WoW.

Evie: It looks like something you would wear to a middle school dance.

Phil: Don’t lke the lipstick.

Joy Noel: Kerry Washington’s dress looks like a kid slapped duck tape on it.

Kristen Wiig

Oh boy.  Lace. I LOVE lace if done correctly.  This dress is pretty much one of the worst dresses I have seen to date.  Why do people in Hollywood insist on becoming a doily?  I can appreciate the short hair, but I really love Ms. Wiig’s hair long. Also, I hate see through crap.

Bonus Comment:

J: Good one. She’s so funny!

Monica Belucci

This woman is a GORGEOUS lady. This dress is hideous.  She could have worn any color in the rainbow and it would have been better than this.  It just washes her out and makes her look sick. If the dress wasn’t overdone with all the fabric, I think I would have liked it more. Too much fabric from Aunt Ida’s living room.

 

Natalie Portman

I think she’s playing off of her performance as Jackie O, and I get what she’s trying to do. She’s preggo.  I’d love for her to take a cue from fellow preggo Gal Gadot (see much later in the review) and show off that buttercup. There are several things wrong with this whole package:  1) the color is ALL sorts of wrong for her, 2) the lipstick is REALLY not a good color for her, 3) and her expression in nearly every picture at the globes makes it apparent that she just doesn’t want to be there. She almost looks confused or that this awards show is an after thought. I used to love Natalie on the red carpet. Not so much here.

Bonus Comments:

J: She’s obviously lost her mind.

Phil: Highlight the bump. Don’t hide it with that.

Ruth Negga

Ms. Negga is one of my most FAVORITE actresses of the moment.  Have you seen Preacher?  Do yourself a favor and binge it. This dress is less than to be desired. I’m not a fan of zippers. I had an unfortunate incident with a zipper when I was a kid. I never will like zippers. However, I will say that Ms. Negga’s makeup is FLAWLESS.  I loved you in Warcraft and SOOOOO hope they make sequel.  Ish-noo a-lah!

Bonus Comments:

J: I don’t get this dress either.

Phil: She looks like French doors.

Sophie Turner

Girl, get some clothes on.  Winter is coming.

 

Winona Ryder

I actually like this dress a little. It remind me of my senior prom dress if it was strapless and not spaghetti strapped.  See?

 

(Shout out to the Cooleys!  I love my Cooley fam! <3)

Ms. Ryder, the issue I have with this outfit is the confidence factor.  If you are going to wear it, own it.  Put those shoulders back, take a 5-hour and show us you got this.  While I was bored with Stranger Things, I do hope you come back for Season 2.  I did appreciate your small part in in it.

Bonus Comment: 

Evie: Oh my gosh I love this.  Her hair looks so soft and flowing, the dress is classy, basic, but timeless.

Risk Takers and Trends

 

THE PALE

 

Carrie Underwood

Alrighty. Lets address the elephant in the room.  The collar of this dress does not look like a vagina.  C’mon people.  I can’t believe some people actually said that it did.  Number one, she looks gorgeous despite the busy bodice and the needless cutouts. People should be praising her for not wearing another strapless prom dress.  Thank you for hemming your dress correctly too.  Whatever you pay your seamstress, give her a bump in her salary.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: The skirt doesn’t fit with her body type. Makes her look stocky and awkward when she’s not!

Phil: She looks like a cake.

J: She looks like a mess.

Evie: It’s god awful.

Claire Foy

Have you all ever seen the 1980’s movie High Spirits with Steve Guttenburg and Daryl Hannah?  To make a long story short, it’s a great little movie about ghosts in an Irish castle.  Daryl Hannah plays a ghost who was murdered in the castle and she just looks all pale and dead (as she is supposed to look).  See?

 

Ms. Foy looks dead in this dress and in this picture. Between the color of the dress, her beautiful pale skin and her lighter hair, it just doesn’t jive. Congrats on your win though! I LOVVVVVEED The Crown. Watched it in one weekend.

Bonus Comments:

J: Man. Someone call 911.

Evie: I don’t like the belt or the poofy sleeves.

Emma Stone

Striking.  WONDERFUL color and the metallic prints are really a lovely touch. Not much more to say other than, I love you and I want to be your best friend. If only you could see that we would make GREAT buds.

 

Felicity Jones

#SoGross

Bonus Comments: 

Evie: She could do so much better.

Phil: It looks like drapes.

J: She knows nobody cares about her. **sad face**

JBIRD’s BEST DRESSED

Gwendoline Christie

Quite possibly one of my favorite actresses of the moment.  My husband loves her and is on his list (You know, “the list” wink wink). His knee jerk reaction was: “I would climb that mountain.”  She can do no wrong in our eyes. I also want to be your best friend.

Bonus Comment:

Evie:  This looks gorgeous on her.  It’s flattering on her, the color looks just like her skintone but just a shade peachier. Love it. I think it’s my favorite.

 

Gal Gadot

I, for one, cannot WAIT until the Wonder Woman movie comes out.  She is perfect for that part.

Bonus Comment:

J: “I have a knee.” Gal Gadot-ver here.

 

THE PANTS

 

Evan Rachel Wood

I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I really really really do. I love this. It’s SO her. She reminds me of mega-risk taker Diane Keaton crossed with the glamourous Julia Roberts. Seriously, I love this whole outfit.  She is pretty awesome because she pulls it off so well. I won’t lie. I have a girl crush on her – I’ve been in love with her since True Blood. ❤

Bonus Comments:

J: What’s she so happy about?

Evie: I think it’s great that she has the courage to wear pants instead of skirts and dresses. I love her in Westworld. She’s amazing!

Kathryn Hahn

I’ve loved this gal since she was Miguel Ferrer’s love interest on Crossing Jordan. (RIP Miguel Ferrer. Best Voice of Death ever). I like this look on her, but she needs to hem her pants and needs a different hairdo.  She’s a fun gal and honestly, she could pull off pretty much any look.

 

Octavia Spencer

 

While I love a good pant look, and I adore Navy Blue for Ms. Spencer, I wanted to see her in a gown.  She is one of my favorite actresses and I want to see her go old Hollywood style with a beautiful flowing skirt and capped sleeves . . . I can’t wait to see what she wears to the Oscars. I love her.

 

THE PRINTS

Riley Keough

Some might ask . . . “Who is this chick?” Well, she’s The King’s granddaughter.  That’s right, this is Lisa Marie’s kiddo.  She’s been in all sorts of things and is a budding actress.  The recent Mad Max movie is one I remember her in. Good for her. The dress is not totally unfortunate. However, it’s not something I personally would not go into the shop and say “OO! Let’s wear this broomstick-ish skirt with triangles.”  Nice effort though. It’s not boring, that’s for sure.

Bonus Comment:

J: She’ll never amount to anything.

Janelle Monae

This gal gets it.  While I don’t LOVE this dress, this is what I want to see. I want to see something other than a safe little diddy.  What I do love about this dress:  The sparkles, the hair, she’s got great posture and she owns this moment.  I can’t wait to see you in Hidden Figures.  Looking forward to it. Bravo.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Prom. She’s looks like she is in shape.

Evie. It’s not boring. I just don’t like the mullet skirt.

Giuliana Rancic

I love this.  For some reason it reminds me of The Secret Garden.  I do love it though.  Giuliana, not so much.  But it does look nice on her.

Bonus Comment:

J: Shrunken rat-face indicates inbreeding in most cultures.

 

The Metallics

Elsa Pataky

This is Thor’s wifey.  She looks amazing.  Everything except the sheer crap.  Lose it, you would have been on the best dressed list.

Bonus Comment:

Evie: I like it.

Naomie Harris

Va-Vooom!  This is what you wear to an award’s show y’all. Absolutely in line with Allye’s Code of Fashion.  Hands down, Ms. Harris wins best hair.  Lovely.

Bonus Comments:

J: I think she’s had botox. Used to be prettier.

Evie:  It’s very futuristic.

 

The Plunge  

Kristen Bell

 

Ah yes.  One of my absolute favorites in Hollywood right now.  I love this . I love the sparkle. I love earrings, I love the hair. Is this a pansuit or a skirt? I can’t really tell. I don’t really care. I’m distracted by the sparkles… oo shiney!

 

Jessica Biel

 

Someone should have lint rolled you before you got out of the car.  Something is on your skirt.

Bonus Comment:

J: That’s just stupid looking.

Phil: Is that cleavage or chest? What is that?

Kristen Cavellieri

YES. So much yes.  Boobs, snug fit sparkly dress and great hair.  A+.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Boobs.

J: Boobs.

BEST DRESSED

13. Chrissy Tiegan

 

I’m not a fan of Ms. Tiegan. However, I do like that she is wearing something pretty interesting. I also like the color scheme of this whole dress and the fabric. It’s not the prettiest dress in the bunch, but it is one of the best.

 Bonus Comments: 

J: is she the boss from Serpentshrine Cavern?

E: I think this is really cool. What an interesting silhouette and fabric. Me likey!

12. Drew Barrymore

Ah, Ms. Barrymore.  I’ve ALWAYS felt she and I could be BFFs.  I love this dress. The sleeves reminds me of a Japanese fan. Ms. Barrymore always looks so well put together.  Except that one time where her boobies were flopping all over Hollywood Blvd. See?

 

We all can make mistakes. Some of us happen to make them on national television.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: Very Gatsby.

Phil: Fishscale.

J: Super medicated.

 

11. Lily Collins

Lovely.  Ms. Collins is really coming into her own with her  fashion choices.  The only thing I wish she would do is get rid of the bold red lipstick.  Maybe it’s just me, but she tends to wear that all the time.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Pluck the eyebrows.  I like the lipstick on her.  I like the dress.

Evie:  I like this one. The upper part looks like it is just magically suspended or appliquéd on her somehow.  This is GORGEOUS! I wish she had gone with a burgundy lipstick instead of red to match the dress color tone.

J: And I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

10. Nicole Kidman

YES.  This is what you wear when you are a superstar and you are married to country royalty.  YES.  So much yes.  This is like… old school Hollywood glam meets 1920s flapper with a touch of Star Trek TNG crossed with Dolly Parton from the 1980s from her Real Love album.  Pretty much all the styles and people  I adore.  I love you Ms. Kidman. This is why you get paid the big bucks.

Bonus Comments:

Phil: I could do without the straps.

J: Hey there.

9. Priyanka Chopra

This woman is basically a living Wonder Woman. She is so gorgeous.  Seriously stunning.  I love this gold color against her dark hair (though I wish it was just a **little** more styled and not so stringy.  She’s still beautiful and the details on the dress . . . Pretty darn near perfect.

Bonus Comments:

J: I don’t think she understands what she is here for. She doesn’t understand what it is.

Evie: She hit all the major checkpoints for an event dress.  It just doesn’t work.

8. Jessica Chastain

Look at this sky blue gown with the detailed flowers. PERFECTLY hemmed. Ms. Chastain ALWAYS knows the colors that are perfect against her red locks.  I love the straps right on the shoulders and the plunging neckline with the necklace.  A+

Bonus Comments:

J: I’m not opposed to this.

Phil: She’s got a great shelf.

J: I like how the flower things are on one side.

Phil: The color compliments her.

Evie: I agree.

7. Karrueche Tran

I’ll admit it.  I have no idea who Ms. Tran is, but I love her dress and I love the color.  And it matches my newly pink hair, so she gets a mention.   And, take a look at my hair.

 

Isn’t it gorgeous? Be sure to go see Haley Martin at Twisted Scissors Salon in Hartselle, Alabama. No joke, the best hair stylist I’ve ever been to.

6. Sofia Vergara

This is a bit of a no brainer.  She is ALWAYS on my best dressed.  She knows how to kill it on the red carpet:  1) She knows what looks she can pull off 2) she wears interesting dresses that are either full of detail or of minimalist design (letting her assets compliment the dress) 3) she knows her colors.   To be honest, girl could wear a paper bag and make it look just about the sexiest thing in the world.  I love the metallic detail and the open shoulders.  Open shoulders are sooooooo sexy.  I love them.

 Bonus Comment:

Evie: I love this. Not sure what the dress is made out of but I want it. I love that she went minimal with accessories; this dress is so visually striking that anything added would be too much. Another favorite!

J: Yes, please.

5. Mandy Moore

I love the plunge, I love the cape draping over her shoulders and resting as a train, I love the earrings and her hair.  The whole gown screams sophistication. Child stars take note. Follow her lead.  Boy, this lady has come along way from her Candy video.

 

 

Bonus Comment:

Phil: I like it.  Don’t like the cape.  I like the v-plunge.

J: No.

Evie: Low plunges are definitely in right now.  J-Lo neckline.

 

4. Blake Lively

Grecian Goddess. She looks AMAZING and she just gave birth like a couple of months ago.  Jeez! A woman’s body is so incredible. I don’t dig the pockets on this dress but I DO appreciate the vibe she is going for here and she is probably the only person in recent months to wear a primarily velour dress and pull it off like a pro. If I wore velour, it would probably end up looking straight up medieval England style:

 

Yea.  Why do I comment on fashion?  I don’t even know myself.

Bonus Comments:

Evie: I love this. Pockets in a dress. Perfection.  Bracelet choice is interesting. I love the train.

J: I don’t care. Forgettable.

 

3. Viola Davis

This woman is FIERCE. I absolutely adore Ms. Davis.  This color, the fabric, her clutch, her face, her smile, her talent…. Viola. Always one of my favorites.

 

2. Reese Witherspoon

My fellow Tennessean! The color is just gorgeous and crisscross bodice is so fitting.  She is always so tasteful and well put together. She’s made my best dressed more than once!

Bonus Comments:

Phil: Simple and elegant.

Evie: It’s not mustard yellow like Natalie’s.

Phil: Easy to mess up a yellow.

 

AND MY #1 Best Dressed goes to…….

1. Naomi Campbell

 

When I come into an awards show, I want to see something that is original.  Something that will stand a part from everyone else.  Naomi has that here. The color, the touch of sparkle, the one shoulder strap (with texture!) and the sexy slit … and the train.  Girl knows what works. Bravo!

Bonus Comments:

Phil: That is cool right there.  Best dress I’ve seen.

Evie: I love that the black stripes are sparkley and create kind of an optical illusion.

——————————

There you have it! What’s up next?  Grammys? Then the Oscars?  Check back here for those reviews! If you want to read back on past reviews check up in my Naptime Fashion Review section!

Thanks to my buddies Evie, Phil and Joy Noel and the love my life, Jbird,  for lending their thoughts and comments.

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