2017 Oscar Fashion Review!!!

It’s post Oscar time on MadTimeMama.com.  Oh how I love me some Oscars.  We had a LOT of red dresses this year. Definitely a trend.  Are shoulder pads coming back?  While I didn’t feature a lot of them on this post, I did notice that there were a lot football like shoulders on the red carpet (GROSS).

My mom’s birthday is on Monday and so she and Daddy came to visit over the weekend (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!).  She did plenty of “EWs” …. Click here to experience the disgust for yourself!  Of course, my beloved J-bird also chimes in with his thoughts.

Lets hop right on in.

**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.

THE ABSOLUTE WORST OF THE BUNCH. 

Blanca Blanco

I’m going to go ahead and say it.  This is pretty much the ugliest dress that has appeared on my blog.  Hands down.  The imperial shoulders, the color looks like puke, the slit does not work.  Her shoes are badass though.

Mom –EEWWW!!  No words to describe. Why would someone wear something that ugly anywhere? Does she have it glued down up there? It looks funny. I don’t like it.  Those sleeves… and the leg, I don’t like that at all.

Daddy:  Sucks

Brie Larson

I’ve never watched Ms. Larson in anything, though I’ve heard great things about her. This dress is all sorts of wrong, in my humble opinion.  The ruffles don’t do anything for the dress and is quite honestly, distracting.  It’s like she is wrapped in black toilet paper.

Mom: I’m not a ruffle fan. Those pointy boobs don’t do anything for her.  She needs teeny tiny straps… or something. It needs something.

Daddy:  Sucks.

Charlize Theron

Ms. Theron has missed the mark on the last several awards shows.  She’s one I look forward to the most. Honestly, she has been missing the mark for several years now.  She’s had some winners, but mostly duds. This one is in the latter group.

J:  That’s a part of her next Mad Max wardrobe.

Mom: She looks like a fish out of water.  She looks like scales or something.

Daddy: Sucks.

Chrissy Tiegan

Blagh.  Ms. Tiegan. I just don’t understand your idea of pretty things or pretty hair.   I just don’t get it.  I hate long sleeves most of the time and on this dress, it’s just doesn’t work. Not sure why you are everywhere either  …. Kind of a snooze fest, but to each their own. Enjoy the spotlight.  #notafan

I love your husband, btw.

J:  Hideous

Mom: That doesn’t do anything for me.  Why do they always have a slit cut up to their hoo-haa?

Daddy:  Sucks.

Cynthia Ervio

One of my favorite music mentors of all time, Frederick Kennedy, taught me a long time ago that prints are dangerous and distracting.  Never wear them for important performances or functions. I have to say I agree with that motto. A little bit of a print goes a long way.  While Ms. Ervio is undoubtedly a great talent, her dress is something that is less than to be desired.

Mom: Floral disaster.  It looks like a bedspread.

Daddy:  Sucks sucks sucks.

Dakota Johnson

WTF is this?  You could wear pretty much anything you want and you chose this?  Go home little girl. Get a stylist or call me for approval next time.

J:  She looks like she is really happy with this dress. Shoulder pads are coming back.

Mom:  She looks like she is dressed for the 1920s.

Daddy:  Sucks.  Dress would make a good floor cleaner.

Emma Roberts

First off, I love the color of her hair. I always have high hopes for Ms. Roberts.  She has all the makings to be awesome. This dress looks like it’s unfinished. I do enjoy the layered skirt, but the top is missing something… like fabric. Not attractive.

J: Bored with her, bored with the dress. Don’t care.

Mom:  That dress doesn’t look good on that girl. I don’t like that dress at all.

Dadddy:  SUCKS.

Giuliana Rancic

There is absolutely nothing good to say about this whole ensemble. Awful color, terrible stringy hair (take note fashion peeps – never have stringy hair at an awards show), random-cut-up sheets posing as some sort of dress, terrible color for her complexion .. don’t come back if you aren’t willing to play the game. You’re a disappointment.

J: She never fails to let us down. Dueling banjos.

Mom: She looks like she is trying to be a dead roman princess or something.

Michelle Williams

This makes me sad.  I love Michelle Williams.  She’s usually one of my best dressed. This dress kinda shows she’s over the whole scene. Boring all the way around.

J:  LOLOLOLOL. It’s like she doesn’t care anymore.

Daddy:  It sucks, in a plunging way.

Scarlett Johanssen

Same thing here with ScarJo. You’re at the Oscars, not the Vanity Fair after party.  Disappointing. And kinda of telling. Scar Jo was one of the first peeps I saw when I started looking at the arrivals.  She set the tone and honestly, the whole Oscars fashion roundup was quite mellow and boring this year.  Nothing that really stood out.

J:  I hate the hair more than the dress.   Miley Cyrus is trying to act like she’s not crazy.

Mom:  Too blousy.

Daddy: The color looks like a tumor I took off a dog the other day.

Love/hate

Jessica Biel

Things I love: Her sleek dark hair. Her make up. The shiny, glitz, glam fabric.

Thing I hate:   The color.  Not a fan of the color.

J:  Actually looks pretty good.

Mom: Egyptian.

Daddy: Sucks.

One last thing……

I AM a fan of you and your husband.  Y’all were super cute in the opening of the ceremony.  You killed it Mr. Timberlake. If y’all haven’t seen it, watch it here:

Karlie Kloss

Things I love:  The hair (You have an old school Hollywood vibe going on), The cape (reminds me Gwynnie’s dress from 2012).

Back to Karlie ..The choker (it works, it really works… most aren’t as successful), Make up is PERFECT.

Things I hate:  The color. Use with caution.  Not a fan of bright Clorox white. I agree with Mama on this one.

J:  Now I like that one.

Mom:  Since it’s white, it doesn’t look as good.  Black or a darker color would look a LOT better.

Daddy: Modest but sexy.

Kirsten Dunst

Things I love:  I love the bodice.  I love the jewelry.  I like the smokey eyes.

Things I hate: The scowl look. The stringy unkept hair look. And borrowing a phrase from one of my dearest pals, Ms. Evie, “I hate mullet skirts. Not a fan.”

Mom: I don’t like the dress at all.  I don’t lke the shoes, hair the dress.  Awful.

Daddy:  Sucky sucky sucky.  I like the carpet she is walking on.

Kristen Cavellieri

Things I love: The choker, the bodice minus the pointy BOOB horns, the skirt.

Things I hate:  You didn’t hem the dress (vomit sauce and tripping hazard) and the CORAL color.  Gross.

Mom:  The color is wrong.  Those pull up things on the boobs, if they are going to have that, they need to have straps.

Daddy: Sucks.

J: She doesn’t looks right.

Leslie Mann

I love Leslie Mann.  She’s so funny and quick with expressions.  I actually really love this dress but I hate it too.

Things I love:  The bodice, the bow, the fun skirt, the hair, the make up.

Things I hate: I hate the color. I wish it was hot pink.  But then again, I wish everything was hot pink.

Mom:  EW. Whoa!!!!!!!  NOOOOO.  UUUUHHHHHHGGGGGG-LEEEEEEE.

Daddy: it looks like mustard on a hot dog to me or 57 Studebaker.

Also, the fun skirt (which I kinda love) reminds me of of Prince Di’s dress (wrinkly and such…)  See?

 

Priyanka Chopra

First off, whenever Ms. Chopra is around, I can’t stop staring at her. I have a total girl crush on her. She is GORGEOUS. I love her hair, her make up.  And I love the dress.  And I really HATE it.

Things I love: I love the geometric shapes and the pearly color. I love the simple earrings and bracelets. AND she has hemmed the dress PERFECTLY.

Things I hate:  What’s up with the open mesh sides and the pointy booby edges.  This would have been perfect as a simple smooth rounded bodice at the top instead of the peak-a-boo mesh sides.

Mom: I don’t like the sides.  I’m not wild about this dress.

J: I like her hair.

SHOUT OUT TIME!

Auli’i Cravalho

Beautiful young lady. Lovely voice.  Wonderful pick for your first Oscar ceremony.

SHOUT OUT:  Way to carry on like a trooper after getting bonked on the head by the back up dancers.

Mom:  I like this dress. It looks like seashells.

Daddy:  You could use that dress to detail a car.

Busy Phillips

You are always so fun, Ms. Phillips.  This dress does not disappoint.  I love everything about it.  I also love your smooth hair and gorgeous earrings.

SHOUT OUT:  LOVE YOU in Vice Principals. So good.

Mom: Not wild about this dress. Not my favorite.

Daddy:  Sucks

Emma Stone:

I have to say I was disappointed in the dress choice, however your makeup and hair look FABULOUS.

SHOUT OUT:  BIG congrats to you, ma’am, for your Best Actress win!  For all you current and future performers, take note on how to accept an award graciously:

Mom:  Ew… Ugly ugly dress.

Daddy: Really sucks.

Ginnifer Goodwin

Ms. Goodwin, lets talk.  We need to do something about your hair. Call my stylist Haley Martin at Twisted Scissors Salon.  She can help you.  She really can. She’s the best.

I’m not going to talk about your dress.  Instead….

SHOUT OUT:  Hours before this broadcast you were told one of your former costars, Mr. Bill Paxton, had passed away.  For you to carry on and still be there, was huge and I commend you for that.  He would, like most people, want you to carry on.  That’s exactly what you did.  Kudos.

Mom:  That’s pretty rough.

Janelle Monae

I kinda dig this gown and kinda don’t.  With that said, Ms. Monae, you are always the belle of the ball with your fashion choices because you own the moment.

SHOUT OUT:  Thank you for never being boring or simple. We need you on the red carpet every single time.

Kate McKinnon

YOU ARE PERFECTION!

SHOUT OUT: Who loves Ms. McKinnon?  I do! Love her. That’s enough for me!

Mom: That’s ok. It’s really nice.

Naomie Harris

Ms. Moneypenny!  So glad that you are getting noticed these days. It’s about time!

SHOUT OUT:  The trailer for your nomination was a knockout.  Well deserved nomination!

J: I like it except for the slit in the middle.

Mom: I don’t like that long tail. Hate the shoes.

Shoreh Aghdashloo

This lady.  WOW.  You should read about this lady.  She is SUCH a lady.  Beautiful.  We first saw her in 24 and have enjoyed her since then.

SHOUT OUT: For being awesome. We love you!

J:  Gorgeous woman.

THE BEST DRESSED!!!!

Felicity Jones

Proud of you, Ms. Jones.  You have worn some stinkers for the last several red carpet events.  Good of you to pick something that didn’t completely miss the mark. I love the shoes but wish the dress was just a shade darker. It almost washes you out.  But you look adorable in it and definitely deserves to be on the best dressed.

J: I like that one.

Mom:  She looks like she is going to junior prom but it’s alright.

Dadddy:  Sucks

Halle Berry

Unlike most people who have scoffed at the curly mop headed feature on top of her gorgeous head, I LOVE IT.  I love curly headed goodness and can definitely dig it. I love this dress. It looks like one of my kids drawings with a black crayon on wrapping paper.  Ms. Berry can make anything look good.

J:  Laughter.  What’s wrong with her?

Mom: NOPE.

Nicole Kidman

It’s very rare when Ms. Kidman DOES NOT hit the mark.  She is a risk taker and knows what is fashion forward. I love this dress and the detail. I also love the lipstick.  Perfect. Thank you for hemming your dress correctly.

Mom:  She looks washed out.

J: I like that one.

Mom:  Would look better in black.

Octavia Spencer

What a lady! I don’t normally like feathers that much, but she makes it look good! I love the top and I love the sleeves slightly below the shoulder.

Mom:  It’s ok. But I don’t like feathers.

Sara Bareilles

She is stunning! I love the shape of this dress, I love the color, I love the simple jewelry. She has great hair.  I just adore her.

Mom: I don’t like those pointy things above the boobs.

J:  Pretty.

Taraji P. Henson

Sexy sexy sexy. I think Ms. Henson hits every mark with this dress.  Perfect fit, shoes, right amount of slit on the leg, boobage, shoudlers and jewelry.  She looks amazing.

J:  Uh…. No.

Mom: It’s a nice dress, but doesn’t look good on her.

Hailee Steinfield

This dress looks like a fairy’s cotton candy dream.  I love it.  She has really grown up in the last couple of years.  What a beauty!

Mom: It’s ok. At least the leaves cover the strategic areas.

Alicia Vikander

I always say it.  I LOVE lace when it’s done right.  This dress looks like a mixture between Westworld and Julia Roberts’s cocktail dress in Pretty Woman. Not a bad combination.

Daddy:  Maybe.

Mom. I like it better than the last dress.

Ruth Negga

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ruth Negga.  Have you seen the series, Preacher? You should.  Do it. Don’t wait. It’s awesome. She’s awesome. It’s a bowl full of awesome sauce. I love this dress for the following reasons:  It’s the perfect color for her.  It has such a romantic feel.  Oddly, I don’t mind the sleeves. I love the high neck.  I love her hair with the red drops. I love the makeup. I love the earrings. I love Ruth Negga.

J: She’s an interesting actress.  I don’t know about the dress.  I like the turtleneck but I wish the top part wasn’t meshy.

And #1 spot goes to………. It’s a real shocker (NOT!)

Viola Davis

Hands down one of my favorites ever in the world.  She is stellar! I love this dress. I love the sleeves. I love the tie back neck. I love her hair. I’m Viola’s #1 fan! Congrats on your big win! Did you all know that she first black actor to win Oscar, Emmy, and Tony for acting? Long overdue! Can’t wait to see where you go from here, Ms. Davis!

Daddy:  I like this dress.

J:  She looks good.

Mom:  AWESOME.

 

It would be a shame not to mention our beloved Bill Paxton. We lost such an awesome talent last weekend. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, and should always live life as if it is our last day.  He certainly did that.  An actor with an impressive repertoire of film and tv roles, he made his performances shine and memorable. The first time I ever saw Bill Paxton in a film, he was the big brother in Weird Science.  He was PERFECT for that role. I could tell he didn’t take himself too seriously either.  It was awesome. One of my most favorite 80s flicks.

 

 

The second was Aliens and the big scene with “Game over, man!”

 

 

Then who could forget him peeing his pants as Ah-nold threatens him over the dam in True Lies.

 

 

Then came Twister.  What a great flick.  I love that movie and he made it great alongside Helen Hunt.  One of my favorite scenes:

 

 

Apollo 13 is always a favorite and he was great in that with Kevin Bacon and Tom Hanks.

 

 

 

He was so great in so many roles …. The sub Captain of U571, the villain in Vertical Limit, treasure hunter in Titantic, Morgan Earp in Tombstone … if he was in it, I would always watch it. You will be missed by so many, Mr. Paxton.  Thank you for the wonderful movies you left behind so we may continue to enjoy your enormous talent.

With mad respect,

Allye