YAY! 2016 is here and so is award season! God I love award season. Most of the time. Tonight’s red carpet arrivals were slightly underwhelming in every department. I hope that this isn’t a trend for rest of the award show season. With that said, I present to you this year’s Golden Globe’s review.
Here we go!
**copyright claim** all photos are courtesy of just about every single entertainment website on the internet.
Blue is the New Green for Redheads
Bryce Dallas Howard
BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRINNNNNNNGGGGGG.
Julianne Moore
I like her a lot. But the weird awkward neckline makes this dress a bit uncomfortable for me.
At this point, I’ll ask my husband Jbird to chime in.
WTF. REALLY PEOPLE. WTF!?
Amy Landecker
A: She looks like she is planning for a backyard BBQ instead of Golden Globes. The stripes do nothing for her either.
Jbird: Heeeeeey, you see my leg??
Caitriona Balfe
A: Looks part Underworld/part Twilight mixed with a really bad nightgown.
Jbird: An ugly doll at an ugly doll convention for the gothic losers.
Calista Flockhart
A: This chick landed Han Solo. Oy. I had a chance.
Jbird: Are those gold ducks on her dress? It’s like a gold duck dress from the Illiad. Or maybe it’s geese and it’s an homage to Zeus.
Cate Blanchett
A: Is she doing a country singer biopic that I’m not aware of? I like tassles just as much as the next southern belle, but I’m not sure what to make of this dress. It’s like it was made by a 1920s seamstress in Dolly Parton’s studio from the early 80s. Right? Now, I love me some Dolly Parton… and I mean no disrespect. But this dress ain’t doin’ it for me. I do like her hair though.
Jbird: I feel sorry for her.
Giuliana Rancic
A: Why is she still allowed on tv? And cut-outs Giuliana? Really? Haven’t we talked about this?
Jbird: Ralph.
Heidi Klum
A: Boring feather duster with weird cleavage please stand up.
Jbird: Heidi Klueless.
Louise Roe
A: You know those silver blankets that you see people put around people that are in shock after an accident? That’s what this dress is made of.
Jbird: “She’s like in the middle of an awkward junior high prom dance move and it’s 1989.”
A: This dress almost has a retro feel to it, but she can’t really pull it off.
Jbird: I can’t see the dress because her face is in the way. Make it stop.
(My husband is not a fan…….. can you tell?)
Maril Davis
A: Turn around, walk off the red carpet and hire a stylist whoever you are.
Jbird: Oh it’s that guy from that hair band. Didn’t they break up?
Natalie Dormer
A: Why does she always look like she is ready to eat the camera?
Jbird: She looks like she is on some bad acid right now.
Wiz Khalifa
A: I know that looking laid back is kind of your thing Wiz, but this is the Golden Globes. Get some socks, tighten up your tie, take off the glasses and act like somebody. Don’t show up to an awards show looking like you rolled out of bed. This isn’t MTV.
Jbird: Somebody get this man outta here.
The Others
Carly Chaikin
A: Trying out for Little Mermaid?
Jbird: I’ve been sent here from Atlantis.
Judith Light
A: Why does anyone think it’s glamorous to where a pantsuit to an award show?
Jbird: She’s so cool.
Olivia Palermo
A: She looks like she wrapped herself in a flag.
Jbird: The Italian flag perhaps?
Eva Longoria
Jbird: Hip Spangles meet Duck Face.
Eva Green
Jbird: Ewwww, look at me. I’m so droll. Look at me in my droll dress being so fabulously droll. I’m totally drolling this party. I’m a party droll. Meahherh..
Living Legends
Bernadette Peters
A: Love me some Bernadette Peters.
Jbird: Man I’ve always had a thing for bernadette peters. Fine wine. “rowr.”
Helen Mirren
A: LOVE Helen in pretty much anything she wears.
Jbird: Classy.
Jamie Lee Curtis
A: I love JLC. However, I have issues with her stylist.
Jbird: She looks like she is shrinking.
Lily Tomlin
A: Love Lily. With that said, you know those choir dresses from college (Tech Chorale peeps.. ya feel me?) … enough said.
Jbird: Tablecloth
Patrick Stewart
A: So hot. Still on my list. Along with Tom Selleck and Chris Pine.
Jbird: Good day, sir. Snazzy.
Sure Bet.
Amy Adams
A: FINALLY. Something other than a strapless gown. This is What I am talking about. If it wasn’t coral, you would be on my best dressed. Alas, you can’t be perfect.
Jbird: It’s a nice color for her. Traditional looking.
Angela Bassett
A: She. Does. Not. Age.
Jbird: Man, she’s gorgeous.
J-LO
A: I love my J-Lo. I love this dress. Not crazy about the mustard yellow, but I do love this dress and the cape! So old school!
Jbird: She’s smoking hot but not crazy about the color.
Uzo Aduba
A: LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Jbird: GOD YES. I NEED MORE UZO!
(We love Uzo.. can you tell!?)
BEST DRESSED!!!!!!
**Disclaimer** While these are the best dressed of the night, these are mediocre efforts at best. I’d suggest most of you should fire your stylist and hire someone else. It’s obvious your present one wants to destroy you.
Jaimie Alexander
A: I love this woman. She always wears the most interesting dresses. I love the plunging neckline, I love the color and the fabric. Hate the pockets. I hate pockets in gowns. Lose the pockets.
Jbird: OHHH BABY. Beautiful. “snarl.”
Viola Davis
A: SUCH a lady. This dress looks wonderful on her, but it ages her.
Jbird: Man, there’s a lot going on in that dress. I like her. But man.
Lavergne Cox
A: I like it more than most of the dresses this evening. She’s got her style down.
Jbird: It’s ok.
Maria Menounos
A: No surprise here. She is always on my best dressed. She knows what’s what. I love the hair and the boobs and the shoulder straps. All looks great. The color is super boring though.
Jbird: Yea. Whatever.
Queen Latifah
A: She is always one of my favorites to watch. I love the color and I love the neckline. Great package all around.
Jbird: She’s improved with age.
Kate Winslet
A: I love Kate. I love the neck and the open shoulders. I love the color too. Wonderful color for you.
Jbird: Nah … .not into it.
Meh. Lackluster at best. I TRULY hope that the traffic cone chick at last year’s Grammys comes back with a dress made out of plastic bags or something. I’m gonna need something like that to get me through this award season. Speaking of, if you are going to the Grammys this year (Hint hint Chris), I totally need a run down on a behind the scenes.
With all the comments said, we all know that the Grammys/Oscars/Met Ball are the real humdingers in this fashion world we live in. Upward and onward!
Speaking of Oscars.. I will have a very special guest blogging with me on on the Oscars. My pal Eve! It will be a hoot. Can’t wait!
Stay tuned ya’ll! More to come before 2016 award season is closed out!
Mad Time Mama! 
Awesome reviews!